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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28585020">Across the Universe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaniis/pseuds/Chaniis'>Chaniis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stargate Atlantis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action/Adventure, Alien Biology, Alien Culture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Character Development, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Gift of Life (Stargate), Handmouth, I have no chill in this and nothing is off limits, Implied/Referenced Torture, Internalized Homophobia, John is a Bit Not Good, John is basically in the closet, John isn't convinced (what's new), M/M, Mental Link, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi, Mutual Pining, Oh and Also, Pining John Sheppard, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, The Slowest Slow Burn Ever, There will be a happy ending, Todd has no idea what he's talking about, Todd is Mysterious, Todd loves John, Trapped, Whump, Wraith Feeding, Wraith Worship, and very affected by military policy, but angst first, stuck on an unknown planet, the author really should have planned this out more, this will probably go through major editing once its done</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:53:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>49,872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28585020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaniis/pseuds/Chaniis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Whilst on a mission, John and Todd are attacked and stranded on a planet without a working stargate. Their only hope of escape comes in the form of Wraith from Todd's own alliance, who don't know of Todds "dealings" with humans. It's either be caught or, do what Todd does best and lie. One demonstration later and John finds himself on a Hive alongside his dubious companion. What was supposed to be a temporary stop soon becomes a journey into the vastness of the Pegasus Galaxy with no way to contact Atlantis and no way off the ship without being found out and risking not just death, but Todd's alliance itself. Desperate to get back to their respective homes, John and Todd must embark on a long and dangerous quest with no hope for survival except each other. </p><p>Across the Universe is the story of trust, acceptance, and love between two unlikely wayward adventurers. It seems that there certainly is a lot about each other that John and Todd don't know.</p><p> </p><p>-Set in season five after "Search and Rescue" and before "The Queen" as an AU timeline.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Sheppard/Todd the Wraith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>158</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Stargate</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. As we Embark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/bagheerita/gifts">bagheerita</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've been itching to write something for this paring ever since we first met Todd. Now that I've finally finished the series I can finally start. I hope you like this beginning, all feedback is appreciated :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“No, it's too dangerous. Not to mention completely against protocol.” Richard Woolsey, head of the Atlantis Expedition, stated from across the long, wide and garish meeting table he’d brought with him from home.</p><p>The comment was directed at a Wraith, Todd, who stood with his arms crossed, a sharp-toothed grin across his grey-green face. The tall commander towered over almost all of John Sheppard’s team, excluding Ronan. The large Satedan had offered to keep the alien at gunpoint through the meeting. His one-of-a-kind weapon was set to stun though, John knew he wanted to set it to kill. Alongside him were two marines pointing their 5.56 mm Koch G36K firearms, ready to fire on John’s command. </p><p>For someone surrounded with such immediate death, the commander was as calm as always. Perhaps the decade he’d spent imprisoned had changed his outlook on life.</p><p>From the left of Todd, an apprehensive Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard’s thought went to what the Wraith had had to endure, then shuttered at the memory of the time he himself had spent in Koyla’s prison. The feeding scar on his chest stung, the strange burning sensation making its way up to where another scar marked where Todd’s hand had gifted him back the years it stole. The suction-type scar there, in the place between his pecs, was fading but, still visible enough to remind him of the weirdest sequence of events he’d ever experienced. He coughed, rubbing his chest to ease the strange reaction. A shift in Todd’s stance bought the Wraith a quick glance at the colonel as if he sensed John’s reaction. John refused to meet his cat-like eyes. He chose, instead, to turn his head toward Woolsey. </p><p>The alien made a noise not unlike a purr and turned back to Woolsey. “I do not care about protocol,” he blinked slowly, cocking his head ever so slightly, his big arms flexed and his body tensed as if he were preparing for a fight.</p><p>“You’re not in charge of the Atlantis Expedition.” Woolsey snapped back in the IOA taught tone he usually employed when nervous. Everyone knew Todd was a lethal force despite the threat of fire. “Your proposal is far too dangerous; I won’t allow it.”</p><p>The commander just chuckled and shrugged in a frankly comical way “I’m only offering this…expedition…a chance to come with me, I’m not asking for permission to go” he paused, eyes gleaming, then bowed mockingly with one arm across his chest “Mr. Woolsey.” </p><p>Ronan’s arm flexed, no one said anything. Not even Woolsey had a good comeback.</p><p>Todd made the strange purr sound again, glancing at John before eyeing the crowd, “Well, if that’s your answer then I’ll be on my way.” He took a step and instantly, guns cocked, Ronan leaped forward and pressed his gun into Todd’s neck. The whole table, except John, moved back a few steps.</p><p>Todd’s laugher permeated the room. It was a sound between a wheeze and the jolly song of the Ghost of Christmas Present. </p><p>John rolled his eyes, even though his own hand was on his holstered weapon, “Stand down” He growled at his men who did as they were told, most of them anyway. “Ronan,” he snapped at his aggressively loyal teammate, “Stand. Down.”</p><p>Ronan huffed and moved away; weapon still aimed. </p><p>Jerking his head to Todd, John said to his men “take him to the holding cell, I’m not entirely convinced that this is a bad idea.”</p><p>Woolsey’s head snapped to John “Colonel-“</p><p>“Shepherd, I knew you’d be on my side,” Todd smirked, catching John's gaze yet again.</p><p>“I’m not on anyone’s side, get him out of here.” He grimaced, not pleased by the summersault his stomach did when the pair met eyes.</p><p>“Yes sir.” The two soldiers, one armed with the ancient gene, lead the Wraith out of the meeting room.</p><p>“What the hell was that?” Rodney protested as soon as they were gone, “you take his side?” the brilliant scientist sure had a way with words.</p><p>“Hold on Rodney,” Teyla said, “John might be right.”</p><p>"Ugh, you too?"</p><p>“I’m not on anyone’s side, Rodney,” he said through his teeth, “I just think the location has merit.” </p><p>He truly didn’t like that he agreed with Todd but, he did. The planet Todd had come to them about was located near the edge of Pegasus. It was a Wraith outpost rumored to house a facility akin to the one Todd had destroyed with his ship, a breeding den for lack of better words. For Todd, it housed extra weapons, ships, and men for his alliance. For the team, it was another way to lessen the Wraith’s hold on the galaxy. John thought that was worth a risk his team had taken before, countless times, and succeed. But it was crawling with Wraith and, from a military standpoint, John could see why Woolsey was refusing. John wasn’t one to back down from a fight through.</p><p>Turning his attention to Woolsey, he said "Do you know what this could mean for us? Getting another chance to take out one of those Wraith baby factories is huge. And with Todd’s Hive, it wouldn’t be too difficult.”</p><p>“I can see where Shepherds coming from.” Ronan said, surprising the whole room, “But I don’t see why we need his help.”</p><p>“Because it would break his trust to see us go off and destroy the coordinates, he gave us,” John answered patiently. He turned to Woolsey again “We’ve taken out the replicators, what’s so crazy about this?”</p><p>Woolsey frowned, tapping his fingers against the table “It’s not that I don’t like him, it's that I don’t trust him.”</p><p>“None of us trust him” John fired back “And neither does he trust us but-“</p><p>“But what? I say we let him get take his weapons, and fail, then we swoop in and destroy the thing.” Rodney smirked arrogantly when he was finished. </p><p>“Yeah, when they’re most on edge, after an attack? Come on Mckay, you can do better than that.”</p><p>For once, the chief scientist was quiet, though he was thinking. </p><p>John sighed “Look, I don’t like it any more than any of you do but, it’s a really good opportunity.”</p><p>“Agreed” Ronan said without hesitation. If John could count on anyone to want to kill Wraith, it would be Ronan. </p><p>Teyla also nodded “This is the kind of thing our alliance with Todd was made for. You have to admit that him informing us of this discovery is in line with that as well.”<br/>
The rest of the team turned to Rodney who just looked annoyed, if a little scared “Oh come on, it’s a stupid idea with lots of different horrible outcomes and opportunities for failure. And it’s helping Wraith, why would we help Wraith? I’m Todd’s ally as much as the next guy but I sincerely doubt the benefit of-“</p><p>“Rodney” John urged, knowing full well Rodney was still going to agree, even if he went on for two days about the downsides. </p><p>Rodney furrowed his brows, looked at the three of them then, sighing he dropped his hands to his sides in defeat and rolled his eyes “Fine, but I warned you.”</p><p>John smirked at him and turned to Woolsey, “We’re all for it, we just need your go ahead.”</p><p>Woolsey looked at them all and rubbed his face, hand going on the bald spot on his head. “Fine, if you’re certain.”</p><p>“We are” </p><p>Woolsey sighed “Take Major Lorne and his team with you.”</p><p>“Yes sir,” John said, barely hiding his grin.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>John approached Todd’s cell, the sound of his boots was quiet yet, distinct against the hard floor of the hallway. It was dark like always. The only thing in the room was the metal cage that housed the Wraith Commander. John shuttered, as he usually did when he caught sight of said Wraith.</p><p>He stood straight, arms bound behind his back, a growl threatening to spill from his thin lips. “Good news?” He said in his multitoned voice, the bite of the words made John's stomach flip again. </p><p>“We’re clear for the mission.” The Cornell reposed currently “We’ll be ready in a few hours.”</p><p>The commander didn’t hide his grin. Seeing a wraith grin was not something the Cornell was quite settled with yet. “Then I will be allowed to go back to my ship?”</p><p>“Not so fast, you’re staying here until we board, don’t want you getting any of your ideas.”</p><p>“My ideas?” he chuckled gravely “Indeed.”</p><p>“I don’t even want to know what the means,” John said, ignoring the hint of excitant budding in his chest. It didn’t exist, and if it did it was for the prospect of blowing up a Wraith baby factory and nothing else.  </p><p>Todd only stared with piercing yellow eyes; pupils dilated to see in the shroud of darkness. In the hidden folds of his mind, something asked John “familiar to you?”<br/>
John shook his head, trying to chase out the memories of years ago, of a weathered and aging face behind thick metal bars. A voice waxing philosophical about the difference between man and Wraith. And, John tried to chase away the way his hands itched to open Todd’s cell. His deep recesses asked him if Todd felt the suffocating pressure that John felt now, and if being locked up scared the commander, reminded him of a life once lived without the stars.</p><p>“Something wrong?” Todd’s voice broke the moment, John stepped back and shook his head.</p><p>“Just dreading another visit on a hive.”</p><p>“It cannot be helped,” The Wraith said wryly and, john had a feeling that Todd wasn’t referring to what he’d said out loud. </p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>We’ll be talking Cruisers” Todd informed Johns team as soon as they set foot onto the first of many Wraith Cruisers they would see. “The hive is too precious to risk engaging in battle at this moment” </p><p>“Oh yeah?” Rodney crooned “And what’s wrong with it, one of your not-so-brilliant engineers having trouble?” almost everyone in the room rolled their eyes. Everyone knew how fascinated Ropdey was with Wraith tech and what he'd give to talk to one of their engineers for hours. </p><p>Todd snorted “It is not necessary for our mission” He basically repeated and then took up command at the controls. </p><p>John had to force himself not to linger on the way Todd’s strong body always seemed to be twice as powerful when he was flying a hive. Something in him wondered how the commander thought of John when the colonel was flying and aircraft. Did he feel the same reverence that bubbled under John's stoic mask? The colonel shook his head, chasing the idea away and it was soon replaced with the skin-crawling sensation of shame. It didn’t matter what the Wraith thought, he was a Wraith, and sooner or later he would betray Atlantis. John had to remember that. </p><p>“Sheppard?” the commander's voice, spouting his name in increasing annoyance, finally caught John's attention.</p><p> His mouth went dry and his gaze snapped to the Wraith “Uh?”</p><p>Todd sneered in the way he usually did “Are we ready to go?”</p><p>John cleared his throat and nodded weakly “Uh, yep.” Heat rose to his cheeks and he rubbed his face to hide the evidence. </p><p>“Then let us go,” Todd ordered his Wraith to their positions and the entire Cruiser buzzed to life, making John and the team even more acutely aware of where they were standing.</p><p> Cruisers were made of the same organic material that all Wraith ships were. The dark, cool but humid atmosphere perfectly matched with the foggy floors and drab, membraned walls. The controls looked like bundled of purpose-red roots that John knew were soft. The floor was also soft, something that had surprised John and his team the first time he had been on a Wraith vessel. Now, he was uncomfortably used to the slightly spongy feeling of walking on enemy territory. He was dreading spending the five-day hyperspace trip it would take to get to their destination.</p><p>“It's not too late to back out, Sheppard.” Todd drawled almost mockingly.</p><p>John shivered; he hated the way the alien always seemed to know what he was thinking. He sincerely hoped that it was just a weird coincidence.</p><p>“No way,” John shot back, “a chance to kill Wraith is not a chance I’m backing out from.”</p><p>Instantly Todd tensed and the hairs on John's neck stood straight up.</p><p>One Wraith growled and Todd held his hand up to stop it. </p><p>it was silent for a while, until; </p><p> I had hopped… Todd’s voice</p><p>“Well keep hoping.” John retorted. </p><p>The room fell silent at John's comment to nothing. John looked around, confused at their varying faces of shock and confusion until, finally, Teyla spoke “John…are you well?”</p><p>It was John's turn to be confused, “What are you talking about?” He eyed the others, but they all seemed to be on Teyla’s side of things. </p><p>After a long pause, Teyla masked her worry, “Never mind,” she faced Todd “shall we depart?”</p><p>“Indeed” Todd purred, taking one last, almost predatory look at John before closing his eyes and letting the ship fly. </p><p>As they grew further and further away from Atlantis, John couldn’t shake the feeling that something was about to go horribly, horribly wrong.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Thing's we Cannot Say</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>John has a strange encounter with Todd. The trip takes a dramatic shift after a traitor reveals itself.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone, thank you so much for all the kind comments and Kudos left on the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this longer one just as much.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The team was escorted through the drab, squishy hallways of the hive to a door that only appeared when the Wraith Todd had called his second, waved his hand over it. A section of the wall raised up revealing spacious living quarters with four beds, all separated by sheets of what John hopped was cloth but probably wasn’t. There wasn’t much decorating the room besides a large regular table with five chairs and, a self that stood in the corner farthest away from the beds. The items appeared to be made of wood, a relief to every human in the room. The beds also seemed normal. They had the same pale woody appearance of the other. John was slightly concerned about the origin of these items but, he didn’t ask. There were strange lamp like pods scattered along the walls and giving off a yellow glow</p><p>The second, who John had decided to call Kenny, looked at the four of them with a discontented look that could be weaponized. John wondered if perhaps this had been a trap, if Todd had intentionally lured him, his team, and major Lorne’s team on board simply to kill them. He wished that they hadn’t dropped the major and his people off in another room. It made him anxious to not know if they were well. </p><p>As if one cue, Kenny spoke “The commander says he hopes that these items will be sufficient and, that you will feel free to unpack and get settled for the journey.” He didn’t attempt to hide the sneer in his voice, eyes narrowing in contempt. He turned to John “You will come with me now, the commander wishes to speak with you.”</p><p>Ronan immediately cut in with, “No way” His hand was already on his weapon, ready to fire. </p><p>“Relax, Ronan,” Teyla said, putting a hand on one of Ronan’s large arms “Todd has often requested the presence of the colonel and no harm has come to him thus far.”</p><p>Ronan grunted but, pulled his hand away from the unique fire-arm at his side.</p><p>John sighed, a deep and regretful noise, and plopped his duffle bag down on the bed closest to the door, to the escape. “Alright then,” he turned to the rest “Keep your radios on and be on alert in case anything goes wrong.”</p><p>Kenny openly growled at the colonel, “You are lucky the commander has more patience than I.” He waved his hand and the door opened “Now go.”<br/>John shuttered, taking one last look at his friends before walking out with Kenny.</p><p>~</p><p>They said nothing to each other on the way there. John both had no desire to speak to a Wraith and, was sticking to military training and observing every detail of the layout, memorizing the way both out and back to his friends. As much as he tried though, he couldn’t easily grasp the differences and directions that each of the many corners they turned, were in. It all looked like one, solid mass with no landmarks, it made him sick to think about the helplessness that came along with that. <br/>They turned into the command center and Kenny and Todd traded places with nothing more than a nod. Todd coming to stand uncomfortably close to John. “Are the arrangements acceptable, Sheppard?” He asked, a strange humorous lilt to his creepy voice.</p><p>“Yeah…” He looked around, “what am I here for?”</p><p>Todd looked at him with amusement, “Come this way.” He started walking in the opposite direction of the team’s quarters. </p><p>John’s stomach dropped. He had half a mind to just stay there in the safety of a place he understood but, a couple of low growls from other Wraith prompted him to follow soon after. “Better the devil you know,” he muttered, pacing along slightly faster than his usual speed to catch up with the taller male. </p><p>“You do not trust me,” Todd observed when john finally caught up to him.</p><p>“Not a chance.” He said back, eyes flicking around the low light to try and figure out where they were going.</p><p>“That is a shame,” Todd remarked, slowing down slightly when realized that the other man was struggling.</p><p>John kept his mind off how hurt the alien sounded.</p><p>They soon arrived at another door similar to the one the team's quarters were behind. Only, this time, when they entered, John did not see even one remotely familiar item. A large table made up most of the room. It wasn’t made of wood, it was made of the same material as the ship. Thick, purple coils rose from the ground to form legs that branched out into a solid, bumpy mass. The chairs were similar though, one had a wooden board on top. There were glowing circles littered over the walls of this place, giving it more light, They were different than the pones of John's quarters and reminded him more of ones outside along the walls of the hive. it was also warmer than the rest of the ship but not by much. A section of the wall was partially see-through and looked like the bars of a hive ship prison cell. </p><p>“Where…are we?” John asked.</p><p>“My quarters.” Todd sat down casually on the woodless chair.</p><p>“Y-Your what?” John stumbled more than he liked over the words, heat brushing his cheeks again.</p><p>Todd huffed “Sit, please” he splayed his feeding hand out towards the other chair and John involuntarily jumped back </p><p>“I-I’ll stand, thanks.” He spat out, eyeing the feeding hand like a hawk.</p><p>It was mostly closed, John could see it pulsing slightly as if it knew there was food nearby. He took another step back. Seeing it out like it was reminded John of the up close and personal time he’d spent with it in that bunker. And while he was genuinely frightened at the sight of it, a deep part of him twisted that fear into excitement and the exhilaration of being so close to death, so close to…</p><p>John growled to stop the infectious thoughts in their track. </p><p>Todd just shrugged which was a gesture that looked alien on him, and leaned back. “I am not hungry, Sheppard,” he informed. John's blood ran cold at what that meant. </p><p>Sill, he sat down but, kept his body on alert in case Todd decided to strike.</p><p>The commander gave him an amused once over. Somehow John got the feeling that there was another emotion hiding under his indifference. A sentence curled against him that didn’t sound like his inner voice: after all we’ve been through, you’re still repulsed…</p><p>John’s mouth went dry and he rubbed his temples. He fought back against the feeling of regret.</p><p>John Sheppard was familiar with the concept of repression, the military required he be. There was no time for soft emotions on a battlefield, he had to remember that more strongly than ever, now. </p><p>“Your human customs are very…strange, Sheppard” Todd observed. The Wraith’s expression changed for a second, something like frustration. If John wasn’t so fixated on battling his own turmoil, he would have noticed that the “are you always so cold toward your hosts?” was added as an afterthought and not as mockery. </p><p>“Let's just get this over with.” The colonel hissed. </p><p>Todd nodded and drew out a map, “Of course, I will debrief your men on the plan in a day or so but, I thought it appropriate to bring up a particular concern…” The male’s gaze flicked back between John and the map. Joh noticed it was of a Wraith building.</p><p>John frowned “Well out with it then.”</p><p>Todd at once looked incredibly uncomfortable. John could feel the reluctance in his mind. After a long beat, the commander stood and walked to the other end of the room, leaving the map with John “Study that so your team can keep up at tomorrow’s debriefing.” His back was turned.</p><p>John frowned “That’s…it?”</p><p>The Wraith straightened a growl escaped his lips. “Just get out, Sheppard.”</p><p>Getting the message, John quickly gathered up the map and got to his feet. Todd waved his hand to open the door and the colonel turned fast on his heel to bolt. <br/>“Wait.” Todd snapped before John could cross the threshold. Both males turned, the one with glowing eyes regarded the other with an icy intensity John had never seen before. His eyes trailed to the spot where he had sucked the life out of John. The other male’s chest burned at the attention and he quickly raised a hand to cover it.</p><p>Todd sneered. He strode long, easy steps across the room until mere inches separated the two men. Before John could react, Todd had his left hand around the hand John protected his chest with and pulled it away easily. Time and space seemed to narrow then, to that moment. The quick breaths of fear countered the even rise and fall of the Wraiths chest and the flair of his sensory pits. A low purr rose up from the male’s throat and he raised his right hand, almost absent-mindedly, to rest on the suction mark on John's neck. John’s breathing ceased; his eyes screwed shut. Every muscle of him was begging for his legs to kick in and carry him far away from what was about to happen. But, for several seconds, nothing came. There was only the feeling of a strong, familiar hand on clothed skin and, the beating of John's heart.</p><p>“You are a guest, not crew, remember that the next time you insult my race in front of them.” Todd dropped John’s hand and stepped back a few feet, a coy smirk playing on his face. It was totally different from the tone of the previous minute. </p><p>John was about to say something when Kenny appeared in the doorway. “They need you at the helm, commander.”</p><p>A look of dissatisfaction crossed against Todd’s face. He flicked his gaze between man and Wraith, eyes still falling on John's chest and making the colonel feel things he shouldn’t be. </p><p>“Very well,” Todd answered, “Take the Colonel back to his room.”</p><p>Then, Todd was gone, and John was left feeling frightened, dizzy, excited, and sick all at once.</p><p>~</p><p>He was escorted back in silence, mind running with questions the whole way there. As soon as the doors closed behind him, the other members of his team started to ask their own questions.</p><p>“Are you hurt? You look pale, John,” Teyla.</p><p>“Do I need to blow some heads off?” Ronan. </p><p>John held up a hand to stop them “I’m fine.” He assured weakly. “Does this place have a shower?” He needed to get away from them as soon as possible, he needed to be alone. </p><p>Ronan pointed to a door with a regular handle.</p><p>“Great,” The colonel made a beeline for it, locking the door once he was inside. He turned on the shower water, ignoring the strange handle and, slid down the bathroom wall, not thinking about how he was pressed against organic material. His mind was spinning, his body was near shaking and his eyes felt hazy.<br/>“What the fuck was that?” He hissed. That was the first time Todd had touched him since Koyla, since…it, the feeding and the gift. Since the actions that existed in John's memory like a rose-covered in thorns.</p><p> He shivered in the cold and wrapped his arms around himself for warmth and, for protection and he tucked his head between his knees. His chest and neck burned horribly, his heart was twisted, and his stomach felt inside out.  It seemed like he should scream, or cry or something. Or at least let himself feel the whole of it. With the repression of emotions came trouble processing the ones that he did feel, this was no different. This…confusion made his heart hurt and his muscles tense. Like he was running away and running toward something all at once, he had no idea how to react.</p><p>As he sat there, shaking, an awful thought practically forced its way into his mind. You’re not scared of Todd, it whispered, caressing its claws of truth along his skull. He blinked back the threat of tears, he couldn’t…couldn’t think about that. </p><p>But the truth was the truth, and a part of John knew that his reaction to Todd was not fear, it was something entirely different…and very dangerous. <br/>“John?” Teyla's voice permeated his meltdown “Are you alright in there?”</p><p>He cursed and leaped to his feet, all attention suddenly on not being found vulnerable. “Uh- yeah I’m fine, he just gives me the creeps.” He turned off the water and opened the door, not bothering to explain why he wasn’t wet.</p><p>Teyla met his eyes with her wide ones “John?”</p><p>“He’s fine,” Rodney piped in “Or as fine as someone in the presence of a bunch of Wraith could be.” But. Even Rodney sounded concerned.<br/>John practically pushed past Teyla, ignoring the guilt of keeping a secrete from his team, “I just don’t like being looked at like a meal…” He tried to make it sound convincing.</p><p>The entire room was quiet until, finally, Teyla sighed, “If you are sure…”</p><p>John just huffed.\, “Get some rest, this is going to be a long trip." </p><p>~</p><p>It was these quiet hours of the night that had always haunted John the most. The times when the questions of others couldn’t distract him from his shame. Tonight was no different. The encounter with Todd ran over and over in his head as the colonel desperately tried to make sense of it. Every detail of the half-hour or so they spent together was odd, not just the physical part. From Todd bring John to his actual bedroom to…The way his face had looked a split second before he’d gotten up. John had never seen the male act so strange. Todd was generally vocal with his ideas and opinions, not holding back. Now he was definitely holding back. But, what was it? And why was it so secret that only John could hear it? And how had it lead to them touching…</p><p>John sighed and rolled over, the portable clock next to him read 0300, 3 AM. H groaned lightly and hulled his exhausted body to his feet. He was going to have To find sleep the hard way. He padded across the room to the bookshelf that was acting as a makeshift cloth’s drawer and, very gently, pulled his black jacket with an American flag patch on. He grabbed a flashlight as well. He had some sense of the direction’s that had taken him to Todd’s quarters, hopefully enough to make it there before morning. As much as he hated the idea of walking around a Wrath ship alone, he knew he had to settle this before Todd could pretend it hadn’t happened.</p><p>Like he pretended Koyla didn’t.</p><p>John waved his hand over the door sensor Kenny had pointed out to the rest of the team. It opened a little too loudly for John's liking. Rodney groaned and rolled over. For a horrible moment, John thought he might wake up. after an agonizingly still minute, the snoring started again and John dashed out of the room, flashlight in hand. </p><p>It was darker but, certainly not as dark as Joh anticipated. It came to him that he didn’t actually know if Wraith slept, or if they did, for how long. Still, it was darker, so John hopped that at least meant fewer were out. </p><p>He turned left, the way Kenny had gone, and practically ran through the halls. Allies or not, John didn’t trust the other Wraith to honor that arrangement, the last thing he wanted to do was appear helpless and lost. </p><p>As he ran along through endless twists and turns, a horrible feeling crept up his spine, he had no idea where he was. All the hallways looked the same, he couldn’t remember if Kenny had gone right or left here, or if he kept going straight there. </p><p>“Fuck” he cursed, this was a pretty shitty look for him. It also meant that no one knew where he was and no one would know if someone decided to attack…<br/>He leaned against a squishy wall, breathing hard.</p><p>“Come one John…focus, this isn’t your first time on a cruiser.” He grimaced at his own behavior. He had his gun, a light, and friends on board. The rest was just the cold and confusion talking. It was the day's events and worry about the mission talking, not John. Not Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. </p><p>He gathered his thoughts and turned around to run in the direction he came from. He managed to, somehow, find his way to the singular landmark he remembered, a particularly messy set of coils. Unfortunately, he wasn’t any more lost than he had been a few minutes ago and the ship was beginning to lighten up. He’d missed his window. </p><p>Suddenly there was a tingling on the back of his neck and his hair there stood up straight. The strange sensation of being watched washed over him, chilling him to his bones. He stopped in his tracks and his hand went to the colt at his side. He cocked it and held it up in front of him, ready to shoot. Fear ran up his spine and screamed in his brain. How had he been found? And by who? He stayed there, frozen, for what seemed like hours until, finally, the feeling subsided, and it seemed safe enough to walk again. </p><p>“I fucking hate Wraith ships.” He growled at a whisper, taking a step forward.</p><p>“Do you hate Wraith ships or, do you hate your inability to navigate them?” A multitoned voice answered his very private comment. </p><p>He whipped around to face and aim at a very familiar face.</p><p>Todd chuckled; he held his leather-clad arm out in a welcoming gesture. John’s face turned red and he lowered his weapon, holstering it. “What are you doing here?” He accused, angry at the jump scare and embarrassed that It had scared him. </p><p>“I could ask the same of you, Sheppard.” Todd took a step forward and Joh took a step back. Memories of their last encounter came flooding in, overriding his other emotions.</p><p>Todd noticed and ceased his advance “I was coming to…” He growled lightly “Clear things up.” his eyes flashed non-threateningly </p><p>John frowned “Funny, I was coming to get some answers about what the hell that was back there.” His hand was on his gun again now.</p><p>Todd sighed, the strange sound vibrating against the walls. His gaze flicked around as if eyes were watching and ears were listening. “Not here.”</p><p>“I’m not going back to your…room” John stated nervously. He really didn’t want to go back there anymore. He didn’t even fully understand why he’d wanted to go there in the first place.</p><p>Todd growled at him, teeth bared, “You make everything difficult, Sheppard.” </p><p>John opened his mouth to speak at the same time that the ship jerked and rattled, knocking the Colonel to his feet and unbalancing Todd who was at once on high alert.</p><p>“What the-“ </p><p>The ship shook and groaned, the coils around them began to squirm.</p><p>“An attack!” Todd’s eyes were wide, and his lip was curled in a snarl, it was aimed at a bewildered John.</p><p>John stumbled to his feet, gripping the wall. He met Todd’s eyes, then sneered back as the ship shook again and an alarm started blaring “It's not Atlantis you idiot, it must be Wraith!”</p><p>Something in Todd’s gaze changed, something terrifying snuck into his eyes, making them burn. “We have to get to the control room.”</p><p>“No, I need to get back to my-“ Todd’s stronger arm already had a hold of John’s bicep and was dragging him in the direction of the control room “Try and keep up, human.”</p><p>John tried to get away from his grip but, the other male kept a fast grip with his alien strength, forcing John to go in his direction once he realized it was only slowing them both down and letting more time to find his friends and crew and escape slip away if the ship went down. </p><p>They ran into the control room and Todd shouted, “Who’s attacking?”</p><p>Kenny looked up from deploying weapons “It’s the third’s ship, and the fourth's!"</p><p>“What?” Todd’s voiced boomed over the shaking and creaking of the hull. He shoved Kenny out of the way and took over weapons. “Get to the darts!” he commanded the Wraith who’d made their way here after the first blast. They all ran towards the hanger bay. </p><p>“The hull is taking heavy damage, commander” Kenny announced from his new position, “The ship isn't not going to last.”</p><p>“They planned this” Todd almost screeched. He looked on the verge of panic. John had never seen him like that before, Not even in Koyla’s bunker.</p><p>There was a moment of silence and then, a bigger blast slammed into them harder than the first two. The entire ship shook, creaked and there was the sound of electronics dying and machines breaking.</p><p>“Commander it’s failing!” Kenny yelled over the noise.</p><p>John flicked his gaze around at the panicked Wraith and failing ship, dread polled in his stomach. His friends were still deep in the ship, and major Lorne’s team as well. He turned to go after them but, Todd grabbed his arm.</p><p>“Abandon ship!” He ordered, his voice sounded strangely human in its unbridled terror.</p><p>“Todd my-“</p><p>“John, what is happening?”</p><p>John's heart swelled when he heard Teyla’s voice. He scanned the room frantically until he spotted his team and Lorne’s running up the hallway into the room, accompanied by a couple of Wraith drones.</p><p>Todd let go of his arm and John ran to them, “Get to the jumper, she’s going down!” they all took off to the hanger bay along with new Wraith. </p><p>John's heart was beating halfway up his through, he felt sweaty and anxious and nauseous all at once. His team could have been killed and he’d just left them, abandoned them in that room to go talk to a Wraith. He shook his head, no time for that now when he had to fly them out of there. </p><p>The group ran into the jumper and John hopped into the control seat. He cloaked it and took off, heart still beating close to a deadly speed. They shot out into the vastness of space and, onto a horrific sight. The other two Wraith cruisers were still firing on a failing one that was quickly beginning to break apart in grand explosions. Pieces of it scattered the vacuum. Wraith darts shot out, only for some to disintegrate. It was a slaughter.</p><p>“By his own men…” John trailed off. </p><p>Rodney’s eyes were wide, so were Teyla’s</p><p>For a moment, all in the jumper was quiet and still. </p><p>“There’s a planet down there!” Major Lorne sound, breaking the silence.</p><p>John nodded, spun to avoid incoming ship debris, and dipped down to head straight toward it and, the Stargate Rodney had picked up on his sensor. Thank God the scientist was paranoid, or they’d be stuck searching the planet for weeks. </p><p>No sooner had the team made it just above the bright green hills near the dialed stargate than the jumper’s warning lights spurred to life. </p><p>“What the- Rodney what the hell is going on?!” John shouted as the Jumper began to pick up speed that John wasn’t giving it.</p><p>“Uh- I- Uh-“</p><p>“Rodney!” </p><p>“I don’t know, I think someone must have sabotaged it!”</p><p>“The second.” John growled “Brace for impact.”</p><p>Everyone gripped onto the closest stable object. John closed his eyes and let his body tumble with the impact of a high-speed crash into the earth. </p><p>~</p><p>John's ears were ringing, his lungs were full of smoke, his head was pounded with excruciating pain. He could kind of hear the sounds of fire, yelling, and panic.</p><p>“John! John! Rodney, he is not waking up!”</p><p>“John, Jesus, get the hell up, we have to get out of here while the Stargates still open!”</p><p>John opened a heavy lid. His blurry vision barely identified Rodney and Teyla. Through the pain, he managed to pull enough memory from his brain to form a coherent thought. He was injured and injured badly. And from the new sounds of explosions and gunfire, he could gather that they weren’t safe here.</p><p>“G-Go” He coughed as he said it and raised himself as much as he could before a blinding pain in his chest made him crumple.</p><p>“We are not-“ The entire jumper shifted with the aftershock of an explosion not far off.</p><p>“Go!” John screamed, “All of you, that’s an order!” </p><p>“John-“</p><p>“Can it Rodney, get the hell out of here!” He cringed at his volume, his vison started to blacken, and panic began to set in. He was going to die here; he was sure of it, but at least his team would be safe. </p><p>Rodney gripped his hand tightly “We’ll come back for you, we swear.”</p><p>Then, John slipped away.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Changes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Todd and John are trapped on a gateless planet but, not for long.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Content warning. You may have noticed the Rape/Noncon tag this fic has, That warning is meant specifically for this chapter. There is no rape and the noncon isn't sexual but, it is noncon/dubcon nonetheless so this is a content warning for feeding noncon. </p><p>That being said, I hope you enjoy the chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John was dead, at least he felt like it. He was floating in an expanse of nothingness; all sensation was gone from him. Pain was a distant, fading memory. As was all else he despised and held dear. There was truly just blankness. He breathed the empty in and out, scarcely feeling anything except the idea of breath. Did he even have a body to breathe out of? What even was a body? </p><p>There was this…nagging, however, that was keeping him from fully relaxing into wherever he was. A faint tugging on his soul seemed to beckon him toward a point forward. </p><p>Next came wind rushing through his ears as he was flung almost violently toward that point. As he came closer the world of the point got wider and wider, colors appeared, and people flashed like memories across the surface. A voice whispered “come back to me”</p><p>-</p><p>John gasped for breath, his body shot straight up as his lungs filled with fresh air. It hurt like hell, he hurt like hell. The colonel’s eyes darted around, trying to find something, or someone he could focus on to pull him out of this- whatever this was that he was feeling. He felt hazy, like he’d been drugged, or subdued in some way. He also felt alive, a rush like no other filled him to the brim with a fullness that was familiar in a far-off way. Had he just been dead?<br/>In his confusion, he failed to notice a pair of hands pull away and a body slink into a dark corner.</p><p>Once his vision finally focused, he was able to get a bearing on his surroundings. Around him were grey walls and boxes of supplies that were either destroyed or toppled over. The floor was littered with broken objects and…blood. John swallowed, wondering who, or what had bled out here. </p><p>There was the smell of fire, in the distance he guessed. What had happened?</p><p>“Sheppard,” a voice regarded him with what John believed to be relief.</p><p>He looked over towards the sound and found himself face to face with a Wraith with long white hair and a scrappy goatee. He was dressed in black leather that fitted nicely to his well-toned, muscular body. His piercing yellow eyes seemed to glow even in the daylight. </p><p>“Todd?” John breathed out; confusion laced through it. He looked…different.</p><p>Todd nodded in a way that almost seemed like a gesture of respect. “You are awake.” He took a step forward, I thought you may not survive a second time under such extreme circumstances but, you are stronger than I first thought.”</p><p>John frowned, he rolled Todd’s cryptic words over in his mind until he finally settled on the most reasonable, and disturbing meaning. His hand instantly went up to his chest to feel the scars. He felt the fresh rip in his shirt collar that exposed the place where the gift was given. His gaze turned hard on the Wraith, “What the hell did you do to me?”</p><p>“Saved your life,” It was even-tempered “You were bleeding out when I got to you, the gift-”</p><p>“You fed from me-“</p><p>It was Todd’s turn to glare, “I did not.” He stepped fully out of the darkness, folding one arm over the other and looking down at John with frustration. <br/>John's hand traced down to the scar on his chest, it was covered, and painless.  His hand fell and he looked down, not wanting to meet Todd’s eyes “Oh…” <br/>Todd growled softly but said nothing more. </p><p>John coughed awkwardly, “What…happened?”</p><p>The commander frowned “You do not remember?”</p><p>“I…” He closed his eyes, trying to pull up memories of why he was here with Todd, and not onboard Todd’s ship or-</p><p>“My team!” He leaped to his feet, ignoring how dizzy the motion made him feel and, that his body seemed twice as heavy as it was before. Everything came flooding back at once. The Wraith ship attack, the Jumper malfunctioning, him dying while urging his team and friends to leave without him. “Oh my god I-“</p><p>“Easy,” Todd purred, placing his hand on John’s shoulders and slowly guiding him back down to the floor. “They went through the gate before the dialing mechanism was destroyed.”</p><p>John went down easy, a warm feeling filling his stomach when Todd touched him. Still, a tinge of panic broke through and he croaked out “Destroyed?”<br/>Todd nodded, hands still on the colonel, “They were able to escape through the portal, then one of the cruisers sent a blast down the destroyed the dial but, your friends are safe.”</p><p>John took a deep breath, relief filled him and he sunk back against Todd”s firm but gentle grasp “So…They’re all alive?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>John couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around this one. The fog in his mind was blocking real emotions and reality hadn’t hit him yet. He thought about it for a little, trying to grab hold of an intelligent question.</p><p>“How are you alive?” was his brilliant choice.</p><p>“I am a good pilot,” Todd said, amused though, John could detect some anger in his tone.</p><p>“You’re angry,” John was surprised that he even cared to ask.</p><p>“My crew and closest Wraith betrayed me.” Todd said harshly “and left us here on this rock to rot.” His hands pulled away from John and he rose to turn his back to the man. The whole thing felt very familiar.</p><p>Another bout of silence filled the space. A horrible realization finally sunk in that made John’s stomach turn.</p><p>“We’re trapped on a gateless plant without a ship…aren’t we.”</p><p>“We are, Sheppard.” </p><p>“Fuck!” He growled hissed roughly, getting to his feet again “How far away is the nearest Stargate?”</p><p>“Three days of continuous hyperspace travel, if your crew even knows where to look.”</p><p>John growled, “Great, so three weeks minimum stuck here with a Wraith as company while they bring the Dedalus back and find the damn place.”</p><p>Todd chose to ignore the offensive part “You believe they will come for you?” He snorted in disbelief, turning to Sheppard with those glowing orbs.</p><p>John glared back, changing his posture to be on the defense “We don’t leave people behind.” Something about this argument was a little too familiar and it sent a shiver up John's spine. While he waited on the commander’s response, he let his gaze trail over him, taking in the sight of his figure, the way the leather he wore hugged it so…he shook his head, a blush creeping up his face. It was a feeling similar to the first time he had seen Todd do anything else but feed and, to right after they defeated Koyla’s men and John’s life was returned. A haunting but intriguing curiosity and admiration that never belonged in the right moment. What the hell was wrong with him?</p><p>“It’s the enzyme,” Todd answered seemingly out of the blue. “It has effects.”</p><p>“Great” John murmured to himself and rubbed his face. “And also, not the point.” He grabbed at what they’d just been discussing. he repeated “We don’t leave people behind,” to get back on track.</p><p>Todd shook his head, John tried to ignore the way his hair fell off his shoulders when he did. “Your confidence is truly astounding. Especially when they think you are dead.”</p><p>It was John’s turn to shake “We always check…” He looked around “They’ll come and bring us both back to Atlantis.”</p><p>Todd looked at him, eyes slightly narrowed but with a note of curiosity, “We should make camp for the night.”</p><p>~</p><p>The sun was just setting when the two finished setting up their makeshift camp that consisted of a fire outside of the intact portion of the jumper and, some emergency blankets laid out for sleeping. John had just finished counting the food when Todd strolled in with extra wood for the fire. John was thankful as the night was already starting to get cold. </p><p>“What’s left will last me about a week if ration, I’ll have to hunt the rest.”</p><p>“There are many small mammals around these woods,” Todd offered “and plenty of fallen branches.”</p><p>“I’m surprised you knew what to look for,” it was almost a tease.</p><p>“I have been around humans before, Sheppard,” Todd answered, setting the wood down “I know what your species requires.”</p><p>John didn’t answer that. He packed up the rations and went to sit by the fire with his blanket wrapped around him for extra warmth.</p><p>Todd stayed in the jumper for a few more minutes before joining John, an extra blanket held out for the colonel to take.</p><p>John hesitated a second before nodding in thanks and wrapping it around him as well.</p><p>Both sat and stared at the fire until John mustered up the courage to ask “What’s going to happen to you now?”</p><p>Todd stayed silent for a while before answering, “I have been cast away before, this is no different."</p><p>John looked at him quizzically “Before?” </p><p>Todd nodded.</p><p>He noticed the very familiar expression that crossed his face almost too fast to register. It reminded him of their conversation in the cruiser. He decided to take a chance, “Todd, what did you want to tell me in your quarters?”</p><p>Todd’s eyes flashed in the dim light; his body went rigid. His jaw locked and John could see it grinding. He suddenly felt nervous, near frightened. It was several seconds, perhaps a minute before Todd made any movement. The commander rose to his feet and, in a low but even voice he said, “I’ll take first watch.”</p><p>John stared up at him, words hanging on the tip of his tongue. He swallowed them and got to his feet to head to the jumper. He had no intention of sleeping in such close proximity with a strange acting Wraith but, at least pretending would allow him ample time to think about what the hell was going on. </p><p>~</p><p>“Sheppard” hands grasped him, shaking his arm, “Sheppard, get up.”</p><p>He jerked out of sleep shoving the body back against the floor “Wh-“</p><p>A clawed hand covered his mouth, muffling his loud question, “Be quiet.”</p><p>John squirmed in Todd’s grasp, but his alien strength kept the colonel solidly there. </p><p>Todd growled, “another hive has found us, they are going to land soon, and I can’t have you acting on impulse.” He said lowly “So you are going to listen to me, and do exactly as I say unless you want to die.”</p><p>John didn’t have time to be alarmed about that particular horror because the thing that came out of Todd’s mouth was even worse “I am going to feed on you and then give it back. You are going to want to scream but you cannot, you must act like it is normal. Do you understand?” His voice got lower as a ship landed.</p><p>John tried to bite Todd’s hand, but the commander dug his nails into John's shoulder to distract him, “John, I need you to agree or you will never see your friends again.”<br/>The sound of shouting and footsteps filled the air. John's mind was spinning, he looked up at Todd, pleading for this to go any other way.</p><p>Todd closed his eyes and turned his head away, “Forgive me.” He hissed, ripped John's shirt off, and plunged his feeding hand in the Colonel, covering his mouth and scream.</p><p>~</p><p>John awoke on a soft, warm bed. He was filled to the brim with pleasant warmth and satisfaction. The bed spanned well past the length of his stretching arms. He yawned and rolled over, eyes fluttering open and shut.</p><p>Then he heard footsteps outside the door to this place and, Wraith voices and all of it came flooding back.</p><p>Pain</p><p>Fear</p><p>Dying </p><p>Yelling </p><p>The sound of Wraith ships</p><p>Todd’s voice begging him to understand </p><p>“Forgive me”</p><p>He shot off the bed, stumbling to the floor with a bang. He reached for a sidearm that wasn’t there and panic welled in his chest. Before he could scramble to his feet, the door opened and he ducked behind the bed, pressing his body to the ground and stopping his breathing entirely. </p><p>“Sheppard?” Todd’s voice was laced with concern.</p><p>Deciding that meant the two were alone, John leaped out at Todd with his fists out and ready. He tried to land a punch but, the larger male's strong arms stopped him and threw him to the bed with that alien strength. </p><p>John cursed and tried to lunge at him again, only to find his arms pinned down and a heavy figure pressed on top of him.</p><p>“Get the hell off me!”</p><p>Todd shook his head. His eyes were locked on John and John was suddenly aware of how shirtless he was, and how close Todd was to his shirtless body. A blush crept onto his face and he turned his head away from Todd, eyes squeezed shut. still, nothing could prevent him from feeling Todd's breath on his cheek and, from hearing the faint beating of the Wraith's heart.</p><p>'Get off me!' John screamed in his mind. </p><p>Todd snorted lightly, “If I get up, will you attack me again?”</p><p>“Y-You deserve to be gut-punched for doing whatever the hell you did back there,” John spat, true anger leaching into his voice.</p><p>Todd’s grip lightened but, not enough for John to break free, “Look at me” He demanded.</p><p>It took John several seconds to do so and, when he did, he was shocked to see eyes full of regret.</p><p>“Forgive me,” Todd murmured, ‘It wasn’t my intention to-“</p><p>“Feed on me forcibly like in the bunker?” John growled. Getting that out felt good, hell, even saying the word bunker in front of Todd felt good. So did seeing the commanders wince. He drew back, setting John free.</p><p>John sat up. He made no moves to attack, for now.</p><p>Todd sat next to him, a little too close for John's liking but, he didn't move away. </p><p>“I truly am sorry.” the commander stated. John was hoping the Wraith would say more but, he didn’t. even so, the colonel knew that Todd wasn’t just apologizing for what happened a few hours ago.</p><p>The colonel sighed “Where the hell are we?” He couldn’t bring himself to innate any more talk of Koyla, as much as he wanted to.</p><p>Todd stood, “A hive ship that belongs to the alliance I do, They must have picked up my distress signal.”</p><p>“And…I’m here because?"</p><p>“They would have killed you,” Todd answered honestly, “and me if I hadn’t told them that you are a worshipper.”</p><p>“A what?” John stood up too, fists balled and ready to swing.</p><p>Todd didn’t react except to step closer, “If they knew I had friendly relations with humans that I don’t feed on, they would have killed me.”</p><p>John frowned, he took a step back, “Why didn’t you just tell them I was food?” </p><p>Todd’s eyes narrowed, “You still don’t trust me?”</p><p>“No.” there was a pang in John’s heart, but he didn’t change his answer.</p><p>To his surprise, Todd started to laugh. The sound filled the room, echoing off the walls like a musical instrument. It went on for several seconds until, finally, his eyes settled on John with an intensity that put a blush on John's face again. “I admire your honesty, Sheppard. However, you’ll have to trust me if you want to stay alive.”<br/>“I’d rather die than be a Wraith Worshipper.”</p><p>“You don’t need to actually be one.” The Wraith said with the patience one has for young children, “Just to pretend, and only for a couple of days.”</p><p>“A couple of days?”</p><p>“They’ve agreed to drop us off at the nearest Stargate, they have no desire to keep two strangers onboard anymore than we have the desire to be on board in the first place.”</p><p>John let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He nodded reluctantly, “okay…so…only for a couple of days…and you won’t have to feed on me again?” It sure as hell wasn't good news but, It also wasn't the worst idea ever. It was certainly doable. only if it was for a couple of days though.</p><p>“I promise,” Todd answered, bowing his head slightly.</p><p>“Deal,” John held his hand out. He ignored the spark of excitement he got from both the idea and, the skin-to-skin contact of shaking Todd’s hand.  </p><p>~</p><p>John had lots of conflicting emotions about the position he was currently in. He and Todd had agreed that he needed to have some sort of idea of how a Worshiper would normally act. Unfortunately, that meant that John found himself on his knees at Todd’s feet. The commander stared down at him, a low purr emerged from his throat which John tried not to notice. He was also trying not to notice the secret part of him that was enjoying this. ‘is just the enzyme’ he insisted with himself.</p><p>‘Why do you continue this fight?’ something asked him, and he rubbed his face in response. </p><p>The commander’s eyes raked over John's body, “stick your chest out a little more, Worshipers wear their scars with pride, not shame.”</p><p>John frowned but, did as Todd asked. He hadn’t realized how bent he was before, “do I get a shirt?”</p><p>Todd shook his head, “It’s not typical.”</p><p>“Of course…” John breathed out, collapsing in on himself again. He let his knees give way and his body sink to the floor. He felt another wave of panic coming on and, despite his best efforts to swallow it, a choked sob escaped his lips. The mission, the crash, the feeding, it was all becoming a little too much for him. </p><p>Todd bent down to regard him, “Sheppard?”</p><p>“Leave me alone,’ he answered, screwing his eyes shut.</p><p>Todd didn’t leave him alone, in fact, he did the opposite. He sunk his left hand into John's hair and gently raked his scalp with his claws. John couldn’t stop the moan that escaped his lips. He melted into the touch like jelly, keeping his eyes closed but relaxing them. some part of his mind, the miliary part perhaps, called him disgusting for not chopping Todd's hand off there. He shoved that part away.</p><p>They went on like that until John finally got a grip back on the situation and slid away from the touch. The commander pulled his hand away and rose then, offered the same hand to help John up and he accepted.</p><p>“Thank you…” was all the colonel could say. </p><p>“Perhaps you should rest,” Todd offered, extending a hand to the bed. </p><p>John welcomed the thought and gladly sunk into the surprisingly human mattress. He fell asleep as soon as he closed his eyes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A New Start</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>John finally gets something off his chest and the pair prepare to face a new challenge</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A day, John had only been on this hive ship for a day and it already felt like an eternity. In that time, He’d panicked, been pinned down, fed upon, and touched in ways he couldn’t bring himself to hate. Now, there was a new challenge. Their Wraith hosts had requested Todd come to meet with them, and to bring his human worshiper. John couldn’t count the number of times Todd had ran him through how to act.</p><p>Kneel at all times, don’t make direct eye contact. Chest out, eyes dull. Worshipers weren’t supposed to react to the things Wraith say.<br/>

And, although Todd had assured him that no one would lay a hand on another Wraith’s property, he couldn’t help but feel nervous that rule wouldn’t hold regarding Wraith who weren’t part of their hive.</p><p>“Remember that I’m not from this hive,” Todd explained “so they automatically don’t trust me and what I say” His eyes went dark for a moment after that, as if he was remembering something dark. “Don’t be surprised if and when they press for the details of our attack and escape. Do you remember what I said we’re going with?”<br/>

John looked up from his position on his knees. He gave Todd the softest, most adoring look he could muster and said quietly “Yes, my lord.” Inside, his stomach flipped, and he wasn’t sure if it was in disgust or…excitement. Either way, he really wasn’t looking forward to this. </p><p>Todd’s eyes flashed and his sensory pits flared ever so slightly, “Good,” he managed to get out before a purr arose.<br/>

John flushed, he looked back down to Todd’s boots. His heart was beating faster than it ever had before.<br/>
The commander was just about to say something when the door slid open and a tall, skinny Wraith officer with shoulder-length white hair entered, accompanied by two drones. </p><p>“The council is ready to receive you.” He drolled, narrowing his eyes at John, who shifted nervously.</p><p>Todd sank a hand into John's hair and raked his nails over his scalp again. “It's alright” He whispered, “We’re guests.”</p><p>John nodded, peering up at Todd with an adoring smile plastered on his face. He hoped it was as convincing as it felt.</p><p>The other Wraith growled, “Come, they don’t like being kept waiting.”</p><p>~</p><p>They walked, John right Behind Todd, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. The longer this went on, the more uncomfortable he became. Thoughts of how horribly wrong things could go ran on repeat. They could be discovered, which would lead to him being eaten. Todd could turn on him, which would lead to him being eaten. Or, they could just cut out the middle man and eat him. So, he had to trust Todd but Todd hadn’t exactly been honest with him so far. Or…least Todd had acted with his own autonomy and created a situation worse than anything John had previously imagined could happen. He sighed mentally at that thought because he knew that Todd was right about it being the only way. Despite his personal feelings, he could see that Todd had made a survival decision as a high-ranking officer and John just had to accept that. And, he had to accept that Todd was, technically, in this situation at least higher ranking than him. In this situation, Todd definitely knew best. But what if-</p><p>Todd stopped dead in his tracks and turned around, eyes narrowed. In his mind, he heard the voice again and, this time, he knew whose voice it was;<br/>
‘If you worry any harder someone else will hear you’</p><p>He turned back around and started walking again, leaving John with little time to process what the hell just happened before he had to run to catch up, earning a confused look from the Wraith officer leading them.</p><p>'You can hear my thoughts?!’</p><p>‘Ever since the first time I fed upon you. It has only gotten stronger with the second time, especially when coupled with the gift.’</p><p>His head was spinning, his heart beat faster, and his legs felt like they’d give out at any moment. It all made sense now, the time before they’d left, the way Teyla had looked at him…oh my god.</p><p>‘Stay calm’ Todd basically ordered, ‘focus on me and what I’m thinking’</p><p>‘It's kind of hard when you drop a bombshell like that on me!’ had Todd been able to hear everything he’d thought about the past two days as well? The ogling, the freakout, even the… He shuttered, mind spinning again.</p><p>‘I hear many things, Sheppard’</p><p>‘Get the hell out of my head.’ He snapped, going redder by the minute. The struggle to keep his face happily blissful was increasing and all he really felt like doing right now was pinning the Wraith down and choking the life out of him.</p><p>Todd snorted </p><p>Face twisting, John tried to slam down the mind block he’d used on other Wraith. Todd caught it, forcing it up and curling claws around John's head that held him there, fast and stuck to the other's inner life. They turned a corner and doors slid open. John gulped.</p><p>‘It would be wise to keep me in, Sheppard, this will be a long meeting.’</p><p>~</p><p>The room was large with a high ceiling and littered with those glowing lights. Thick columns rose up around them and, at the center was a table made of organic material. The moment they stepped in, three Wraith rose from chairs of purple like the ones everywhere else. They all growled, not veiling their annoyance at Todd’s presence at all.</p><p>“We are surprised to see you again, kaasaelaja, “The one in the middle said. He was shortish and kind of stokey with braided hair that fell almost to his waist, He was clean shaven and his skin was a darker tint of green than any Wraith John had ever seen. </p><p>Todd growled quietly but, spread his arms out and bowed his head respectfully, “It is unfortunate that I must be here at all but, considering the circumstances-“<br/>
"Ah yes, your circumstances,“ the Wraith next to the first interrupted, yellow eyes glowing in anticpation, “and what exactly are they again? Your first explanation left much to be asked."</p><p>“and much to be answered, “ The last Wraith added.“ John decided to call them Hewy, Dewy, and Lewy in the order in which They’d spoken.</p><p>“And why is your Worpshiper still standing“ Lewy snapped “We knew you were soft but, not that soft."</p><p>Todd turned around to John, his top lip curled back in annoyance “On your knees,“ He ordered.</p><p>John paled and fell to his knees, an apology already on his lips. In his head, however, he was still seething from the pervious events.<br/>
Keep calm, he told himself, you can’t kill him if he’s already dead.</p><p>’Or you for that matter’ came Todd’s humorous response before he growled at him one more time for good measure and turned his attention back to the three Wraith, “He forgets himself sometimes but," His eyes went to John again and he fixed him with a hungry stare that sent a shiver down John’s spine “I always remind him in the end.“ </p><p>“Yes, my lord“ John breathed, hoping he wasn't vissably sweating. ’stop head talking to me, bastard’</p><p>Todd purred, running his hand through John's hair gently 'ironically, this was probably the best outcome’ he assured him, ignoring John's request. </p><p>Satified, the three Wraith sat and, Todd followed suiet, bringing John’s head against his outer thigh and continuing to stroke his hair.</p><p>It was so strangely comforting that John wasn’t sure what he was felling so, he just allowed himself to sink into the gesture. It’s all an act, he reminded himself and tried not to think about other things, other actions associated with touching hair. The anger of the incident with finding out Todd was reading his every thought was fading and, it left John with a new idea; if Todd could hear his thoughts at will, could John hear Todd’s? God, there were a lot of questions John could get answered with a little breach in privacy that Todd definitely deserved. </p><p>Shit, he hopped the commander hadn’t heard that. </p><p>He didn’t appear to have because he only purred slightly. One of Wraith made a disgusted noise which Todd responded to with a growl, hand tightening on John's head slightly.</p><p>“Tell us again how it is that you and this, thing, ended up alone on a gateless planet?”</p><p>John stiffened under Todd. Should he do it now? Or would that jeopardize the act? Todd wasn’t really paying attention right now so it might be easier…plus, it would give John something else to do besides think very loudly about how nice Todd’s claws and big hands felt on his hair…</p><p>Todd smirked and tugged at John's brown locks in response. John did his best not to enjoy it.</p><p>The commander gave the three Wraith all a once over, “My crew and I were traveling on three cruisers, going to cull a nearby planet.” To John, he said, ‘whatever you do, do not react to anything I say.’</p><p>John nodded ever so slightly, not really paying attention, he was going to do it.</p><p>“Go on” Lewy snapped.</p><p>“We were attacked by a hive ship above the planet you found us on…all three of my ships went down. We were lucky that the planet had a gate at all.”</p><p>He reached out with his mind, the way Todd had done, and found a barrier. He closed his eyes and focused on the idea of getting through it. It was soft, almost bubblegum-like in structure, and, to his surprise, he moved in quite easily.</p><p>Success </p><p>He frowned, grappling for something to catch, but nothing seemed to be leaping out into his waiting hands. He was starting to get nervous.<br/>
“That’s it? that is a weak explanation, kaasaelaja."</p><p>“It is not all.” Todd said gravely “I ordered my men to escape in darts through the stargate. At first, I thought my ship might hold so my mate and I stayed on board.” His sensory puts flared “But, It did not and I was forced to flee minutes after my crew. By the time I got to the stargate, it was closed, and the dial was blown to oblivion.” </p><p>Mate? The idea snapped John's concentration and, in doing that, gave Todd the idea that John was somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be. The walls slammed down, and John was thrown out with a force that made his head spin. Todd's hand ran down to John's jaw and seized it painfully. John whimpered, cursing internally. ‘Do not take advantage of me, Sheppard.’ He snarled mentally. </p><p>“Your…mate?” Hewy accused. </p><p>“It is not unheard of” Todd retorted, eyes shining. He was ridged now, his hand did not return to casually stroking. </p><p>John had to physically fight the anger bubbling up inside him, and the urge to pull away from Todd’s hash grip. How dare he act like that when he’d done so much bullshit without asking before-</p><p>‘Quiet, you are thinking too loudly for me to think.’ It was cold, angry, like the male in the bunker had been.</p><p>‘I’m going to shoot you when we get back to Atlantis.’ He promised, with all the anger of prior promises to do the same.</p><p>“Very well,” Hewy taunted “I do not believe you.”</p><p>“What?” Todd’s hand left John's head as he rose, multitoned voice booming throughout the room. Instantly, both human and Wraith were pulled from their quarrel. </p><p>Hewy scowled “We found Lantean supplies near your camp.”</p><p>John's stomach dropped.</p><p>Todd paused, John could almost feel the wave of panic that washed over him or, was it his own?</p><p>“The Lanteans do not even know I am alive,” He said, voice too calm for the direness of the situation, “whatever you found was purely…accidental.” The tinge of humor at the end felt very wrong.</p><p>“Hmm” Hewy growled “Then you won’t mind if you ask your mate about what happened?”</p><p>“No-“ John was saying but Todd covered his mouth and hissed lightly, John froze</p><p>“Forgive him, he does not like to be interrogated by Wraith.” Todd snarled.</p><p>The moment of silence after that was deafening. John could only focus on his breath and the feel of Todd’s left hand covering his mouth. Through their mental bond, he could clearly feel the terror in the commander. It chilled him. And, surprised him that the commander was letting him in like that.</p><p>“Then we shall throw you out into space.” He paused, the room hanging on what he would say next “For now, lock them up.” </p><p>~</p><p>They were thrown into the small cell exactly like ones John had been locked in serval times before. But, this time it was different. Not only were none of his friends here but, John could guess the cage was reinforced to prevent Todd from being able to escape.</p><p>Todd…John shuttered when he remembered his companion. This…This was too similar, he felt a heavy, crushing weight inside him that made it a bit hard to breath. His naked chest burned in anticipation. </p><p>Todd slammed his left hand against the back wall of the cell and roared. Through their mental link, John’s head was filled with the loudness noise he’d ever heard. A mishmash of emotions, of thoughts and of decisions. He jumped back, fear running up his spine. </p><p>Todd eyed him, yellow orbs glowing even in the low light. He said nothing, the rage in Johns mind was more than enough context. Still, he found himself wanting to speak and so, he did. Despite everything, despite the hopelessness, he asked:</p><p>“They called you kaasaelaja,” the word was awkward on his human tongue “Is that…your name?”</p><p>“No” Todd growled “It is an insult, it means traitor in your tongue, sympathizer in ours.”</p><p>“Sympathizer?” He echoed.</p><p>Todd looked at him for a long moment. There was something in his mind, John could feel it. He reached out and-</p><p>Todd was coming at him so fast that he didn’t have time to doge. The commander rammed him up against the closest wall, mind barrier coming down stronger now.<br/>
“Do not” He hissed; eyes wide as he lifted John off the ground by his shirt “enter me when I do wish to share.”</p><p>John stared at him, eyes equally as wide. Panic welled in his chest, his scar burned hotter and a lump forming in his throat. He couldn’t breathe again.<br/>
“L-Let me down” He shoved out pathetically, his eyes stung with the threat of tears, pleading with the commander.</p><p>John expected Todd to drop him but, instead, the Wraith sighed and lowered him gently, varying him all the way to the floor where he curled up, hiding his face from yellow eyes.</p><p>It was a long time before a low, multitoned voice responded “I did not mean-“</p><p>“Shut the hell up, Todd.” John snapped “And don’t fucking touch me.” He blinked back more tears “Not…in here”</p><p>He felt claws against him again. For a moment he considered shutting them out but, he didn’t have the mental energy nor the desire to stop what he would have to explain out loud otherwise. In that split second, he allowed himself to shove every last thought and feeling of Koyla, prison, the nonconsensual feeding, Todd’s refusal to talk about it, onto the Wraith. He let him feel the trauma and it all was accompanied by a wracked sob that forced its way out of John's throat. In an instant he was shaking, his hidden eyes dripping with tears. Years of emotion, an old wound, were open to view.</p><p>“Oh…” Todd replied lowly “I didn’t know it affected you so much, Sheppard,” His voce was soft and understanding. </p><p>“How could you?” John accused “You won’t even talk about it.” His voice was shaky, his body hurt. </p><p>“You are not the only one it affects…” Todd whispered.</p><p>“Neither are you.”</p><p>~</p><p>It was silent for a while, then Todd stood and made his way over to Johns. He sat next to him and gently placed his left hand on John's head. John didn’t flinch away, he didn’t have the will. </p><p>“Koyla turned me into an animal, Sheppard” He began “I wish I could tell you everything right now but…as you have boundaries, so do I…and I am not ready.”</p><p>John raises his head, annoyance in his puffy eyes, “If I’m going to respect your boundaries, you have to respect mine.” He said evenly, touching his bare chest which was finally starting to hurt less, “which means telling me the goddam plan before you carry it out, and not,” he paused “and not…reading my thoughts when I don’t want you to.” </p><p>Todd’s gaze softened and his hand fell from John's head almost respectfully, “I’ll do my best-“</p><p>“No you’ll do it,” he said icily, “Because we’re teammates right now and that’s how teams work.” </p><p>John could feel Todd mulling that over and, he was supprised that Todd had opened his head even that little bit. </p><p>Finally, he nodded, “Alright, no more surprises.”</p><p>“Thank you” John sighed, letting his eyelids close. The relief of finally standing up for himself was so great that he forgot his previous anger and now he just wanted to sleep. The emotions he was feeling must have still been sending to Todd because, when the commander wrapped an arm around him and pulled him against his chest, John didn’t say a word. </p><p>Todd didn’t let him sleep though. There was only peace for a few minutes before he said tensely, “Sheppard, we need to get out of here.”</p><p>“I know” John groaned lightly, pulling off of Tod and rubbing his eyes, “They’re only going to let us go if we prove ourselves,”</p><p>Todd knew what John was thinking before he said it “No, they’ll discover us.”</p><p>“They won’t, I’ve blocked out lots of Wraith before,”</p><p>“But this time you have to let them in” Todd argued “You’d have to lie in your mind.”</p><p>John looked up at him with a hard expression “We don’t have a choice…there’s no way for us to escape and we’re days away from a stargate, they’ll kill us if we don’t try anyways…"</p><p>Todd looked him up and down, eyes shining “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yes”</p><p>He sighed, rising slowly “Then I won’t stand in your way."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Finally, some real communication between these two, get ready for it to get a lot heavier :)</p><p>And of course, thank you all for all the support, comments, and kudos!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Confessions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The pair have a heart to heart about Todd's past and how their shared imprisonment affects their relationship.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one was tough. A lot of world-building went into this chapter. Hope you enjoy this character interaction heavy chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hewy came a little later with two drones, maybe the same ones from before but John wasn’t sure. His heart was beating too fast to care.</p><p>‘I have to get this right’ echoed in his mind. A lot depended on him at least delaying the execution so that he and Todd could find a way to escape.</p><p>“One last chance, Kaasaleja,” Hewy snarled with undue hate. John shuttered. He’d never get used to the way these creatures looked. </p><p>Todd growled, eyes narrowed in response and he looked to John. They locked eyes for a long moment before Todd reached up and put his right hand directly on John's scar. His breath hitched. He kept a steady gaze on Todd. For once, he didn’t want to run. </p><p>“I have agreed,” The commander drew his hand down John's muscular chest before pulling away, leaving John’s breath caught in his throat. “But” Todd turned his eyes to Hewy and snarled menacingly “if he is damaged, there will be no number of Wraith great enough to prevent the destruction of your hive.”</p><p>Hewy laughed at that, it sounded nothing like Todd’s laugh. Todd’s wasn’t so sinister…so unnerving. John unconsciously took a step back. Todd caught his arm and gave him a pointed look. </p><p>‘Good luck, Sheppard’ “Do exactly what they say.”</p><p>‘I’ll do it, I have to’ “Yes, my lord.”</p><p>‘I hope, for my sake as well’</p><p>Hewy had long since stopped laughing and, when the doors slid open and two drones grabbed John by the arms, he was fixing Todd with an unnerving stare, “If you’re lying, I’ll drain this creature myself, and then present you to the Primary for an afternoon snack,” He paused “assuming she’ll touch you.”</p><p>John gulped, he really had to get this right.</p><p>~</p><p>John was thrown into and forced to kneel, in a small room with no furniture. It was unnervingly dim, even when his eyes adjusted to what little light there was.</p><p>A female Wraith stood across from him, she must have been the Queen. Her hair was long, and blonde which was a surprise. Her skin was pale, more grey than green. Like any Queen, she had an eerie sense of command about her that made John’s heart pick up. He looked away from her instinctively. He could already feel her sharp claws on his mind.</p><p>‘Focus on the mission’ he told himself. His mind kept drawing back to the moment of contact in the cell. The echo of Todd’s touch lingered on his bare skin. </p><p>“They saw you and the traitorous Wraith are…mates,” she snarled mockingly, stepping closer, and drawing him out of his trance “is that true?”</p><p>He nodded, trying not to let the anxiety show.</p><p>She purred, cocking her hand to one side and dragging her gaze up and down his exposed body. He shivered.</p><p>John filled his mind with all the thoughts he’d had of Todd. Every good thing, every physical response that was romantic in nature. He focused on the touch just moments before. Something about the tender way Todd’s hand had covered his scar felt more intimate than any kiss he’d shared with a woman. He could only hope it was enough </p><p>It seemed to because the queen growled in disgust and retreated, “Of course, he was always soft on you humans.”</p><p>He blushed at that for real and looked away.</p><p>“There is something about you that I cannot place,” she stated, elongating the words in a way that made John feel like prey caught in a trap. “I’ve seen many humans, many worshipers but, none as clear-headed as you.”</p><p>Her mental claws dragged down his mind painfully, he winced, feeling woozy. This was a lot harder than usual. </p><p>“What is it about your mind that makes you so…special?” She purred.</p><p>He said nothing to that, keeping his jaw locked and eyes to the ground. The less he said, the better.</p><p>She huffed with disappointment “Tell me of the attack,” She slid her hand onto John's cheek and cupped it cruelly, yanking his head toward her. He locked his eyes onto hers, refusing to be intimidated.</p><p>This was it, he told himself, the part where he really had to lie. Keeping his gaze steady, he said; “It’s just like the commander said…we were attacked,” he filled his mind with images of cruisers being destroyed. The blast that accompanied the destruction of a ship and, the rubble it left afterward. “all three of his cruisers were targeted by a surprise attack,” hives coming out of hyperspace danced around his mind and into the Queen’s waiting claws. He could sense her digging deeper and, despite his instincts, he let her in. </p><p>She smirked, squeezing his jaw tightly, “continue, human.”</p><p>“W-We…” John let his breath hitch for effect and squeezed his eyes shut like the memory was painful, “W-We barely made it out alive” His point of view during his escape on a dart that one time filled him. He let the panic of not understanding how to fly one, translate to the panic of losing a home. </p><p>“Hmm” she clicked her sharp teeth together and withdrew her hand “and what of the Lantean ship?”</p><p>John froze, he’d been hoping she wouldn’t ask that question. What could he say to that that would be convincing? And something Todd might not have admitted the first time…before he could stop it, he was watching Jumpers attack Wraith ships and, that’s when the idea came to him. Focusing as hard as he could, he let pretend fear and confusion wash over him. Let himself see the panic of Wraith he’d seen before and, the triumph of an enemy beating a foe. John forced Rodney, Teyla, Ronan, and the others out of his mind, replacing them with unknown figures. He chose the next words carefully, keeping in mind what Todd would have to work with <br/>“It attacked us…” he forced himself to shutter “The hive ship that attacked us, it was working with the Lanteans.”</p><p>“Your mate said nothing of this!” The Queen roared. John could feel her disgust through their small mental link. <br/>He made himself shrink back, “H-He was ashamed to have been beaten by them…you…you know…him”</p><p>“Ashamed?” The Queen made a noise that sounded like a laugh, “yes, his old allies picking him off is…amusing.” She backed away from John, “Very well, there appears to be some truth to what you say.”</p><p>John couldn’t stop his smile but he did his best to make it look giddy. “We can go free?” Hope dangled over a cliff just beyond his reach and he stretched to grab it.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>He tumbled down the cliffside and into the rushing waters below, “W-What?”</p><p>She bared her teeth “In honor of the alliance, we won’t kill you until we know you’re lying, and no human can resist Primary. She snapped her fingers and two Drones rushed in, the seized John by the arms started to drag him out.</p><p>“No! We need to get back!” He fought against them, failing to no avail as they pulled him from the room and down dark, musty corridors. </p><p>One drone opened the cell door while the other shoved him in and to the ground where he landed at Todd’s feet. The door shut with a bang. John groaned; he was getting to his feet when Todd pulled him by the arm to face him</p><p> “What happened?” he demanded, eyes shining.</p><p>“They didn’t buy it” John spat back, wrestling his arm free. He was getting sick of Wraith grabbing him by the arms. “They’re taking us to whatever the Primary is.”<br/>“So you failed,” Todd growled, arms folding menacingly. </p><p>“No, I saved us from early execution and bought us some time to escape.” </p><p>“Escape?” the commander echoed; an expression of amusement mixed with anger on his green face </p><p>John looked at him quizzically “What, you’re going to let yourself die?” He better not act like he did in the bunker.</p><p>“Perhaps…” The commander grunted, leaning against the wall “It is time.”</p><p>John couldn’t believe what he was hearing, again, for the second time in three years. “Great,” He threw his hands up. “Just my luck that I get imprisoned with the only suicidal Wraith in the galaxy, twice. What are you going to do? Wait until I’m on death's door again to agree to living?”</p><p>Todd brought his left hand to his forehead and sighed “What is it with you and confidence, what do you not understand about hopeless. situations. Sheppard.” He snarled the last part, looking at John through narrowed eyes.</p><p>“What is it with you and giving up?! One minute you're saying we need to get out, the next your acting like a wounded animal!” the colonel shouted back, “It's like dragging a dead man uphill!”</p><p>“You are naive and foolish. Reckless.” Todd said evenly “and young.”</p><p>“And you’re old, jaded and a pain in the goddamn ass! No wonder your hive attacked you!” John regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He jumped back, half expecting Todd to come at him but, the commander didn’t move. In fact, he didn’t speak for quite a while. He just stood there, looking at John with alien contempt.</p><p>At long last, he got up off the wall and, in two strides joined their distance. They were so close that John had to crane his neck back to look him in the eyes.</p><p>“If you have something to stay to me.” Came his low, multitoned voice, “then say it and leave me in peace.”</p><p>John gulped, his heart was beating out of his chest and he suddenly felt very exposed, vulnerable, and weak.</p><p>Todd cocked his head, keeping his gaze steadily enraged. </p><p>“I’m…” John couldn’t force the apology out, he couldn’t force anything out. </p><p>“Yes, and you never could,” Todd answered his thoughts.</p><p>“Todd-“</p><p> “Very well,” The commander interrupted. He sat in the middle of the floor, at John's feet, “ Since it will obviously do no good to plead my case, I’m going to be your “teammate” and tell you the truth.” The last part was mocking, an echo of John’s words earlier that day.</p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Sit down and shut up, Todd ordered. </p><p>John gave him a weird look. Did he really have to humor this male? The last time he’d done that he’d ended up getting fed upon in the woods. </p><p>“Last chance” Todd informed, “You can either let me talk or we can spend our last few days in silence.”</p><p>John glared at him, not happy with how familiar this was. Still, he thought he probably owed it to the Wraith so, he tentatively sat down. The sudden change in Todd’s demeanor was creeping him out.</p><p>They sat together, three feet apart and in silence until Todd spoke. He sounded older, wearier than a second ago.</p><p>“I was young, perhaps two thousand years old when the original Lanteans woke us.”</p><p>John tried to ask a question but Todd held his right hand up to stop him, “You will have many questions, Sheppard, I ask that you leave them until the end.”<br/>“Okay…” did that mean Todd was twelve thousand years old? It wasn’t impossible.</p><p>“Good.” He looked John over before continuing, “I was nothing more than a low-ranking officer at the time but, my hive was one of the most formidable beasts in space.” The ghost of a smile crossed his face before his expression went dark. “We were a match for the Lanteans but, they were also a match for us. Ship by ship we, my species, lost hundreds, perhaps thousands of soldiers. Not just drones, but workers and officers. Some of them I knew...” He looked at John with a fondness that took the colonel aback. “I was young, like you, and so idealistic. So…confidant and trusting. I loved my team, my Hive, like you do yours. I wanted a better future for them and my species. You think love is alien to me, don’t you, Sheppard?”</p><p>John’s cheeks burned with shame. He nodded. He couldn’t imagine a Wraith loving anything besides food.</p><p>“Then you’d surprised at how much passion drove me back then.” He sat back lightly, eyeing John with a lazy but, predatory stare. “I wanted peace between our kinds. I thought that, with the gift, Wraith and humans could form an agreement that would end the bloodshed on both sides of the war. We could do what I do with you, Feed and then restore.”</p><p>Johns eyes widened, “Is that why they call you k-“</p><p>“Yes, but I’m not finished.” </p><p>“Right…sorry…”</p><p>Todd closed his eyes and, John felt him reaching out mentally. The colonel let his walls drop and Todd enveloped him.</p><p>“I started sneaking information to the Lanteans, in exchange for a promise of a treaty if they won the war.” As he spoke, John's head filled with images of a younger Wraith with sleek, long sliver hair free of matting. He had brighter green skin, his face was smooth and the star tattoo on his left eye’s ink was darker, fresher. He stood tall a proud, every muscle visible under the tight raven coat he wore. He was speaking, no, pleading with Lantean men and women. It was Todd. <br/>Three men and five women stood across from him at a sleek white table that projected a holographic map of a Wraith hive from the center. </p><p>“And you give this…free of charge?” One in the middle asked. Clearly the leader. Her long brown hair shaped her face delicately and her outfit seemed to hug her a little tighter than the rest. It was a different style to the ones Elizabeth had described. She also wore a silver, woven metal head dress with a large white jewel that rested on her forehead. Probably some kind of technology. </p><p>“No,” Todd responded “It is a peace offering, so that you may agree to make peace with us at the end of the war. I can help you win it if you agree to that.”</p><p>The woman looked at him quizzically but, did not laugh, “We must confer.”</p><p>John was, at once, yanked out of the memory and back to Todd’s real voice. It was definitely aged, just like the rest of him. Rodney had been wrong to some extent, about the aging process of Wraith. It was much slower but, Todd had definitely aged. What part of that was due to stress, war and pain was unknown. </p><p>“They agreed, so long as I and a small group of officers I’d gathered continued to give them tide changing information. Slowly, under false pretenses and boosted by my allies, I rose to be second in command of my hive. It got harder then, to deliver information. My group and I had to be more careful, and someone always needed my undivided attention. But we did. For years we passed along information about hives, outposts, nurseries, and the like. My operation grew so large that at the height of it, every major hive had at least one member on my side. I even got a Queen involved.” As he spoke, John experienced the same pride Todd was remembering, it was eerie.</p><p>“So what happened then? Were you were discovered?” John asked, forgetting the rule again. His mind was going a mile a minute trying to keep up.</p><p>Todd’s eyes flashed “No, the Attero Device was created.”</p><p>“The-“</p><p>“It was a weapon, created by the Lanteans to disrupt Wraith hyperdrive frequencies and blow us up upon entrance into hyperspace.” His voice was low and angry. </p><p>John's mind filled with screams, and the sound of explosions. Hundreds of ships shattering like ice in the vastness of space. And the emotion he felt, the grief that tore through him was like nothing else he’d ever experience. It was straight from Todd heart. </p><p>He wobbled, squeezing his eyes shut and clamping his hands over his ears until the noise finally died down and he was back in the cell again.<br/>“Jesus Christ, why the hell didn’t we win the war then?” </p><p>The commander glared at him.</p><p>John frowned, “Right…uh, sorry about your ships…” </p><p>Todd shook his head impatiently, “The device also blew up stargates, it killed thousands of humans before the Lantean’s discovered that fact.”</p><p>The colonel’s stomach sank “Oh my God…”</p><p>“Indeed” Todd growled, “When my allies found out, they were furious, they turned on me before I could even begin to wrap my head around what was happening. They reported me to my Queen and I was stripped of all my titles…” He shuttered “Anyone who had ever worked with me on the project was either outcast, killed or if they were lucky and high ranking, allowed to stay in the hive as a low level solider. Almost all of the ones that had that option took it. I was supposed to be killed but, one officer that still believed in my cause helped me to escape. He was…executed I believe.”</p><p>John was thrown, full throttle, into a dark, wet and cold room with a spotlight shining directly onto his face. It was so bright that it made him sweat despite the chill. This time, this memory, he wasn’t seeing Todd, he was Todd. He could feel it in the way his muscles moved, his strong sense of smell, sharp sight, and hearing. Every emotion: the fear, the anger, the hurt, it all gut-punched him so hard that he doubled over in real life. It was agony. The pain of losing a life, a network, and friends overwhelmed his senses. </p><p>A group of Wraith, five, sat on a high pedestal above John, Todd really. They looked down on him in disgust and one boomed something about execution. He couldn’t move his hands; they were chained together with heavy irons. His body was heavy, it was painful to breathe. He hadn’t eaten in so long…</p><p>John gasped when Todd grasped his shoulders, yanking back to the real world. The harsh intrusion of light stung his eyes, and it took more than a few moments for him to recover.</p><p>“What the hell are you doing to me?” He mumbled once he could form a coherent thought.</p><p>“Getting you to understand” Todd cupped John’s cheek with his left hand, John leaned into the gesture. The anger in him had long since faded. </p><p>Once Todd thought John was back enough, he continued, “I spent the majority of the next ten thousand years earning back a good reputation. Well…” He sighed, “A reputation at all. “I’m a leader by nature, I was born to be a high-ranking officer”</p><p>“Wraith have birthrights?” he snorted. </p><p>“We have classes; drones, workers, officers, and queens.” He looked down at John, “Not every Wraith that’s not a drone has the capacity to lead.”</p><p>“So what you’re saying is that you managed to get a hive under your control because it's your nature?” that was strangely fitting. </p><p>“In short, yes,” he sighed “No one trusted me for a long time, I had to wait several thousand, lonely years before I managed to meet a hive that didn’t associate me with the war…” </p><p>“Wait, back up” he frowned “two things…Wrath have classes? And…You were…an ally…of the Lanteans?” It wasn’t hard to believe, but it floored him anyways. So much of Todd’s behavior was explained with that fact. His patience, his relative humanity, the way that other Wraith talked about him. It was all there. And he was old…about twelve thousand years old. John must seem like an infant to him…</p><p>“I was an ally of peace, Sheppard. I still am or wouldn’t have restored your life after we escaped the bunker.” He had a twinkle in his eye when he said, “You are entirely too trusting when you’re desperate.”</p><p>John blushed, then shook his head to clear it “Your grand plan to get allies was to trick and manipulate me?”</p><p>He shrugged, “We would have died if I hadn’t fed again.”</p><p>John knew Todd was right, it’d been the right move. He was a commander…it was in the way he carried himself, the way he expected others to agree and submit to his demands and, the way he wasn’t afraid to ask John and Atlantis for help. He reminded John of a more pleasant General O’Neill.</p><p>Todd chuckled, hand falling from John's cheek. </p><p>“G-Get out of my head” John stammered, and Todd chuckled again. </p><p>Things were beginning to click. The colonel knew plenty of eighty- and ninety-year-old veterans that had a similar, jaded view of the world to Todd’s. John could only guess that Todd’s age was equivalent to that. He could grasp Todd’s exhaustion and, his indifference about whether he lived or survived when he was faced with the prospect.</p><p>There was still one question sitting in the back of his mind. What had Todd wanted to tell him before the attack?</p><p>“Todd?” John asked hesitantly, “what…did you want to tell me before your crew attacked you?”</p><p>The commander let out a long breath. “Humans remember quite well for a species with such a short life span.”</p><p>“It was four days ago”</p><p>“Still” he sat up a little straighter, looking down at John with apprehension. “There isn’t much more I need hide from you…and I suppose you have the right to know.”<br/>In Todd’s head, John could hear faint whispers of ideas, of hopes. ‘This is what we share’ ‘you got to end the man who caused us both so much pain, understand my motives too’ what surprise John the most was that Todd wasn’t pushing him away. </p><p>“It's about Koyla, isn’t it?” he said cautiously, not wanting to upset the commander any more than he already had. </p><p>“It is,” Todd said darkly.</p><p>John reached out with his mind to embrace the panic in Todd’s, “You can talk to me about Koyla.” The words felt awkward, this whole emotions deal felt awkward and horrible in general. Hearing about what happened ten thousand years ago was one thing. Talking about a traumatizing event that happened less than two years ago was a whole different deal, especially when it also involved John. The colonel had never don’t anything like it before, even when he was in the military on earth. There he’d tried to avoid talking about any sort of experience he and a team had shared. He’d never spoken a word to a normal person about the details of what had got him dishonorably discharged, not even to defend himself.</p><p>On the other hand, Todd’s mind told him that the commander was really not looking forward to this either so, at least they were equally as uncomfortable.</p><p>Some of that must have gotten to Todd because the commander relaxed slightly. “Your team has called me manipulative in the past, they are right.”<br/>John frowned, “What?” Not what he was expecting. Their moment of peace was slipping away. </p><p>“What I wanted to tell you…I hoped that you would understand…” He hissed slightly, “The nursery we were going to belongs to the hive that I lived in before Koyla Imprisoned me.”</p><p>“What?” Alarm bells were already going off that this was one of Todd’s tricks. </p><p>“I told you that I had to build my reputation and that the hive I found didn’t know me. Well, one of their allies did.” His gaze darkened, “they told my Queen of my past…I was knocked from my position again…I was only allowed to stay in the hive because of my age and the knowledge it brought…and because these Wraith also had human allies.</p><p>“The Genii” the words flew out of John's mouth before he could stop them. </p><p>“Yes…the Genii.” </p><p>“Oh my God.” He growled, “are you serious?” He pulled away from the commander.” What the hell?” So it was just another lie, another trick to get John to do what he wanted without asking or even consulting him. Like John wouldn’t have understood at the beginning. Like he wasn’t even there.</p><p>“Sheppard-“ </p><p>“No, shut up,” he snapped, rising to his feet. “That’s why you let us come along to destroy the nursey, isn’t it?”</p><p>“It was, it was the only thing I could do.”</p><p>“No, It wasn’t.” He began to pace the length of the cell, boots stomping against the cold floor in anger. “You could have told me before we set off. You should have told Woolsey, but you really should have told me.”</p><p>Todd got to his feet as well, his stance was defensive. “You and your team have not been the most welcoming.” He turned around and joined his hands together like they were cuffed by a bar, “look familiar?”</p><p>John stopped, briefly, to regard him but, instead of anger, he felt the tight bonds of rope on his hands, legs, and a gag in his mouth. Too familiar. He felt light-headed. </p><p>“Exactly. I know how being locked up makes you feel. It aches, right there,” he turns back and pointed to John’s scar’s, the colonel instinctively covered them. “How do you think being shoved in your prison makes me feel? Do you think it burns, Sheppard? Because it does worse. Atlantis but, most disappointing, you, treat me the way he did.”</p><p>“I’m nothing like-“</p><p>Todd shook his head “You are. I wanted to trust you, but this was my only chance. I couldn’t…”</p><p>“I would have vouched for you like I did anyways.” John pleaded, but shame was growing in him. Todd was right, they were just as awful to him as Koyla had been. They’d starved him, caged him, questioned him, threatened to kill him. All the questions that Kept John up at night were coming to a head and all he wanted to do was run. </p><p>“I couldn’t know that for sure.” It was a low growl. “They used me in a peace exchange, Sheppard. For one year I was to live among the Genii while one of their own lived among my kind. Then Koyla threw me in a cell where I spent the next decade. No Wraith came for me. No one came for me, again.”</p><p>John started at him, pieces and truth coming together. And, a laughable thought. Todd was sacred. It was in his eyes, his body movements and, it was screaming across his mind. The commander had been afraid to tell Atlantis. </p><p>He felt sick, and not just because of the memories of that cell. He could imagine, almost sense the pain of the ordeal, the hatred and grief that had stewed in Todd for a decade. It must have seemed like an eternity, even for someone so old. No wonder…</p><p>“I get it…” He settled on, he couldn’t contextualize anything else.</p><p>Todd stared at Jon and John stared at Todd, taking him in the way he was’ exhausted, bent, solid, enraged, and frightened of losing allies. He couldn’t think with everything he’d just been told. Koyla had been working with Wraith? The Genii at all worked with Wraith? God, Laden must have had more than just political aspirations, he probably wanted Koyla out so the Genii weren’t connected to their enemy. And he really couldn’t think with all these new emotions Todd was throwing his way. </p><p>All these questions, it was too much to handle, too much to ask. Instead, John reached out with his mind, “Show me,” he whispered and closed his eyes.</p><p>The barrier the colonel pushed against dropped and he went sailing in. When he opened his eyes he was standing in the middle of the bunker cell Todd had been in. It was damp, cold, and dark but, through Wraith vision he could see clear as day. The body he was inside of was scratching, yanking at the iron bars, and yelling for Koyla to face him. A power bolt of electricity sent him flying back against the cell wall where his head cracked. The pain of a fractured stull tore through him, the laughs of nearby guards in olive green uniforms and stupid hats. only humiliating him further. </p><p>With a gasp and a scream, John was back in his own body with Todd gripping him tight by the arms. His vision was hazy, his speech slurred but, he managed to get out “Again”</p><p>A cattle prod jabbed him roughly as he was escorted down a familiar hallway. His feet hit stone paths that matched the walls. This time, the overwhelming sensation was hunger, a hunger so deep that his body could barely move on its own. The only thought in his mind was of food, there was food where he was going. </p><p>The men brought him into the room John had been fed upon in. In the chair he’d sat in, was a young woman in her twenties. She was screaming for help through a gag and trying desperately to yank the chair away from the approaching Wraith. Koyla was there, about a decade younger and even crueler looking.</p><p>“This is your last chance to cooperate with us, Chancellor.” It was echoey, hunger was taking him over. </p><p>She shook her head violently. </p><p>“That’s a shame” Koyla growled and nodded to the guards. John hissed hungrily. If he could tell the women how sorry he was…</p><p>Again, he was yanked from the memory and back into Todd’s arms. He felt delirious, ill, and exhausted. He vaguely noticed that Todd’s arms were fully wrapped around him, his body weight supporting the human male. </p><p>“…A…Again” He stammered but Todd shook his head.</p><p>“No more, it is too painful for me as well.” He helped John to the hard ground and let the colonel’s head lay on his lap, a hand on his hair but not moving. </p><p>And now John understood. He got the picture. Every lash out, every decision. The turmoil in Todd’s mind finally made sense. The male had been betrayed for wanting peace. Scratch that, he’d been tortured for wanting peace. John knew little about Wraith minds but, he got the sense that Wraith liked being around each other, hearing each other's thoughts. Rodney had even speculated that the reason Wraith didn’t have human names was because they operated so much within a mental sphere that they didn’t need them. John felt even more ashamed of what he’d said and, for other things he’d said and done to Todd over the years. All those things that he’d never do or say to a human ally. What it came down to was that Todd had always tried to be Atlantis’s ally, and no one on Atlantis had so much a thanked him for that</p><p>“I’m sorry…” He mumbled.</p><p>“Hmm?” Todd looked down at him with waiting eyes.</p><p>Inhaling, he repeated, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>The commander let out a low purr and ran his nails along John’s scalp rhythmically in approval.</p><p>John sighed, relaxing into it and closing his eyes. </p><p>“Now you see,” Todd said after a little, “why I wish to die if I can’t destroy those who harmed me.”</p><p>John snorted lightly, opening one eye. He wasn’t going to let the Wraith off that easy. “You’re a pessimist,” he mumbled, “when we get out of here, we’re going to blow those bastards to pieces.”</p><p>Todd huffed in amusement “What makes you so sure?” </p><p>“I just am”</p><p>“There’s no rescue team this time, Sheppard. It is only us, alone in a bunker. We can't win this fight, we might as well just give up."</p><p>“You forgot horribly outmatched” John added with a tint of humor, eyes flicking open and shut. “It’s exactly my style.”</p><p>“I don’t think I’ll ever understand you,” </p><p>“Maybe not but, we don’t have to understand each other to be friends.”</p><p>They locked eyes and, the way Todd looked at him then made John wish he was brave enough to call them something more.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A Way Out/Coming Closer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The pair share in a feeding ritual and, discover that their only way off the ship lies entirely in someone else's hands.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“If we’re going to do this…you know I need to feed” Todd whispered. </p><p>“I know,” John whispered back gravely, trying to push the sick feeling down.</p><p>The two males were huddled against the back wall of their cell, planning. John had all but passed out last night after their conversion, leaving the two with several lost hours of time. They were going to have to think of something fast. John had already been through everything he told the Queen, twice to make sure Todd and him were on the same page. The commander had been impressed with John’s quick thinking in explaining away the puddle jumper.<br/>“I will be gentle.” He put his hand on John's shoulder.</p><p>“I know…” John swallowed, trying not to react to the touch, “I know that now…”</p><p>“Hmm” His hand fell away, “It would be unwise to try and escape before we know that there is a gate nearby.”</p><p>“Which will be where? We’re in empty space."</p><p>Todd shook his head “There’s no way to tell” He looked from side to side and lowered his voice until it was almost inaudible, “It would have to be once we’ve landed where we’re going.”</p><p>John snorted “I’m all for daring escapes but, without help that’s impossible.”</p><p>Todd shook his head, “There’s someone…here who might be able to help.”</p><p>John’s eyebrow’s shot up “Someone from your old network?</p><p>“Unfortunately…” His voice was a growl, “he is one of the ones who interrogated us. We were close once, he was my second…he may be persuaded to help me once more.”</p><p>“Help us jailbreak?”</p><p>“Exactly, and escort us enough of the way so that when we run, it's closer to a dart.”</p><p>John felt uneasy at the idea of consorting with a Wraith who could have them drained for asking but, the pair didn’t have much choice or any choice. He nodded reluctantly, “How are we going to convince him?”</p><p>Todd scanned him with slitted eyes, “While you were out someone came by to tell me that I have an audience with him…” He grimaced, “I will try then and, if you are willing, you may attend through our mental link.”</p><p>John was something more than shocked at that moment, “We can do that?”</p><p>“After a third feeding, yes, it should work."</p><p>John gulped, hand going to his still naked chest. He wasn’t sure if he was shivering from the prospect, or from the cold, “Do we have to…?”</p><p>“I promised I would not hurt you,” Todd insisted, “I do not wish for your only feeding experiences to be…” He searched for the right word, “Done under necessity, clinical. Not when it can be…something much more” his slits flare when he said it, posture leaning forward a little.</p><p>John looked him over for a long while, weighing the idea against his better judgment, better judgment losing to the spark in his stomach that seemed to crave, and dread, at the same time. The promise of something more…</p><p>“Alright…” he grit his teeth “It's not like you didn’t say…” his heart was hammering in his chest, his body suddenly aware of every part of himself. </p><p>Todd stalked forward, breath heavy and eyes open, alert. As he got closer, John instinctively backed away, finding himself pressed up against the wall, eyeing his companion nervously.</p><p>Todd’s left hand drew up to the Colonel’s flushed cheek, his scrutinizing stare boring holes into John's mind, “I promise…” He dragged his hand down John's body to wrap his arm around the man’s waist in an embrace that had John turning his head away in shame over how sensual it was.</p><p>Something pooled in the Colonel’s stomach, something that wasn’t fear. </p><p>Todd’s feeding hand slid up his waist tenderly, finding its place directly on John's scar. John forced himself to hold Todd’s gaze, forced himself to keep his eyes open to assert his equal standing in this exchange. </p><p>Todd let out a low purr and his slits flared. John felt a mind move against his</p><p>“I can share with you,” Todd mumbled, “It will hurt less if you feel my pleasure.”</p><p>His brow furrowed, “Won’t…that also transfer my pain to you?”</p><p>Todd looked surprised at the question, “It is only fair, Sheppard.”</p><p>John eyed him, trying to look scrutinizing but, he probably just looked grateful. He nodded weakly, mind spinning and bouncing between the instinct to run and the anticipation of being this close to the other male…so close that he could see his muscles contacting under that black coat. </p><p>He flushed, forcing that out of his mind before he let Todd in.</p><p>The invade was gentle, just like the commander’s caress. Todd wrapped his mind around John’s and let John do the same. They melded, as two might meld in a kiss.</p><p>Todd purred again, voice ringing through the haze ‘Brace yourself’</p><p>John had scarcely more than a second to do so before Todd’s hand-mouth latched onto his flesh and drew.</p><p>The Colonel’s mouth was quickly covered by his own hand, morphing his scream of agony into pained gasps. Todd pressed his body against the organic wall to support his weight. The torrent that came was nothing short of a confusing myriad of emotions and sensations. John was caught between the suffering of the drain and, Todd’s overwhelming ecstasy as he fed. It was like eating a fine roast after starving for two weeks, like eating a hot meal at home after months of army rations. The two sensations coursed through his body as one, melding them together and leaving him gasping, whimpering. His other hand yanked the Wraith close by the waist almost involuntarily. Todd let himself be yanked, he let John’s head fall against his shoulder, John’s own hand still pressed to his jaw. God, it felt amazing, John couldn’t even begin to grasp how Todd must feel when he fed, what the unmuted, pure sensation must be like.</p><p>Slowly, the torrent faded into a steady thrum of pain, weariness, and exhaustion. John’s body went limp against the commander, not able to stand on his own.</p><p>Todd chuckled, and detached his hand from John’s flesh, earning a muffled groan from the Colonel. The commander hulled him up against the wall, pinning his heavy body up with hard, taut muscles. His hungry eyes scanning John’s aged body. His pupils were dilated, his skin somehow looked flushed under all that green. </p><p>“Good?” John mused hoarsely; his vocal cords revealed how old he must appear.</p><p>“Mmm” Todd purred and butterflies swarmed in John’s stomach. There was something in him that was a little proud, just a little.</p><p>“Ready to get back on your feet?”</p><p>“Does it…does it hurt? To do that…?”</p><p>“No,” Todd ran a hand through John’s grey locks, “It is a most cherished sensation we only share with humans we value.”</p><p>"Our most devout Worshipers," John echoed from years ago.</p><p>"And our brother's" Todd replied, saying brother in a completely unbiological sounding way.</p><p> A blush crept up the face at the bluntness, he turned his head away, “J-Just…hurry up, I’m not feeling too good here.”</p><p>“Of course,” The hand mouth slid up to his neck, fingers spread and teeth latched onto the scar there. John winced, then gasped something glorious when he felt his life force return.</p><p>It wasn’t like anything John had ever felt before. The feeling of cells coming back to life, his body returning to power and muscle, to youth. It was a million times better than any sex he’d ever had. He had to cover his mouth again to stop himself from moaning as the indescribable sensation of life returning washed over him again and again with each new pulse of energy. He twisted in the stronger Wraiths grasp; under overwhelming sensations, he almost couldn’t handle. It was overstimulation in the best way possible, and it was the best torture he’d ever endured. Something of a sob escaped him, his eyes misted, tears escaping when he screwed them shut.</p><p>The gift of life wasn’t as long as the feeding process. Too soon was Todd pulling his hand back, earning another strangled cry from the Colonel. If he hadn’t been high on the enzyme, John would have felt embarrassed at the way he must look, all blissed out and limp despite the energy he had newly packed in every cell. He’d been too frail, too old the last time he’d been conscious for the gift. He’d hadn’t even tasted it that time, only remembering the sensation as the absence of pain, not the opposite. </p><p>“It is better when it’s consensual.” Todd drawled heavily, sounding almost as breathy as John. He was still pressed against the other male’s body, still supporting him by sheer strength alone, “and when it is done with trust.”</p><p>John’s eyes fluttered open to meet yellow cat eyes very close to his face. He let out a chuckle, grip on the Wraith relaxing slightly, “It’s a hell of a lot more than "better"</p><p>Todd returned the chuckle, dilated eyes twinkling from the reciprocated pleasure the process brought. He brought a clawed, left hand up to cup John’s flushed cheek, thumb brushing the skin of his lips intently, affectionately. John wasn’t sure why he didn’t pull away from such an intimate gesture, or why he didn’t shutter at how extremely physically close the two were. This was nothing like a head on a lap or a battle grip. This was…</p><p>John found his gaze dropping to Todd's own lips, ignoring sharp teeth for the fantasy of moving closer.</p><p>“Shhheepaarrdd,” Todd’s purr was low, sensual, and matched John’s headspace perfectly. The Wraith drew closer, head tilting down, lips moving to close their gap, John’s parted in response…</p><p>The loud clang of the cell door opening had Todd’s head whipping around to face the entrance, a low growl escaping his chest. He pulled away from John as if the man were on fire.</p><p>John slumped against the wall, head still spinning but, not quite dazed enough to not feel annoyance bloom deep inside him. He straightened, eyes sliding to meet the figure and ugly, Brutish face of Lewy, who looked entirely less than pleased at what he’d walked in on. </p><p>Lewy’s eyes met John’s for a brief moment before sliding to Todd’s “Kaasaleja,” He growled</p><p>“Please,” Todd said gruffly, a strange mix of disinterest and annoyance on his tongue “that is no way to greet me.”</p><p>“It’s what you deserve,” He snarled back. This must be Todd’s “friend”</p><p>“Then you as well, doubly for your betrayal.”</p><p>The words stung; John could tell from Lewy’s wince.</p><p>‘My former second’ came Todd’s mental confirmation. The voice in his head was surprisingly clearer than it had been before the third feeding. The emotions that went with ‘former’ were tangible, almost as if they were John’s own.</p><p>John took a second to wonder how it was possible to feel this close to someone when they were halfway across the room. If he concentrated on the memory, could he draw to the surface the emotions of seconds earlier? Could he make Todd feel as he felt now, energized yet dazed and light?</p><p>A shiver ran up his spine. Todd’s hold inviting hold strengthened and purr somewhere between a warning and an approval sounded in their joined mind. So, he could, he’d remember that. </p><p>Instead of an answer, Lewy chose to grunt and bark an order at two drones that appeared out of the shadows like apparitions. One seized Todd from behind while the other bound his wrists behind his back in heavy, metal chains. Todd’s panic pricked like little needles, John could almost feel his muscles tensing, resisting the urge to break free.</p><p>The same urge that he probably felt every time Atlantis did the same thing. Guilt pooled in John’s stomach.</p><p>“Where are we going?” Todd asked stress masked expertly with indifference.</p><p>“Somewhere.” </p><p>The drones fell behind to lead the older Wraith forward. Before they could go, Todd turned back to regard John who was still against the wall, still needing a little extra support. </p><p>“Behave,” he ordered, voice commanding yet, gentile.</p><p>John nodded, adding a little extra droll to his stary eyes. he let himself slide down the wall in a submissive display only Todd could see through. <br/>‘We’re going to have to talk about your tone.’ He shot at Todd humorously. The Colonel felt the urge to laugh against his mind and, he was happy to have overpowered the cuffs if only for a second or two. </p><p>Todd was quickly swept away, leaving John alone with their shared thoughts.</p><p>~</p><p>Todd</p><p>‘We’re going to have to talk about your tone’ Sheppard’s voice curled against the commander’s mind humorously. He fought the urge to laugh, something that would have been entirely out of place seeing as he was chained. </p><p>He flexed in his bonds as their party left, leaving Sheppard alone in the cell, and the commander alone with three hostiles.</p><p>He’d be lying, not only to himself but to Sheppard, if he pretended that the sensation of arms pinned behind his back and guards roughly escorting him from one room to the other, didn’t bring back memories. He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t ache from phantom hunger, despite the feast he’d been allowed only minutes ago. </p><p>His former second had to have noticed something in his eyes because his snort was mocking. The older Wraith must have reeked of fear and apprehension. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his heart rate and calm his nerves, his glands. From deep within him came a warm, ‘he’s dead, Todd, we can get out of this,’ Sheppard trying his best to wash a decade of torture away. </p><p>It was endearing, then again, so was the man himself. The Wraith would be lying again if he said that the Colonel’s words didn’t help. </p><p>Their black boots thumped against the organic floors of the unfamiliar hive, taking twists and turns that were almost familiar but, not really. His own version of the “uncanny valley’ Sheppard had once mentioned when regarding the commander’s own species. </p><p>Humans were strange, this human in particular.</p><p>They entered, through a code-activated door, into a medium-sized room that housed only a wide, stout round table. No chairs were in sight save for one at the metaphorical head, closest to the door, of the table. It looked almost human, compete with armrests that sported thick, metal bands the Warith knew were for his arms. He recognized it as an interrogation room. The one on his ship had been used frequently over the past few months. </p><p>A pang of longing went through him, anger bubbling up soon after at the memory of his crew’s treachery. From in him, Sheppard stirred, pushing calming emotions against the negative ones. The commander let it happen, let himself be mellowed by the other’s presence. The third feeding had been a good idea for many reasons.<br/>The drones situated the Wraith in the chair, locking his muscled arm’s in tightly so that he could not even flex without discomfort. They were sent out shortly after, the door closing behind them with a telling bang. </p><p>His former second, who Sheppard’s mind kept calling “Lewy” stood at the other end of the table, a deep from across his tired face.</p><p>Todd met his eyes, opening up the mental link between him and Sheppard just a little more so that Sheppard could hear the conversation they were about to have.<br/>“I thought you were dead,” the commander stated, letting his tone be as icy as he felt. </p><p>“As did I, you” his former, Lewy for lack of a better term, placed his hands on the table and leaned forward in what was supposed to be an intimidating stance. </p><p>Identifying him in a way Sheppard could understand and also identify would help the man get a better grasp on this exchange. Sheppard didn’t understand the way Wraith identified each other yet. </p><p>He said nothing to Lewy’s answer, most of his former crew probably believed him dead.</p><p>Lewy sighed, “What are you doing here? And do not lie, we already know you and your pet are lying to us.”</p><p>That prickled both him and Sheppard, </p><p>‘I am not a pet” Sheppard growled, fighting another emotion down before the Wraith could catch it. He felt warmth through, and a pleasant type of nausea.</p><p>“Sheppard is not a pet.” He repeated lowly, a growl in the back of his throat. </p><p>“No,” Lewy narrowed his eyes, “He’s clearly your mate as you were so clearly establishing back there. </p><p>The commander kept his face even, clam, and collected, despite the urge to snarl at the disrespect. Sheppard’s own emotions sprang up out of the depths in a blind cacophony of denial, shame and a much more straggled sense of excitement. The memory of their faces so close together was so strong that the commander could have been remembering it himself. He forced down both a mental and physical purr, keeping disinterest plain on his face for Lewy.</p><p> He withdrew, slightly, then, from Sheppard’s mind. this was not the time, nor the place for Sheppard to discover how he truly felt. </p><p>So much of what he’d inflicted on Sheppard had been under duress, very nonconsensual. And, while the commander had fed, drained, and gifted countless humans before, doing that all with this human was different. This special human deserved a say in their interactions, just as much as the Wraith himself did. Something extra than the common courtesy he tried to show his usual, innocent food. </p><p> Perhaps that was the reason why it’d taken them years to reach a point of understanding. The commander didn’t want to rush things, didn’t want to pressure him or cloud Sheppard’s head with emotions that weren’t his own. Such a thing could be confusing for humans, especially when the emotions were strong. And Todd's were, and were even stronger now that Sheppard knew him in a whole new light. </p><p>He’d considered the syllable of “Todd” something he could only assume was the Colonel’s attempt to name, to identify the Wraith, as progress towards Sheppard seeing him as something other than a monster in a cage. However stupidly simple the identification was, Todd chose not to push back but, embrace it. The last thing he wanted to do was create more ridges between him and the man, especially since Sheppard would never be able to say his real identity out loud.<br/>Now there was more progress, so much more that they’d almost kissed. </p><p>He took a couple of seconds before slipping back into Sheppard’s view. The man had calmed. </p><p>Todd flicked his eyes over Lewy, assessing his outfit, his stance, and the telepathic signals he couldn’t help but pick up, before saying evenly, “You’ve managed to regain your titles.”</p><p>“I managed to pick up the pieces you broke,” the anger was genuine, but something about this encounter was not. </p><p>Todd cocked his head, silver hair falling to the side. He drummed his clawed fingers on the table, letting out a long, slow sigh.</p><p>Sheppard frowned, confused by this change in emotion.</p><p>Lewy shifted, obviously confused as well.</p><p>“Why did you want to see me?” Todd said at long last, keeping his eyes on the slightly younger Wraith. He was testing a theory.</p><p>Lewy looked around nervously then, leaned forward and crossed his left hand over his chest, dipping slightly. A signal, one Todd knew like the back of his hand.<br/>Warmth exploded in Todd’s chest, he felt Sheppard react to it with a strange brand of confusion.</p><p>“I want to know what I can do, Commander, to get you and Colonel John Sheppard back to Atlantis.”</p><p>‘No!’ Sheppard shouted, wild panic in his voice. Todd’s body swayed with the sudden rush of emotions, and memories of Wraith ships attacking Sheppard’s home. “Don’t you dare say a word to him or I’ll have a real reason to kill you.’ and he would, Todd would understand that anger.</p><p>Todd ignored him, choosing instead to glance up at Lewy with doubtful eyes. “Atlantis and I have had no contact since I was first cast out of our Hive.” He denied it not just for Sheppard’s sake but, for the genuine fact that Lewy wasn’t trustworthy yet. </p><p>Sheppard quieted, a relaxed sigh breezing through their shared headspace. It stung Todd that his relief was so genuine. The man had actually believed Todd would betray him. They still had a very long way to go. Todd chose to open up the link further, letting Sheppard sense Lewy as much as hear him.</p><p>‘We both know that’s a lie.’ Lewy basically snarled, getting closer to Todd, “News spreads fast, we know you’re working with the New Lanteans. I’m trying to aid you.” again, he sounded genuine but, still infected with undercuts of betrayal. </p><p>“How could I possibly trust you?” Todd shot back.</p><p>“Commander,” Lewy insisted, “I’m risking my life, I would be killed for this.” He stepped back, eyeing Todd with a note of respect, “if they heard me…” He emphasized ‘heard.’ </p><p>It made Todd pause, to look through his doubt for a second. The second allowed for a realization. John got it too, cursing. This meeting was being listened to. <br/>While his immediate reaction was to get angry, he forced it down enough to be able to think about why Lewy would have chosen to reveal that. </p><p>‘It’s a warning’ Sheppard answered matter of factly, ‘to not give him any information. He’s trying to tell you something, but he can’t just say it so he’s relying on you to get the message.’</p><p>Of course. Warmth bloomed his chest again, stronger this time. On the other end, Sheppard gasped at the sensation.</p><p>‘He is on our side.’ Todd purred, then straightened with new purpose and shot Lewy a deadly look. “You already interrogated my mate; you won’t get anything else from us until we land. Now, where’s your commander, if I’m going to be tricked, I’d rather someone with a real status do the tricking.” He paused, “Unless, of course, he’s right behind the door.” He put as much force as he could into the last part.</p><p>Lewy scowled, straightening and grunting something to the door. Moments later, the Commander was in the room, followed by two drones who unlatched Todd, only to put him back in his cuffs. Outside, the Wraith remained calm, inside, he was filled with excitement and hope.</p><p>“You were supposed to get his confession.” The commander barked at Lewy. “Not be discovered.”</p><p>Lewy shook his head, “He is too smart for tricks.” He looked to Todd, their eyes meeting with the same, clear understanding. </p><p>“There is nothing to confess,” Todd breathed out, breaking eye contact in favor of sneering at the Commander. He was a weak leader; Todd could smell the incompetence on him. It brought out a deep-seated desire to dominate, to take this Hive for himself and crush the former commander’s skull in front of the crew. He could do so much better than this lousy excuse for a Wraith.</p><p>John flinched in his mind, pulling back ever so slightly. </p><p>The “Commander” stepped back under the scrutiny of Todd’s stare, baring his teeth in an attempt to threaten. It did not work.</p><p>“Take him back,” He snapped, “We will find out the truth soon enough.”</p><p>“And if you have already found it out?” Todd accused, but the commander was already gone. </p><p>Todd let the drones grab him, let him lead him back to the cell, Lewy close behind. </p><p>~</p><p>John </p><p>John rose to his feet rather quickly when he was Todd turn the corner. The commander looked pissed, a scowl plastered on his face, dark eyes looking straight ahead with rage. It was all fake. Inside, Todd was positively giddy, so much so that John was having trouble not feeling so himself. </p><p>Lewy sent the drones away before Todd was back in, He pulled the other Wraith close by the shoulder and whispered something in his ear. Todd nodded stiffly, keeping up the angry pretense.</p><p>Only once Todd was back in, and Lewy was gone, did John speak, “So he’s on our side?” </p><p>Todd nodded, thin lips pressed together, holding back a grin.</p><p>John grinned for him, “I told you we’d get out of here.”</p><p>Todd laughed, loud and self-indulgent, he went to lean against the wall where they’d been so close, “that you did.” He patted the space next to him and John felt trusting enough to join him, though about five inches away </p><p>“So what’s the plan? the Colonel asked, not bothering to move away when Todd closed their distance and they stood, nearly touching.</p><p>Todd shook his head “He’s coming back later to discuss it,” He glanced to John, eyes, and mind betraying emotions he wouldn’t, or couldn’t say.</p><p>John was having none of that after their exchange earlier. He leaned forward, touching shoulders with the commander “What’s on your mind?”</p><p>Todd purred, eyes dilating ever so slightly, “I am wondering if there are more of my old crew out there still who believe in my cause.”</p><p>“You’re wondering if you could have your old crew back,” John corrected. </p><p>Todd eyed him with the type of annoyance a guilty person shows when being discovered. John shrugged, “This new link is pretty revealing.” He blushed when he said it.</p><p>But it was true when Todd had been at that meeting, John felt as if he was there too. Every observation, every noise, everything except the sight of it, had been planned through their link. John felt every emotion along with the commander. It was helping, tremendously in navigating Todd and his mood swings.</p><p>“I do not have mood swings, Sheppard.”</p><p>John blushed, then blushed harder when he remembered the emotions went both ways. </p><p>Todd laughed again and took John's arm, pulling him gently down into a sitting position on the floor. “How do you feel?” He asked, hand tracing down the Colonel’s arm in a way that had goosebumps littering his skin.</p><p>How did he feel? Tired? No, that wasn’t the right word. But, energized didn’t feel right either. He felt…</p><p>“Spent,” He answered, “Like I just did a marathon in my head,”</p><p>“It’s the mental link, it is new for you to experience it in such a way, it will take some getting used to.”</p><p>“Can I turn it off?” he asked, quickly following up with an “N-Not that I don’t- well- it's just…” When Todd’s hand stilled and offense prickled their mind. </p><p>The commander chuckled again, then the bond retreated, slowly, like hair drip drying, until John could only hear his own thoughts, feel his own emotions. He sighed in relief, the pressure of being aware draining from him. His body slumped, totally exhausted like it’d been standing for three days straight. As he slumped, Todd guided his body down to lay John’s head across his lap again. John welcomed it, feeling sudden stress at being alone in his head. Damned if he did it, damned if he didn’t, great. </p><p>“Does it feel bad for you to break it too?”</p><p>Todd’s hands ran through John’s hair, “It does,” The tone of his voice told John that it was worse for the Wraith. Wraith were used to, born with, telepathy. It must feel like solitary confinement to him. </p><p>“Sorry…I don’t think I can handle it like you can.”</p><p>“You are a human,” He hummed lowly, lightly wrapping his fingers in the Colonel’s hair, “I did not expect you to."</p><p>John closed his eyes, trying to not moan, he wasn’t sure where this new fasciation with his hair was coming from, but he wasn’t complaining. “We should plan…”</p><p>“You should rest as much as you can before we carry out our plan, a lot has been asked of you these past few days.”</p><p>“I’m military trained,” John shot back, “I can handle a little stress.”</p><p>The Colonel knew Todd rolled his eyes.</p><p>Suddenly, John shivered, his body finally relaxed enough to notice how fucking freezing it was. </p><p>Todd noticed, “You are cold?”</p><p>“It’s like sixty in here and I’m shirtless, yeah I’m cold.” </p><p>Todd shifted, letting John’s head down gently before rising. After a few moments, a thick leather thing was placed on John's body. Todd’s cloak. He looked up, alarmed at the possibility of Todd being naked. To his - mostly- relief, the commander was clad in black pants made of a more flexible looking material and, what appeared to be a Wraith version of a muscle T. In reality, it was a tight-fitting leather tank top that did nothing to hide Todd’s well-sculpted physique. He could feel himself turning red.</p><p>John muttered a thank you, pulled up to a sitting position to put it on, then folded in on himself to hide his blushing face. It was big on him, acting like a warm thermal blanket that smelled like…something John couldn’t place, something good that had him biting his lip. He was beyond thankful that Todd couldn’t hear his thoughts, because all of them were on how close he and Todd had been to touching lips…to kissing…he swallowed, willing the idea of lips on lips and tongues on tongues away. It was an enzyme-based desire, and definitely not one that the Todd of right now would share, or that he would share tomorrow when it no longer coursed through his system. ‘All of this is enzyme based’ he reminded himself. </p><p>Todd chuckled yet again and resumed his position next to the Colonel.</p><p>“Aren’t you cold?” John asked after a while, voice shaky.</p><p>“My body adjusts to temperature a lot better than yours, Sheppard.”</p><p>“Oh…” </p><p>“Are you alright?” </p><p>“Uh-huh” no, all these emotions were too much for a man like him. He was grateful when Todd didn’t press the issue and the two simply sat in silence, thinking, waiting, and hoping.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow! Sorry, this took so long to get out. These characters just did not want me to write them (probably because John is scared of admitting he likes Todd and he knows it coming). Anyways, babbling aside, Thank you as always and I hope you enjoyed it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Escape</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The groups make their escape, but it is anything but smooth.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! I finally got a chance to work on this again (Midterms kicked my ass). Thanks for all the support so far and I hope you enjoy it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lewy came by what must have been a couple of hours later. He was alone as far as John could tell. Both he and Todd rose to greet the Wraith, Todd made his way up to the bars while John hung back a few feet, coat wrapped around himself defensively.</p><p>Lewy Bowed to Todd with his left hand, instead of right, over his chest, “Commander,”</p><p>Todd grunted, but John could feel the joy the gesture caused.</p><p>Lewy’s eyes shifted to John, scanning him with a look Wraith didn’t normally give him; indifference, like John, really was a worshiper and not the functioning General of the Atlantis Expedition. It was almost as insulting as being regarded as a meal. </p><p>He gave a little, sarcastic wave and tight, “fuck you” smile before coming up to join Todd on equal ground. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to, or even needed to, prove himself as it was that John was accustomed to being close by when major decisions were made. He wasn’t going to let these two decide on a plan without him at least listening in. </p><p>Todd didn’t react save for reaching out with his mind. John accepted the gesture, latching onto the other’s thoughts with greater ease than the last time. The familiar pressure returned, and a faint buzzing filled John’s head, Todd’s thoughts. </p><p>“Forgive me if I don’t trust you,” was Todd’s icy response.</p><p>“If we don’t trust you.” John echoed, empathizing the ‘we’</p><p>Lewy frowned, narrowing his eyes at John in suspicion. Lowly, he said “This isn’t your mate, is it.”</p><p>“No” John answered coldly, not giving up anything other than that. For once, he did blush at the word, he kept his gaze hard and straight at the Wraith, daring him to treat the human with anything less than respect. </p><p>“No, you are…John Sheppard of Atlantis?” Lewy observed a lot less defensively than moments before.</p><p>John frowned, ‘How much does he know?’</p><p>In his mind, Todd shrugged ‘News travels fast, especially if you are looking for it. For now, don’t confirm or deny his claims…just in case’</p><p>"You got it," John just shrugged, glancing at Todd. </p><p>Lewy shot Todd a look that Todd returned with his own shrug. </p><p>Lewy sighed, “I understand.” He straightened, “the Hive will land tomorrow afternoon, commander, from there they will take you to a secure chamber while you await the Primary’s call.”</p><p>“You understand, of course, that we cannot allow Sheppard or I to see her,” Todd explained.</p><p>Lewy nodded, voice lowering further, “It will not be easy, her officers will be escorting you and the human to prevent any Kaasaleja from helping you. His eyes darted around, “The commander suspects all, what with the news of you being found.”</p><p>He didn’t say “Your attack,” insinuating that the Primary visit wasn’t to find out if Todd was guilty but, to win this ship's Commander her favor for bringing her Todd’s head. </p><p>‘Exactly,’ Todd hissed, ‘I told you I was hated.’ To Lewy, he said, “Then we must escape before you and I are separated. Is this based on a planet habitual to life?”<br/>Lewy nodded, “May worshiper communities live surrounding it.”</p><p>John shuttered at that, then jumped slightly when he felt Todd’s hand brush his shoulder. The Wraith did not pull back through, and John let him rest his feeding hand there, thumb brushing the covered skin. It was oddly comforting and oddly affectionate. </p><p>“And is there some kind of forest for cover?” Todd asked hopefully.</p><p>Lewy nodded yet again, “a forest covers most of the planet save for streams and lakes. It will provide cover for the many days it will take us to reach the gate.” </p><p>It was Todd’s turn to frown, “Can you not pick us up in a dart?”</p><p>Lewy shook his head, “The gate is many miles away so that Worshipers are not tempted. If I was to take a dart, I would be caught. No, I will gather supplies and meet you near the first village, from there we will travel to the gate on foot.”</p><p>Todd looked displeased but, he didn’t press the issue. Neither did John, he didn’t have enough knowledge of the base to counter any of Lewy’s points.</p><p>“Weapons?” Todd asked. </p><p>Lewy reached into his marron coat’s main pocket and pulled out two small, black rods with sharp points on either end, “close contact stunner’s.”</p><p>He took in a clawed hand and handed one to John, eyes twinkling “We will be doing this the old-fashioned way after all.” </p><p>“Hey, as long as you don’t feed on me mid-battle, I’m all in.” John returned the look with a grin, turning the device over in his palm.</p><p>Todd laughed, a hearty sound and squeezed John shoulder lightly, “I’ll have to settle for right before,”</p><p>John chuckled, but inside he was fighting back the memories of last time. </p><p>Thankfully, Lewy, all frowns at their joking, interrupted by sharply clearing his throat, “Try and do it quietly, put as much distance between you and the base before they notice.</p><p>“Of course,” Todd’s hand fell away from John's shoulder. A whirlwind of emotions crossed over their shared mind. John picked up that Todd didn’t know what to say next, what to do next. Should he dismiss Lewy, or return their sign? He felt unsure, anxious about whether he was opening himself up to failure. In the end, he simply waved his left hand vaguely.</p><p>“Thank you,” He said roughly, John felt him slink back into the dark recesses of his mind and the colonel resisted the urge to follow. </p><p>Lewy was about to leave when John’s stomach did a nauseous flip, rumbling loud enough for both Wraith with their supersonic hearing, to detect. </p><p>“Fuck,” he clung his stomach, “Do you have any people food on this hunk of rock?” It’d been at least two days since John had eaten anything other than a power bar.</p><p>Lewy scowled in displeasure, “The Hive is not a “hunk of rock.”</p><p>“Hunk of life then,”</p><p>Todd shot Lewy a look that translated to something like, “He’s not going to apologize,” in his mind.</p><p>‘Damn right I’m not.’</p><p>Lewy sighed, obviously tempted to put the Colonel in his place but, under obligation to follow his commander’s orders, “We have a couple of Worshippers on board, I will have one of them bring you something to eat.” With that, he was gone, leaving John with a new nauseous feeling. </p><p>There were other humans here? Real Worshipers, who actually revered the Wraith? Loved them? It made him sick to think about the humans he couldn’t save, the lives he had to leave behind in this sickly place where the light didn’t touch. </p><p>Todd cocked his head, “You do not like the idea of other humans here?”</p><p>“Do I like the idea of people so addicted to Wraith juice that they’ll become slaves? Nah, not really.” He went over to the wall and slid down it into a sitting position, drawing his knees to his chest and crossing his arms over them. </p><p>“You speak as though…” Todd trailed off, but the sentence finished in his head ‘as though you do not enjoy it yourself.’</p><p>“That’s different, I’m not addicted.” He shot back. </p><p>“But can you blame them for becoming so when you know what it is like, and when you know we must feed?” Remember what I said, Sheppard,” He came to join John on the ground, settling in close to the Colonel, “you curse the Wraith for taking your life, we curse not being allowed to have it all. All creatures must feed, Sheppard, Wraith are no different.”</p><p>John shuttered, drawing himself closer. He remembered the first Wraith Queen he’d ever encountered saying something similar, right before she tried to feed on him. He rubbed his palms together anxiously before wrapping his arms around himself, “Would you, if you could, take it all?”</p><p>Todd turned to look at him, dragging his gaze up and down John’s body like it was a buffet, and it was a buffet to him. “In the past, John Sheppard, I have done what I need to survive.” He shifted his body so that he could easily face John. “But the worshipers on my Hives have always been treated with respect, modeled after my own wishes of peace between our species.”</p><p>“They’re still slaves, they don’t know what they’re really doing.”</p><p>Todd tutted, leaning back slightly, “One day, perhaps, you will understand.”</p><p>“Yeah…” John trailed off, not really in the mood to get philosophical about the implications of slavery with a species that definitely couldn’t ever see it from John’s perspective. He changed the topic instead, “Do you think it’ll actually work? The escape?” </p><p>Todd’s straightened, leaning forward again, “I believe we can make it work, as we have before.”</p><p>“Me too,” He smiled lightly, “I’m not going to die by one of you guys, Rodney would never let that go.”</p><p>Todd returned the smile, sharp teeth glinting in the little light there was.  Inside him was a familiar buzz of excitement and apprehension. It had grown in intensity since he first met with Lewy and grown into more anxiety than joy since. The Wraith was worried about something, and it was bothering him immensely John decided to reach out.</p><p>“You’re worried about something.” </p><p>Todd sighed like he was hoping John hadn’t noticed. He growled at nothing in particular and leaned his sliver-clad head against the wall, “This could go wrong.”</p><p>“Things can always go wrong; we just have to make them go right again.”</p><p>“No, I mean with my second, it could be a trap.”</p><p>John was once again caught in a wave of understanding; Todd was worried about being left behind again like he had been countless times. Like he had been with Koyla, like he had been ten thousand years ago. And John understood a little bit more why the Wraith had just wanted to give up; there was no betrayal if you didn’t trust. </p><p>‘It could be,” John chose his next word’s as carefully as he could, “But…it could also not be, and if you don’t try, if we don’t try, then we’re going to die in the next couple days and you’ll never know whether you could have lived or not.”</p><p>“I…” Todd paused, mind shrinking back into privacy, “Have you ever been betrayed?”</p><p>John snorted, resisting the urge to tell Todd that his job almost guaranteed it, because that wasn’t the kind of betrayal Todd was talking about. He tried to guard his mind, to keep Todd from seeing not just his ex-wife Nancy but, his emotions around his Court Marshall. He couldn’t, he didn’t have the necessary skill set to draw back like the Wraith could, and it all spilled forward as vivid as if he’d said it out loud. </p><p>“Ah,” Todd nodded sympathetically, eyes shining with understanding and pity, “then you understand.”</p><p>John bit his lip, looking away from Todd completely, “Yeah, it’s hard to trust again or whatever.” He felt bitter that the first time he’d shared the experience was against his will, and in such a private medium. How did Wraith deal with being in each other's heads like that all the time? Having everything on display sucked. </p><p>Todd’s hand went back to John’s shoulder, giving it another light squeeze, “I am tired of being betrayed, I don’t wish to go through it again.”</p><p>The Colonel forced himself to turn back and look at the Wraith, he forced himself to make eye contact despite how barraged with both his own emotions and Todd’s he felt. And he felt, he felt sick and tired, and like he wanted to break down and cry. </p><p>Todd stared back at him, waiting patiently for him to speak. </p><p>John didn’t want to say anything else until he’d spent a little while piecing his head back together and thought of a good way to refute a very valid point. What he’d been through was bad, yes. His wife had left him because of his career, his military had Court Marshaled him for a failure that had already nearly torn him to shreds with guilt. However, it was still nothing like Todd’s pain, Todd’s was thousands of years of unimaginable loneliness, despair, and betrayal. John had friends, had reliable teammates who he’d bet his own life on their loyalty not just to him but, the expedition’s cause itself. Todd pretty much had no one despite warry Atlantis allies and a crew that had ended up stabbing him in the back despite everything he’d done and been through. What the hell was John supposed to say to that to convince him that things didn’t always suck? For Todd, they did.</p><p>And he just felt so damn awful, so overwhelmed. It was difficult to separate whose awful feelings he was feeling. Was the wrench in his gut from Todd’s experience with Koyla? Or was it from when Nancy had laid divorce paper’s down and left without a word?  </p><p>“Jesus…I…” he started but trailed off when he realized there was nothing to complete that sentence. </p><p>Todd’s mind held fast, eyes shining with patient understanding. </p><p>Then there was a knock on the cell door.</p><p>John looked up to face a human female, standing on the other side of the bars, holding a bowl and a utensil. She was young-looking with long, brown hair that hung past her waist. Her skin was pale, probably from lack of sunlight and, she looked thinner than she should be. Her clothes, a maroon shirt, and matching pants that ended below her knees hugged her in an odd way that suggested she used to fit them better. This must be the worshiper. </p><p>He rose, approaching her slowly, “Uh…hi.” His voice sounded strangled like he’d been crying.</p><p>She stared at him for a couple of seconds, stared like she was staring straight through him. Finally, she remembered the bowl and quickly ducked to slide it under one of the door’s cracks. When she rose, she looked even more uncomfortable than before.</p><p>“Thanks,” John said in an attempt to connect, but her vacant stare didn’t alter except to shift to Todd.</p><p>Todd looked up at her, and she gasped when they made eye contact, stepping back a foot or so like he’d jump out and grab her. </p><p>He gave her a lazy wave, “Thank you, did you make that yourself?” There was no evidence in his multitoned voice that he’d just been upset.</p><p>She frowned, obviously confused by his mild tone. Then she glanced to John and down at the meal. “I uh…I-I gotta take that back when y-you’re done…”</p><p>John felt heat rise to his cheeks. He felt embarrassed for no reason at all and he quickly sat down to eat. The food was some kind of soup, still so hot that it steamed. John’s stomach growled at the spice-filled scent, then growled again when his spoon picked up a large chunk of white meat. He raised it to his lips and shoved it in like he hadn’t eaten in days, which he hadn’t It was delicious. The meat was soft, like fall apart in his mouth soft, and tasted like some kind of chicken. The brown broth was thick like a stew, filled with spices and root vegetables that added extra padding. Soon the bowl was empty and licked clean, leaving him craving more. <br/>“That was delicious, thank you…what’s your name?” He asked, sliding it under the door.</p><p>“Mar'ray” She answered softly, taking it back, her eyes were still on Todd, but they seemed to be a little less vacant. <br/>“John,” He answered warmly, smiling.</p><p>She flinched, backed away slightly. If John hadn’t been watching closely, he would have missed the light that bloomed behind her eyes, if only for a second, before she turned tail and sped walked away. What the hell had happened to her?</p><p>‘Probably what happens to all of them His own voice answered solemnly. Judging by the girl’s appearance, demeanor, and overall wariness of Todd’s presence, even behind bars, John guessed that the Worshipers here were treated pretty badly. They probably had no one to…no one except for other drugged-out junkies held in place by Wraith overlords. John glanced back at Todd, remembering when he’d first seen him, bent, broken, and fearful, in that cage. Another reminder that some wounds, some individuals, were not so easily healed. </p><p>Something about Marray was sticking with him, that light when he’d shown her affection, something she probably didn’t get very often being on this ship…He scanned Todd, whose eyes were closed, body leaning tiredly on the wall. He recalled how touchy the Wraith was becoming lately, how he tended to sit closer to the Colonel, playing with his hair and such. It had started around the time John had said they were friends…</p><p>He had either a brilliant or a brilliantly stupid idea. He went over and sat close to Todd, close enough to touch. Then, very gently, he reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. Todd’s eyes flicked open, they drew from the touch to John’s face with openness, hopefulness.</p><p>John bit his lip, he took a deep breath. Friendship was what had saved him from his dark place. Coming to Atlantis and gaining his team had restored his pride, his titles, and most importantly, his happiness. Maybe the same could be true for Todd, maybe he didn’t have to be so worried about Lewy if he knew for sure that he wasn’t alone. </p><p>“You uh…you have me,” He said quietly, still trying to decide if this was the best course of action. “Look…betrayal sucks, and I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you, I’m pretty sure no one could.”</p><p>Todd cocked his head, intrigued. </p><p>“But I know that lots of humans spend a lot of their lives trying to find people who stick, it's hard especially when you don’t live that long…” He forced himself to look Todd in the eyes, “What I’m saying is…ya got me, and I know I’m not a crew and a Hive, but I’m not leaving you for dead like the rest of them. If this goes south, we’ll get out together. Like before.”</p><p>Todd was silent, scrutinizing eyes bored holes into John’s very soul. He was absolutely still for what seemed like ages, and John got a sinking feeling that he was about to get eaten for his audacity. </p><p>Expect Todd didn’t do that. Instead, a very loud purr reverberated around the cell, almost vibrating the very ground they sat on. Todd chuckled to himself, amplifying the noise, and he ducked his head down to rest on John's shoulder. </p><p>“John Sheppard, you are by far the most interesting human I’ve ever met,” He pulled John closer with a clawed hand, still purring like a fucking cat. </p><p>John returned the gesture, somewhat uncomfortably, by wrapping his arm around Todd from behind. His heart was beating in his chest from the aftermath of the risky move, only accelerated by Todd’s sheer closeness. What was worse was that he’d genuinely meant every word of it. Something in John's mind, something he’d buried far, far beneath the surface, was screaming to emerge, and John really didn’t feel ready for that to happen.</p><p>~</p><p>One meal and one day later, Lewy came to tell them the ship was landing and to prepare. John wasn’t filled with dread this time when Todd told him he was going to feed. The warmth he felt for the other male also came with trust. </p><p>“What’s it going to do to our minds?” he asked, standing against the wall again for support. He undid Todd’s coat, pulling it open aside to reveal the scars. They’d already healed from the last time. </p><p>Todd shrugged, “We’ll have to see.” He came up, wrapping his hand around the back of John’s head to keep it straight while John covered his mouth with one hand and snaked an arm around Todd’s waist with the other. He felt hot with anticipation and red with embarrassment at being hot.</p><p>“Am I going to get addicted to this?” He murmured as Todd lined his feeding hand up with the feeding scar.</p><p>“No,” Todd smirked slightly, “I won’t require this nearly as much once we are free.”</p><p>“Goo-aHFUCHMEH!” He groaned, Todd started unannounced.</p><p>Todd chuckled in his ear as he drew, “Sorry, I did not have the restraint to wait.” </p><p>“Yyh,” John breathed in deep, feeling his body shrink from false age, “Y-ysu’re…just an…ashhole.” his voice was muffled, but the bit was still there. </p><p>“Hmm” </p><p>It was all over quickly, leaving John feeling on top of the world, ready for action. Energy coursed through him despite the lull in his sharper emotions. He’d be lying if he said the return wasn’t still one of the best things he’d ever experienced. It worried him a little, but he trusted Todd not to take advantage of it. </p><p>“Goddamn, I think you’re going to have to go hungry for a week because I’m not so sure that I’m that far away from needing that.” He was in the middle of closing up the cloak when he decided that it was going to be way too bulky to run in. He undid it and handed it back to the Wraith. </p><p>Todd nodded his agreement, eyes scanning over John’s naked chest before he took back his clothing. The Colonel did his best not to eye Todd’s bear arms one more time before they were shrouded in black again, he failed. </p><p>The ground beneath them sifted, signaling they’d landed. </p><p>“Good timing,” John breathed in deeply, checking his pants pocket to make sure his close-range stunner was still there.</p><p>“You remember the plan correctly?” Todd questioned.</p><p>“Course, I didn’t get to be a Lieutenant Colonel for nothing.”</p><p>“One of these days,” Todd said lowly, “I will ask you what that means.”</p><p>John snicked, mostly out of nervousness and apprehension. He felt Todd’s mind curl around his and he accepted it openly, pulling the Wraith in a mental embrace.<br/>They heard footsteps.</p><p>‘Sounds like four of them.’ John overserved.</p><p>‘Yes, an officer and three drones.’</p><p>‘Easier than Koyla’</p><p>‘Mmm, Think of two men in every one Wraith.’ Todd said solemnly </p><p>‘Please, this isn’t my first rodeo’</p><p>Todd’s laugh, as nervous as his body language, rang in John’s mind, ‘another word that evades my knowledge.’ He jerked his head up when a Wraith officer neither male had seen before arrived in front of their cell along with three drones, just as Todd had promised. Clearly, this new hive had underestimated the pair.<br/>The Wraith officer snarled at Todd, giving him the same traitor greeting Hewy Dewy and Lewy had extended. A fantasy of Todd ripping the Wraith’s throat out, played across their shared mind in vivid detail. </p><p>The cell door opened; John shifted his stance. He gripped the stunner in his pocket. </p><p>Lewy had told them about an exit to the right of their cell where an in-cahoots Wraith officer would meet them to let them out. It was a little way off but, with the long-range stunners they were about to acquire, it wouldn’t be too hard. It would be easier with something like Ronan’s fancy gun, but some things just couldn’t be. <br/>The drones came at them first. Their hands were occupied with alien handcuffs so, when Todd grabbed one from behind and shoved his stunner into it, the other’s reaction time was delayed by having to draw their weapons.</p><p>John took on the one closest to him, ducking a shot from the officer’s stunner by rolling to the ground. he grabbed the drone’s feet, knocking him off balance and flinging him to the ground in one smooth motion. He jammed his weapon into his side, then rolled to avoid another shot. He scrambled for the long-range stunner, then fired at the retreating officer, the coward. </p><p>He missed, but it didn’t matter because Todd, having incapacitated the other drone with his superhuman strength and reflexes, dashed off in the officer’s direction, long-range stunner in hand. John followed quickly after. He watched as Todd practically jumped onto the other Wraith, mercilessly shooting him in the side during the process. For extra spite, and strength, He slammed his feeding hand down and drained the officer just as he had with Koyla’s men. </p><p>John didn’t look away this time, he also found pleasure in watching the Wraith shrivel up under Todd’s grasp.</p><p>When Todd raised, there was a set determinism in his eyes, “Let’s go.”</p><p>"Aye-Aye, Captain."</p><p>They took off, both running with the lightness of trained soldiers. Before long, footsteps could be heard and they both took their places hiding behind corners, hiding, prepping to shoot.</p><p>All was silent, John slowed his breathing to almost a standstill, waiting for that flash of movement that indicated a target. In their mind, John discovered that if he focused on Todd, he could see the other male’s point of view as if it were his own. He narrowed his focus, settling in on the other male’s perspective, just in time to see something move out of the corner of Todd’s eyes</p><p>‘From behind!’ </p><p>Todd whipped around, shooting at two approaching Drones and sliding across the floor to doge their own bursts of light. John covered him, leaping out in time to hit another two that were racing toward the commotion. They all went down, though John’s hair was singed from a narrow miss. </p><p>‘We make a pretty good team, Todd.’ </p><p>‘Indeed, Sheppard.’</p><p>They hurried on, quicker than before, there was no telling how many Wraith knew of their escape by now, and they weren’t keen on sticking around to find out.</p><p>~</p><p>The exit spot was in sight, it was a small, secret escape-looking thing that looked as if it would need a Wraith mind to access it. The promised officer wasn’t there. John’s stomach sunk, dreading as he realized that Todd wouldn’t be able to open it. Todd felt the same way too, anger bubbling in him until it clouded both of their concentrations.</p><p>“He betrayed us,” The Wraith snarled, “I should have-“</p><p>Lewy turned the corner hard, running up to them, “They took my officer in for questioning!” He looked panicked, “We have to leave right now, if I stay, I will be caught.” He had with him a small bag that looked like it probably didn’t have near what they needed in it.</p><p>“Fuck” John cursed.</p><p>Todd growled in frustration, but the relief coursing through him was louder than John's own, “We will have to make do.”</p><p>Lewy nodded gravely, annoyance and dread seeped into his very being, the door opened. </p><p>The first thing John noticed is that it was bright, extremely bright to the point where he had to shield his eyes to be able to see. And it was warm, a rush of warm air coursed over him, leaving goosebumps all along his shivering skin. The second thing was that they were way too high up in the air for John to survive a jump. He didn’t have much time to think about that though, because Todd scooped him up bridal style, said “Hold on” Then unceremoniously leaped from the ship and into the open air. </p><p>They landed hard, John was knocked from Todd’s grasp and sent rolling down a steep hill that was covered in a blue-green grass-like substance that was rough on his skin. </p><p>He heard Todd shout, curse, and then the pounding of large feet running down the hill.</p><p>He slammed side first into a large, sharp rock. It caught him enough for him to grab onto it, but not before ripping a painful gash from his hip to his belly button. He bit back a scream, eyes misting at the excruciating pain.  </p><p>No time for that. Gritting his teeth, he pressed his hand against it to try and stop the bleeding and staggered to his feet, ignoring how the shift in motion tinged his vision with black. He couldn’t faint now, if he fainted, they’d be dead. Through blurred vision, saw Todd and Lewy running, practically leaping to him. Todd had his arms out, ready to pick John up again. The Wraith grabbed him in one swift motion, using his momentum to leap down the hill, gaining more distance in a shorter amount of time. The shift hurt worse than the first, but John didn’t make a sound, biting down on his bottom lip so hard that it also drew blood.</p><p>“H-How far away…” He panted, pressing his hand harder against the oozing wound.</p><p>“It is not too far; we will make it before the darts launch” </p><p>Todd lept again, jostling John and his wound. The Colonel tried to focus on something other than the pain, but it was almost impossible, even with his strong connection to Todd, to think of anything else. </p><p>‘We are almost there, Sheppard, try not to make any noise.’</p><p>‘Uhuh…’ He was starting to see black again and had to force himself to stay awake. He gripped onto Todd with all his remaining strength.</p><p>Todd’s paced slowed, the decrease in jostling allowed John to focus enough to be able to see out, albeit hazily, out of his eyes. They were almost at a large looking village with houses made of wood and stone, it was gated in stone. All around them was the strange blue-green grass, and large, pitch-black trees with huge branches that towered over the village, shading it from the sun. Todd veered left, heading for the forest line. It was close now, soon they’d be under the cover of the trees…soon they’d be to safety. He groaned, shuttering from the blood loss. His vision blurred and back spots danced across the little vision he had.</p><p>Someone whispered, ‘Stay with me…’ and it was the last thing he heard before he passed out. </p><p>~</p><p>Todd</p><p>His boots pounded against alien grass, his arms gripped his fragile human tightly, panic rising in him at the sight, smell, and feel of all that blood. </p><p>‘Stay with me…’ He begged. His vision was cloudy, his mind narrowly focused on getting Sheppard to safety, on keeping Sheppard alive.</p><p>He and Lewy dashed into the cover of the forest, the thick branches and widespread leaves blocked out the light, his eyes dilated to see the path ahead. They couldn’t stop now, they shouldn’t stop now, not so close to the enemy hive. Sheppard went limp in his arms and he slammed to a screeching halt at the base of a tree with sprawling black roots. They were only meters from the forest line, but he had to do it now or risk Sheppard dying. It wasn’t guaranteed that his body would respond to the Gift as well as it had the first time he died, not since he’d been fed on so many times, so Todd couldn’t risk it.</p><p>“What are you doing?!” Lewy yelled when Todd laid Sheppard down long the roots and drew back his feeding hand.</p><p>“I’m losing him!” He shouted back.</p><p>A hand closed around his own and yanked him back, away from Sheppard’s dying body.</p><p>“Are you insane?” Lewy hissed, grip tightening on Todd’s arm, “There is no time!</p><p>Todd growled, yanking his arm wildly to throw the other off. Lewy hit the ground hard, but he sprang up and was barreling at the older Wraith again.</p><p>“Stay back!” Todd roared with all the force he could muster.</p><p>“Why do you care so much for a human that is not your mate? It is your life you should be concerned with!”</p><p>Todd’s eyes flashed, he snarled, “You do not know what you speak of.” He raised his feeding hand threateningly, straightening to his full height in a power stance.</p><p>Lewy eyed him angrily, his eyes darting to the bleeding man, then back to Todd. He hadn’t quite gotten it yet. He didn't understand how much the Wraith ached for his human, how he would give up everything to save him.</p><p>Todd snarled again, “if you lay a hand on me again I will use your life force to fuel him.” He spat.</p><p>Lewy growled in response, but he took a step back at the threat in a clear cessation.</p><p>The older Wraith snarled one more time for good measure then turned back to Sheppard. The man was pale, a pool of his own red blood coated the grass around him. The wound was deep, but it could still be healed, if only somewhat Todd placed his hand on the male’s chest, choosing a new point in which to give the gift. He pushed, he threw, he let it all spill out of him with a gasp. He watched with worried eyes as the color returned to Sheppard, how his wound closed almost as quickly as it had been made. It didn’t close all the way through, only enough to stop the bleeding. There was still a nasty opening that would require time to heal. They didn’t have the time, but Todd feared that if he did more, it would overwhelm the human’s system. </p><p>Sheppard remained unconscious, his body and mind, despite the Gift, had been through too much recently. He’d been injured, fed on, and gifted too much for one human in the past week for him to come out of it the same. It was going to take a little bit for his body to recover from the shock. And Todd was willing to carry him through it until the end.</p><p>Despite the circumstances, Sheppard looked beautiful lying there, face healed of all worry and settled into a neutral, peaceful expression. His rosy lips were full and soft, his skin glowing with revitalization. Todd lost all sense of the moment in Sheppard’s light and he trailed a singular claw down the man’s gentle skin. Lovingly, reverently…</p><p>“Commander!” Lewy snapped, grabbing his arm again, “we need to go!”</p><p>Todd hissed, startled back to reality by the contact, but nodded nonetheless and hulled Sheppard back into his arms. They took off into the real cover of the thick forest ahead.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Aching</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The group stops to rest and feelings are finally laid out.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! This Chapter was originally supposed to be a lot longer but I decided to split it in two since I'm not totally sure about the second part yet. I wanted to get something out though so this is kind of part 1? Not really but that's how I'm looking at it. Enjoy! and thank you for the comments and Kudos!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were forced to stop after several hours because the forest was growing too dark for even their eyes to see appropriately. It was the cursed human in them that gave them all the setback that, free of, would elevate them to the status of gods. They might have kept going anyways if Sheppard wasn’t at risk of bleeding heavily again from all the movement. </p><p>They found shelter in a hollowed-out tree that had to be at least five meters in diameter. Worshiper made most likely. Todd spent what little light they had left gathering blue-green leaves, some almost the size of his torso, to make Sheppard some sort of bed. He piled them, one on top of the other, only stopping when there were no more large leaves to be easily found. In the end, the pile was a few inches thick. He wrapped the man in his coat for extra warmth and left him in the tree to confer with his old and, hopefully, new Second.</p><p>Lewy had dragged a tree log over for them to sit on, he was laying out the contents of his small bag. There wasn’t much; two extra stunners, a couple of waterproof pouches for a drink- another one of those pesky human setbacks was the need for water. There were supplies to start a fire, though they couldn’t do that without being discovered- and an extra knife. There were also a few bulbs that would glow to give them light. What concerned Todd most was the absence of any type of human sustenance. Sheppard was hungry every day, his body needed to eat regularly, or his recovery would be longer, and harder to get through despite anything Todd could do. </p><p>He growled to get Lewy’s attention. The Wraith rose hastily, eyeing Todd with a confused type of loyalty. </p><p>“The knife,” Todd ordered. It was in his hands in seconds. He grunted at Lewy, “are there any small animals on this planet? Or fruit besides what the Worshipers grow and raise?”</p><p>Lewy scowled, obviously displeased at the idea of either one of them going to get food for Sheppard “That human, he means a lot to you, does he not?”</p><p>Todd’s upper lip curled back in annoyance, “That is none of your concern.”</p><p>“I think it is,” Lewy insisted, rising to meet Todd’s eyes, though he was several inches shorter than the Commander. “Respectfully, Commander, you almost killed us.”</p><p>“Sheppard would have died; I will not let that happen.” His muscles were all tense, his patience for this nosy Wraith was wearing thin enough that it was starting to not matter that he hadn’t betrayed them. </p><p>Lewy looked him up and down, equally as annoyed, and lowered himself onto the log again, “Commander, why is John Sheppard of Atlantis special to you?”</p><p>“It is none of your-“</p><p>“From a former friend, Commander, you know that getting close to a Lantean is a dangerous idea. They could be constructing another-“</p><p>“The new Lanten’s need us as much as we need them,” He snapped back, forcing down the primal urge to strike. He hated being questioned by anyone, but most of all his own crew. Questioning leads to discovering which leads to betrayal and pain. </p><p>Lewy craned his head back to look his commander in the eyes, “I know just as much as you the pain of betrayal. But you cling to the past while we live ten thousand years in the future.”</p><p>Todd’s blood boiled, it took everything in him not to strangle the Wraith there and then. And, he might have if he hadn’t heard stirring. His head snapped to the tree, he growled and shoved the knife into Lewy’s hands, exchanging it for a blub which glowed when he made contact, “Go find something for him to eat. that is an order, officer.” With that, he hurried his way into the tree where Sheppard was trying to sit up.</p><p>The man groaned in pain, running his smaller hand down to his covered stomach, hissing at the pain of touching it. Todd couldn’t begin to explain the wave of relief that washed over him at seeing the human alive and well. It was like a dam had broken in his mind, washing all his anxiety and fear away and leaving him only with the desire to embrace him and never let go.</p><p>But that would make things worse right now, physically and mentally. </p><p>“It will scar,” he said quietly as not to startle the human, “and it is not all the way healed, I was not able to restore you like I wished to.” He handed John a water pouch, which the man took and drank from greedily. </p><p>John looked up at him, eyes dazed from pain and exhaustion, he shook his head slightly, “We…got away?” </p><p>“We got away,” Todd came to sit next to him on the ground, he eyed the spot where the gash was. </p><p>“Good…”</p><p>“Yes…may I?” He gestured to Sheppard’s covered wound then set down the blub near the spot. </p><p>Sheppard nodded, reaching down to undo the coat himself but Todd’s hands caught his, pulling them away gently, “Let me.”</p><p>The man flushed, aware enough to react to Todd’s touch in the sweet way that he had started to recently.</p><p>Todd’s clawed fingers gently undid his coat, pulling it aside to reveal the nasty gash. It was still bleeding, though much slower, and Todd could see now that it was a lot deeper than he’d thought. He ran his fingers around it, feeling for the raised, puffy red of infection and praying that it wasn’t there. Sheppard winced at the friction.</p><p>“How bad…is it?”</p><p>“It’s bad,” Todd answered honestly, “But it will heal.”</p><p>“We don’t have the time for it to heal.” He snapped out of frustration, not anger.</p><p>“No, But I can speed up the process.” He brought his feeding hand back up, cradled it in his left hand.</p><p>“The gift?” Sheppard questioned, eyes lighting up at the prospect. Sheppard would need to avoid it for several weeks now, or risk becoming addicted.</p><p>“Not exactly…” Todd rubbed his fingers around the edges of his feeding organ, awakening it unnaturally.</p><p>John frowned deeply, “what are you doing?”</p><p>“Producing my enzyme artificially,” He ran his fingertips against the opening, shuttering at the strange sensation. “The enzyme is a natural accelerant. In our own bodies, it helps with healing our damage quickly. It can be applied to human wounds to cut the healing time down from weeks to days.” He bit his lip when wetness started to appear.</p><p>John stared at the opening as well, “You’re…putting that on me?”</p><p>“I am,” Todd let himself think about how much he wished Sheppard was helping him with the process. His feeding organ was a sensitive, erogenous zone, feeling it was…pleasant, pleasanter still with a partner. He shuttered again, forcing back a purr. arousal crept into his body like a steady stream. Soon his hand was slick with the light-blue-tinged enzyme.</p><p>He swept his left hand through it, ignoring the way his body reacted with another shutter, “May I?”</p><p>Sheppard blushed again, eyes glued to the stuff, “Uh…yeah…”</p><p>Todd let his gaze trail down Sheppard’s abdominal muscles, allowing himself one indulgence that, hopefully, wouldn’t be too obvious to the pain and exhaustion drugged human. He took in the hard muscle of his pectorals, the shapely nature of his abdomen. The Colonel, whatever that meant, took care of himself. Of course, Todd had known that from the beginning when the human had survived the night in Koyla’s prison. Only someone strong and capable could do that. Still, the past couple days had given the Wraith a new opportunity to see just what the human looked like under all that cloth, it didn’t disappoint. </p><p>John cleared his throat, looking up at Todd through his long eyelashes with impatient eyes, “In pain here.” </p><p>Todd chose to answer that with a coy smile. He settled his left hand on the wound and lightly trialed a generous amount onto the Colonel’s marred flesh. Under him, John filched, he hissed out, eyes screwing shut. </p><p>“Ow, fuck you, Todd.”</p><p>Todd chuckled, not knowing what “fuck” meant, but getting the idea nonetheless. He went back for more, once again running his hand over Sheppard. “Would you rather be incapacitated?” </p><p>John glared at him jokingly, something in him shifting when the two locked eyes. Todd’s dilated both from the dark and his arousal, settled softly on Sheppard’s shining ones. Todd’s hand lay flat on the Colonel’s smooth, warm skin. It was taunt from effort and flushed from strain. He could sense Sheppard’s accelerated heartbeat; he could feel the man’s anticipation in his blood. His gaze fell to John’s lips, puffy, soft, and inviting. He found himself leaning forward again, the man’s name forming on his lips once more…</p><p>“I-Is Lewy still with us?” John sputtered out, shattering the moment. Todd drew back quickly, nodding as he went.</p><p>“T-That’s good…” John groaned again, “so you have yourself a Second again?”</p><p>Todd couldn’t stop his purr, as embarrassing as it was, “I do, it seems you were right.”</p><p>“Uh-Ow, about what?”</p><p>“Taking risks, finding things out for yourself.”</p><p>John chuckled fondly as Todd smeared the last layer on, “You mean I bested you at wisdom?”</p><p>“Ah,” Todd’s eyes twinkled with affection, “do not get ahead of yourself, Sheppard.”</p><p>“Too late,” John joked, yawning halfway through the sentence. </p><p>“You should rest, we still have several hours until daybreak.” </p><p>John nodded and wrapped the coat back around himself. He settled back against his bed with a sigh. </p><p>Todd hummed lightly, wiping his left hand off on his pant leg before running it through Sheppard’s hair. Todd had been surprised when he first touched it, just how soft it was despite its spikey appearance. The follicles bent to his will, making way for his long fingers to intertwine in the locks. Sheppard let out something of a moan, his bent into the touch in an obvious plea for more. </p><p>Todd obliged, staying like that until he heard the Colonel’s breathing even out, his body going lax and perfectly still. Despite the peaceful moment, Todd’s heart still felt like it wanted to rip out of his chest. The Colonel wasn’t going to be able to walk tomorrow, not without splitting his wound in two again. Even carrying him was bound to be risky, and they couldn’t afford another stop.</p><p>His ear’s pricked when he heard rustling, Lewy’s heavy boots crunched across dry leaves with commanding power. Todd straightened, preparing for an argument. </p><p>Lewy came into the tree with an arm full of fruit and unceremoniously dumped it at Todd’s feet. “He is alive?” </p><p>“He is.” Todd tucked his enzyme coated hand behind his back, and stilled his stroking hand, leaving it in Sheppard’s hair. </p><p>Lewy eyed him suspiciously, “Is he fit to travel at daybreak?”</p><p>Ah, a complicated question. The short answer was no, the long one was that they’d be dead if Todd said no. </p><p>“I do not think so unless we can find a way to close his wound.”</p><p>Lewy scowled; his greenish-yellow eyes flashed in the low light. “He will have to be ready either way, we cannot stay here. </p><p>“I know that.” Todd retorted, sensory pits flaring in frustration. </p><p>The Wraith gazed down at him for a long while before his eyes fell to a sleeping Sheppard “Is he important to them? The Lanteans?”</p><p>Todd frowned. He was unsure whether he should answer that honestly or not. There was still hesitation in him about trusting this Wraith. Lewy had helped them, but how long would it last? Was he taking them to the stargate so he could take them to their death? He looked back down at Sheppard, “He’s important to me.” </p><p>Lewy folded his arms, staring down at the human with an intense sneer. Lewy had never approved of Human-Wraith Relationships beyond that of Worship. It was the only point of contention they’d ever had, the only disagreement. Todd’s past human partners had learned to steer clear of the Wraith with a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. “Commander…are you compromised?” It was blunt, blatant, and entirely and completely true.</p><p>Todd let out his own long breath, glancing down to make sure Sheppard showed no signs of wake before he answered, “Utterly…” it was risky, but Todd didn’t make it a habit to lie to his officers. </p><p>Lewy’s eye twitched, anger boiled in him and hung around him so thickly that Todd could almost see it. He managed to keep his composure sitting up straight and trying not to snarl, “So you’re in love with him, why.”</p><p>It wasn’t a question, it was a demand, not from Second to Commander but, from Hive brother to Hive brother. </p><p>Todd raised a finger to his lips, adopting a threatening stare “He showed me respect when he could have killed me, he honored a deal we made to spare each other’s lives.” He started to stroke again, and Sheppard whined in his sleep.</p><p>Lewy’s eyes narrowed, his frown turned to a sneer that felt more like it was directed at himself than at Todd, “Fine, then you should find a way to close that wound.”</p><p>“I already have an idea,” He ran his hand down Sheppard’s arm one last time before standing to retrieve what he needed to sew him back up.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Things Fall Apart Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things get hot in several different ways.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, so this is a long one that comes with a couple of trigger warnings (well, one). There's very explicit homophobia and internalized homophobia in this chapter, (because things can never just be easy for these characters). So I'm going to put a warning for where that starts in the story, and in the endnotes I'll update anyone who didn't read. </p>
<p>Other than that, enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John </p>
<p>He felt strange, not uncomfortable, just strange. Maybe it was the past few days, maybe it was the escape which seemed to have gone as badly as it could for John, barring recapture. Or…maybe it was the Alien goo or the way Todd applied it. The way his hand, surprisingly soft and gentle, had massaged the spot with a loose, casual restraint that told John he was perfectly safe, even being so venerable to attack. He slid his hand down to the wound, wincing at even that light pressure. Leaning over, he inspected it, wincing at how big and deep it appeared to be. It was going to need stitches…</p>
<p>“What a week,” He muttered. He was going to lie back down but, a few pinkish-yellow, smooth fruit-like things with no outer skin layer caught his attention. He was starving, and so he grabbed as many of them as he could and bit down without even thinking to check if they were poisonous. They tasted amazing, like strawberries and crème with honey on top, and their soft flesh was so juicy that it dripped down John’s chin and onto Todd’s coat. He must have eaten five of them before he was full, and even then, he ate a sixth. </p>
<p>Stomach full and feeling hydrated, he turned his attention back to the wound, eyeing with clearer scrutiny. It was bad, but he’d known that. Luckily, it didn’t seem to be infected yet. </p>
<p>He hoped that Todd’s enzyme would kill any Bacteria, an infection in that thing would kill him. Todd’s enzyme…He shuttered, toes curling in a way that made him blush. Fucking hell, what on Earth was wrong with him? Whatever he was feeling right now…at the memory of Todd leaning over him, golden eyes shining in the dark, hands caressing John…. Todd’s gaze dipping down to John's lips, John wanting more than that…Whatever he was feeling towards all that was way too similar to how he’d felt on his wedding day. And how he felt for…the both of them…all those years ago… </p>
<p>He growled, shaking away the painful memories, ‘Keep your mind focused, you’re not like that anymore.’</p>
<p> God, he hoped it was just the enzyme. Maybe skin-applied enzyme worked that same as the stuff that went into your bloodstream? Not likely but, it was the only barrier John had between him and his feelings. </p>
<p>His feelings, which were becoming shaper now that he wasn’t in agony. </p>
<p>“You are awake,” Todd ducked into the enclosure, he was holding something in his left hand.</p>
<p>John’s face bloomed with red, and he nodded quickly, curtly, like he wasn’t having a crisis “Where the hell are we?”</p>
<p>Todd chuckled, eyes shining, and came to sit beside the Colonel, “A hollowed out tree.”</p>
<p>“No kidding,” John tried to sit up but, Todd’s large feeding handheld him fast.</p>
<p>“No, stay still,” He opened his left to reveal what looked like a very thin bone, “I have to close it.”</p>
<p>“Did you make that?”</p>
<p>“I did, it is crude but, It will suffice,” his eyes raked over John’s torso, “It will hurt,”</p>
<p>“Please,” John sat up as soon as Todd’s hand pulled away again and he got far enough up that the Wraith let it go, “I’ve stitched up more wounds in foxholes with nothing by liquor and my wits than you ever have in your life,” </p>
<p>Todd shot him an assumed look, “Would you prefer to do it yourself?” He started threading the needle with what looked like string from the bag Lewy was carrying.</p>
<p>“Hell no, this isn’t Afghanistan,”</p>
<p>The Wraith chuckled, obviously doing his best to participate in a conversation where half the words were alien. “Very well,” </p>
<p>John snorted, eyeing Todd’s thread tying technique and wondering if he maybe should do it himself.</p>
<p>When started lining up the needle way too deep into his flesh, John made his decision, “On second thought, I should probably take over.”</p>
<p> He took the needle from Todd’s large, clawed hands, smirking at the Wraith’s look of relief, and turned it over a few times, getting a gauge for how much this was going to sting. “God, it would be great to have some scotch right now, or some whisky.”</p>
<p>“These are alcohols, correct?” Todd asked, sitting back against the dirt of the tree’s floor to watch John line up the needle himself. </p>
<p>“The best of the best,” John pushed it in, gritting his teeth. The thing was blunter than he would have wanted, and probably thick enough to have Dr. Keller faint but, it would get the job done. Besides, it was better than nothing, “Used to be handy out in Afghanistan in a pinch. Good for disinfecting and numbing.”</p>
<p>Todd gave him a look that clearly said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” and John was about to clarify when the Wraith said, “How long have you been an officer- uh…soldier?"</p>
<p>“Ever since I graduated Sanford- er, uh…since I was eighteen…uh…about twenty years”</p>
<p>“So not long then?” </p>
<p>John shrugged, “Not long for you, but twenty years is a long time for me,” He growled at the feeling of thread and bone against his tender skin. The gift of life would be great right now, but John didn’t want to get addicted. </p>
<p>Todd peered up at him “Are you happy?” </p>
<p>John frowned, hand pausing mid stitch. He thought back to his failure with Captain Holland, his court Marshal, and his almost dishonorable discharge. No one had asked him that in a long time. Not his brother, definitely not his father. General O’Neill wasn’t really a cuddly person, and everyone on Atlantis didn’t know much about his past.</p>
<p> Back then, on Earth, the answer might have been something like, ‘As long as I can keep flying aircraft’ or ‘sure, who wouldn’t be?’ But it was something more now, something better than a shrug. Here he had a purpose, a mission, a leadership role on one of the most important stargate expeditions ever. He was needed, he was liked, he had friends to exchange more than pleasantries with. Teyla, Ronan, and even Rodney had become like family, no, had become family, over the past years, good family, a nontoxic family that wasn’t full of pressure and pain.</p>
<p>Above all, his life meant something, not just to him but to the people around him too. He was more than just the heir to an empire or a Major in the Airforce; He was an expeditor, a Lieutenant Colonel, and a person whose opinion and influence mattered. His answer was clear.</p>
<p>“I am,” He said proudly, “I belong here like you belong at the helm of a Hive.”</p>
<p>Todd’s eyes shone, “Then you are happy?”</p>
<p>“I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,”</p>
<p>The Wraith, leaning back to look at John through lazy, content eyes. Several minutes of stitching went by before he asked “What is Af…gan..Afaganstan?”</p>
<p>“Afghanistan,” John corrected, “It’s a country that America is at war with,”</p>
<p>“I know of one of those words, Sheppard.”</p>
<p>Heat of a different kind rose to John’s cheeks and he chuckled slightly, “Right, sorry. So, Countries are like…Hives I guess because we’re all the same species. The people from Earth divided it up into chunks of land that different people, our version of Queens, rule over…usually. There are almost 200 of them.”</p>
<p>“And which is yours?”</p>
<p>“America,” He went to touch the patch on his jacket, frowned when it wasn’t there, and shook his head, “That patch I wear, that’s our flag.”</p>
<p>“And the one that Dr. McKay wears, that is?”</p>
<p>“Canada, our nice neighbors. And Dr. Zelenka is from the Czech Republic.”</p>
<p>“I see,” the way he said it made it sound like he absolutely did not see. He probably wasn’t used to a planet having more than one or two groups of people, let alone near 200 of them.</p>
<p>“Do your Hives have names?” John asked to give himself a chance to be confused.</p>
<p>Todd shrugged, “Not in the way that your countries do. Much like our real names, a Hive’s signature is purely telepathic.”</p>
<p>“Ah…So you guys really don’t call each other by names then? How do you refer to each other when you’re with other Wraith?”</p>
<p>Todd frowned like the answer should be obvious, “I…I am not sure what you ask.”</p>
<p>John groaned as the last few stitches went in, “Like uh…Rodney has a stick up his ass, or Teyla has a son and can kick my ass in the gym, stuff like that.”</p>
<p>“We would not,” Todd noticed John was done and bent down to sip the thread with his teeth. When he looked up, he said, “We would only discuss our friends when we are among others that share a mental connection with us. In a formal setting, we are referred to by our ranks, of which any Wraith of importance to the meeting can be distinguished using. Commander” he touched his chest, then pointed out to Lewy’s direction, “My second” </p>
<p>“Sounds pretty impersonal,” John tied off the string and fell back, too tired to inspect his work, it was probably terrible. </p>
<p>“As much as your naming system seems impersonal to me, Sheppard.”</p>
<p>“Because your names are so much more complicated?” he said halfway mockingly, waggling his eyebrows.</p>
<p>Todd smirked at him “They are nothing as primitive as a simple group of sounds if that is what you ask” </p>
<p>“Like Todd?” He suddenly felt ashamed, his eyes slid away from Todd. </p>
<p>Todd snorted, “I find that particular sound amusing but yes, not at all like ‘Todd’”</p>
<p>“Do you mind it?” John blurted out.</p>
<p>Todd shook his head, “It suffices for you to be able to identify me with your friends.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what I-”</p>
<p>“I do not mind it, Sheppard.” He leaned forward on his heels to turn John’s face to his, “Would you like to know it?”</p>
<p>John’s skin sparked at the contact, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he nodded, intensely curious. </p>
<p>Todd smiled when reached out with his mind. John accepted and was soon intertwined with Todd again as they’d been in the cell. Todd nudged him to dig deeper. He did and was met by a flutter, then a shiver ran up his spine.</p>
<p> John was suddenly assaulted with a whirlwind of feelings, emotions, and…something he couldn’t quite place. The Wraith, the one he called Todd, was the feeling of static up his arms, the awe of raw power, and the rush of total command. He felt like warmth, security and tasted like the scent of smoke on a cold winter night around the fire. About a dozen other emotions ran through him all at once, all collimating into the image, the being, the embodiment of his friend. It was a reflection, it dawned on him, of John’s deepest affections, the raw truth of how he saw the Wraith. At the same time, it was how the Wraith saw himself…a double-sided mirror. There was still more, new things coming, but Todd pulled back before he saw. John gasped. </p>
<p>“You see-”</p>
<p>“Mother fucker,” John wiped at his eyes, had he been crying? “That’s…you…”</p>
<p>“That is me,” Todd said softly. He let John come down from it, let the Colonel process and grieve the loss of the feeling of the Wraiths being. John stared at him, stared at this strong, powerful male before him, and marveled at his patience for something a primitive as John’s species.</p>
<p>Once he was finally back, he asked, “How can I get one of those?”</p>
<p>Todd chuckled, and raked a hand through John’s hair, fingertips sparking the skin there, “You already have one, through our mental link.”</p>
<p>“Wh-What?” He sputtered, eyes wide and cheeks red.</p>
<p>“Your mind, Sheppard,” He purred, “Is linked with mine, is it not?”</p>
<p>“U-Uhuh…”</p>
<p>‘What do you believe I use to reach out to you?’ Todd mused in John’s mind, “I imagine you, the whole of you, as I see you before me.”</p>
<p>“Oh…” Was his lame response. Outside, he tried to keep it together but inside, his heart was racing, and he felt like he might explode from anticipation…among other secret things. ‘What does it feel like?’ that thought was supposed to be private but, Todd heard and barked out a laugh.</p>
<p>“It feels like you,” He answered. </p>
<p>“And…what do I feel like to you?” The Colonel wasn’t sure why he cared but, he did…for some reason. </p>
<p>Todd hesitated, there was reluctance there. Then he said, tentatively, ‘Would you like to see?’ </p>
<p>“Y-You can…do that?” </p>
<p>“It is similar to transferring my pleasure during the feeding process,” there was still an undercut of doubt but, John ignored it. He wanted to see. If anything, it’d give the Colonel a better idea of how to communicate with Todd once they were back in normal circumstances.  </p>
<p>He buried the real reason he wanted to know, running with the communication thing, and nodded. </p>
<p>Assurance, that was the first thing that John saw. Pride in work, positivity. He felt like a runner’s high, smelled of admiration and doubtlessness. John saw himself through Todd’s eyes, he felt the idea of connection, of contentment. He smelled leather and helicopter fuel. He felt the rush of the wind in his hair and the exhilaration of flying a Jumper. He tasted the air of battle, the scent of bullets and youth. He felt a beating heart, an endless supply of energy, a deep craving for flesh, for love, a yearning so strong that it almost ripped him apart.</p>
<p>He gasped again, this time physically moving his body away and severing their mental link abruptly and completely. His walls came down instinctively, shutting the Wraith out. Oh god, oh god there was still lust in his skin, love in his hair, his eyes leaked with longing. He was all over himself, and so was Todd. </p>
<p>Todd stared at him with the look of a man who both regrated everything and regrated nothing.</p>
<p>John stared back, frozen in time, unsure of what he just saw and so, so sure of it at the same time. Todd liked, no, Todd loved, no Todd ached for him. Ached for John, touched John because he ached for John. </p>
<p>And John ached for him.</p>
<p>Fuck, there it was. </p>
<p>Todd’s hands cupped his cheeks, tender, loving, “I have wanted to tell you for a long time, but I was not sure how, or when. I hoped that you would return my affections…as I suspect you do.”</p>
<p>Words hung on the Colonel’s tongue, pain bloomed in his chest, and desire coiled within him, ready to strike.</p>
<p>He had no idea what to say. He both wanted to run as far away as possible and meld his body to Todd’s for eternity.</p>
<p>Todd must have taken his silence for acceptance because he asked, “May I kiss you, Sheppard?”</p>
<p>No, yes, maybe? “Yes” The word fell from his lips like honey, drunk on wine.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” it was kind of him to ask, to give John another chance to assemble his thoughts. John wasted it. </p>
<p>“Y-Yes…” He wasn’t sure, his mind screaming for a pause, but his body is begging for it, overriding everything. And his logical mind knew that nothing about this was bad. That this ache was everything right with the world, not the other way around. He should have stopped, of course, he should have come down off his high or shared his conflicted emotions with Todd, the way he knew he could. But instead…</p>
<p>“Just…kiss me.” </p>
<p>Todd closed their distance with a purr low in his chest. They pressed their lips together with a tenderness that sparked on John’s skin, that had him moaning and leaning into it. Todd pulled him closer, parted his lips, and let John in, let them taste each other. It was electric, hot, feverish, and desperate. Todd rolled them over as gently as he could and pressed John against the dirt, pinning him there for easy access. John accepted it all, reveling in losing the battle, in letting Todd take the lead. The Wraith was hot and heavy, all muscle and centuries of strength. He tasted like smoke, and desire felt like sandpaper and cotton. John wound his hands through the Wraiths hair, pulled him closer in a plea for more. ‘Yes,’ he thought to himself, ‘this is what I want.”</p>
<p>It was bliss, but bliss shatters like glass.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(Okay here is your skip to the end warning :) ) </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>One moment John was feverishly pulling at Todd’s shirt, while a merciless assault on his bruised lips and neck took place. The next, he was sixteen, laying broken, bruised on the floor of his room, watching from hazy vision as his father took a bat to his head </p>
<p>“No!” He choked out, feverishly shoving Todd’s face away in a blind panic. His hand went searching for his stunner. The thing almost made contact but, Todd’s big hand was there to stop its attack.</p>
<p>“Sheppard?”</p>
<p>“Get off me!” He shoved out, struggling from under the Wraith who quickly retreated, panic lacing his golden eyes, “J-“</p>
<p>A choked sob escaped John’s throat. Words hung on his lips, exploded from his chest, “Get out!” he didn’t know he said it, he meant every word, ‘Get the hell out!”</p>
<p>Todd stayed frozen, he was a foot away from John, hands completely off him, but he was too close. Way too close. </p>
<p>John shoved against his chest, “Fuck off Todd!” </p>
<p>The Wraith did not move, maybe it was his own shock, so John took fists to his chest, trying to beat him into submission. But the Commander didn’t even grunt. Slurs hung on the Colonel’s lips but, they did not leave them. ‘I hate you' turned over in John’s head, begging to be let loose. He couldn’t say, he didn’t, oh god he didn’t-</p>
<p>“I’m not gay,” He spat, anger boiling off him like steam, “I’m not gay.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know what that-”</p>
<p>“Goddamit Todd leave me alone.” He yanked away, turned away, eyes flitting around the room, searching for something, anything, that wasn’t Todd. Anything he could hold onto before the dam broke. </p>
<p>A strong hand closed around his cheek, turned his head back forcibly. The two locked eyes, “Sheppard…”</p>
<p>“No…”</p>
<p>“Show me.”</p>
<p>John’s mind fell apart.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>John is seven years old, watching the news with his Father. Patrick Sheppard sits in his black easy chair with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Something’s happening on TV. John doesn’t quite understand but, he hears the words “Agenda” and “This illness” repeated throughout the broadcast. </p>
<p>“Hear that, son?” Patrick’s deep voice bellows over a blonde reporter's desperate pleading, “They’re taking over California. Do you know what that means?”<br/>John shakes his head, he doesn’t.</p>
<p>Patrick ruffles John’s hair, cigarette ash tickles his skin, “It means we aren’t going to California anymore.”</p>
<p>“Okay, dad.”</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>John is 10, he’s eating dinner with his father and his little brother, Dave. Dave says something about seeing two men on the street on the walk home from school.</p>
<p>Patrick’s first is out before either brother knows what’s happening. It hits Dave square on the nose with an awful-sounding crack. Blood gushes from the boy’s nose, spilling onto the dark wood dining room table that’s engraved with gold. Tears run down his eyes like waterfalls and John watches, stunned into submission at their father’s outburst. </p>
<p>“Don’t you ever,” Patrick growls out, grabbing his son by the hair and yanking his head up, ‘bring that filth up in this house ever again.”</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>John is 13, his father storms in, beet red and slams a newspaper down on their marble kitchen counter. John looks up from his math homework and the doodle Michael Brown drew in the corner of his notebook.</p>
<p>“Can you believe this?!” Patrick shoves the paper to John who takes it, hand trembling, terrified of his father’s fist. The headline of the paper reads “Gerry Studds, first openly homosexual congressman, elected today. </p>
<p>“Oh…that’s uh…gross, dad.” John’s heart pounds in his ears, he tenses, waiting to be hit, or screamed at, or pushed off his barstool chair. Can Patrick see what’s brewing inside him? Does he know what John feels for the boy who doodles in the margins of his heart?</p>
<p>Instead, Patrick ruffles John’s hair, “I can only thank God that I have two healthy boys.” He bends down, cups John’s cheeks, and grins.<br/>John grins back forcing down salty tears.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>John is 14, John is kissing Michael Brown in the boy’s bathroom between first and second period. Michael loves him, he loves Michael.</p>
<p>Michael is dead the next week. His parents beat him to death with a bat. John keeps his doodles close, sealing them away in an envelope he keeps under his queen mattress where no one ever looks. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>John is 16, camping with Tommy Gardner. Tommy waxes poetic about stonewall, about gay rights, about condoms. John stares through long lashes, he watches Tommy scribble out poem after poem about life as a gay kid in 1986, a gay kid during the AIDS epidemic. John writes his own poems, ones about his father, about loving Michael, about loving Tommy. He keeps them under his bed, along with the doodles. Locked away, like his heart. </p>
<p>John is sixteen and rushed to the ER for major bodily trauma. John is sixteen and almost dies. John is sixteen and his father almost kills him after finding his poems and doodles one day. John is sixteen, John burns the poems, replacing them with Air Force pamphlets and Nancy. He keeps the doodles for another year. He burns them the day Tommy is sent off to conversion therapy. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>John is sixteen, John is eighteen, John is twenty, John is thirty-eight. John is not gay. John is not bisexual. John is straight. John is healthy. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>When the memories faded, John was sobbing into Todd’s shoulder. He gripped the male tightly, shivering against his muscular body and spilling salt onto his shirt. </p>
<p>“Sheppard…” Todd mumbled, stroking John’s hair comfortingly.</p>
<p>“Don’t…” John just managed to get out, “I can’t…”</p>
<p>“I did not know, I believed it normal for humans to-”</p>
<p>“For God’s sake Todd,” John pulled away, “I’m in the goddamn military.” He wiped his eyes, but they just blurred again.</p>
<p>“I do not-”</p>
<p>“Of course, you don’t.” John found himself, for possibly the first time ever, wishing Rodney was here. He wished he hadn’t had to share all that with someone who could ever understand the concept of homophobia…of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” of conversion therapy and AIDS and religious fathers and all that fucked up shit. Rodney would understand…he’d…he’d probably say something stupid and scientific to try and make John feel better but, he’d understand all the same.</p>
<p>The Colonel just sat there, hugging his knees even though his wound hurt like hell. He rocked back and forth, trying to calm down but failing. </p>
<p>“What can I do?” Todd asked cautiously.</p>
<p>John nodded through blurred vision, “Y-You can leave…” he sobbed, “I need to be alone right now…”</p>
<p>“I think that is the last thing you need,” the pain in him was evident. </p>
<p>John looked up, met his eyes, and scowled, “R-Remember our conversation about boundaries?” he pulled Todd’s coat around his skin, shutting the Wraith out in another way.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Todd crouched down to face the shaking colonel “but these are not your boundaries, John Sheppard. They are your fathers.”</p>
<p>John’s mouth fell open to protest but, Todd held a hand up, “But, I will not stay if that is what you need from me right now.”</p>
<p>“I…” his eyes watered, “I…It is…” John tried to catch his breaking heart before it hit the ground. </p>
<p>Todd sighed and shook his head, “I’m sorry that I didn’t see your pain,” He said softly, “I should have…” He trailed off, a soft growl under his breath, “know that I am here when you are ready.” With that, he was gone, leaving John to watch his own beating heart spill against the dirt, stained. </p>
<p>~</p>
<p>John spent the rest of the night awake, thinking. He knew he should sleep, of course, he needed to keep his strength up for the long walk ahead. But he couldn’t. The memory of how Todd saw him kept replying in his head, over and over couple with Patrick Sheppard’s screaming. His hateful words, slurs, and threats rang in John’s ear like gunshots. Worst of all was that his father was dead, buried in the dirt like the worm he was.</p>
<p>‘How can something stick after it dies?’ he wondered </p>
<p>His father had plagued him all his life. From the moment his mother had a boy, John’s fate was supposedly sealed. He’d grow up wealthy, be raised and groomed to take over this father’s utilities business when the time came, and marry some nice girl to have more sons to take over when he was dead and buried. It didn’t exactly go to plan. </p>
<p>For one thing, from as early as ten, John realized he liked the men on TV just as much as the women. He’d been pretty good at hiding it. He made sure to let all of his traditionally masculine qualities shine for the public; guns, beer, football, all things John genuinely loved. Problem was, he loved slow songs, fruity drinks and the boy next door just as much. Even so, up until he was sixteen, John and Patrick’s relationship had been rocky for other reasons. He wasn’t interested in utilities, or business, not like Dave was. And though he got good grades in school, all he wanted to do was be on the football team, something he was never allowed to do because it might damage his brain. </p>
<p>All that had only made things worse when his father found his secret stash. There’s a scar on John’s shoulder where he was shot with his own handgun, in his room, while no one else was home. There are pricks on his arm where glass shards stung his flesh. Sometimes he could still feel the chokehold and the black eye, the broken thumb and split lip. His own signed baseball bat falling against his skull until his mother threatened to leave Patrick if he swung one more time… </p>
<p>The best thing about being in the military, he thought, was that it explained away all the scars. Sometimes even John would seal them to places that weren’t his house. The shoulder wound was Afghanistan during a shootout. Glass? Shattered window under heavy gunfire. The small dent in his skull was from when he hit a rock on the way out of a helicopter. It was nice to pretend he could attribute them to some large unknown entity rather than the man who raised him.</p>
<p>He rubbed his arms, drawing them around himself for comfort. Todd’s coat was heavy on him, the strange leather was warm, and it blocked out the chill of the night. </p>
<p>Just like Todd…it was comforting, secure, and safe.</p>
<p>When exactly had he come up with the idea that Todd was safe?</p>
<p>Probably sometime around when Todd had demonstrated it. </p>
<p>Guilt shot through him at the way he’d acted. None of what had just happened was Todd’s fault, none of it. The Wraith had no concept of the things that John was haunted with. John wasn’t even completely sure Todd read emotion the same way humans did. He’d asked…John’s eyes blurred with tears, and John had accepted. To the Commander, that was consent. And it was consent to John too. He’d wanted it…he’d just…he just realized halfway through that he didn’t…that he couldn’t. <br/>John should have let him see the turmoil that wasn’t visible in his eyes. If Todd had just seen…he wouldn’t have kissed him…John was sure of that, Todd clearly respected his boundaries, clearly cared enough to hold back. </p>
<p>The Colonel hoped Tod didn’t think John blamed him for it. </p>
<p>“Fuck,” He mumbled, drawing closer. His heart rate spiked, he shuttered. He wanted Todd, just like he’d wanted Michael and Tommy…he wanted those big hands on him; on his hips, in his hair, around his torso. He wanted to taste the Wraith, wanted to kiss him raw and then some more. He wanted to see under that shirt, in those tight leather pants…And knowing the Wraith wanted the same was exhilarating. </p>
<p>But, he couldn’t.</p>
<p>If anyone on base found out, anyone like Callaghan, John could be dishonorably discharged in a heartbeat. He’d have to leave Atlantis and go back to Earth with nothing. Maybe his brother would let him crash on the couch for a while but, it wouldn’t matter. If John couldn’t be on Atlantis, hell, if he couldn’t fly…he couldn’t live. And even barring all that, Todd was a Wraith, and Rodney, Teyla, and Ronan would never accept that. </p>
<p>What a goddamn mess…</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So basically what happened is John showed Todd trauma from his childhood regarding his homophobic father (because who didn't read Patrick Sheppard as extremely conservative and Homophobic?) And then John rejects Todd (kinda) and Todd leaves. John mulls it over and feels horrible about the whole thing. </p>
<p>Thank you everyone for all the support!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Things Fall Apart Part 2 (Things Collide)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Todd and John have a lot to work through. Will they kiss and make up or will I turn the candle around and burn the other end? Maybe both at the same time?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In no time, light was creeping into the tree hollow, a single ray falling on John’s face and disturbing him out of his half-awake stupor. He blinked in the light, hulling himself with a hand on his side. It felt different today. It was definitely healed more than it should have been, and some of the redness and some of the swelling had gone down. It was still pretty bad though and would be until he could get to Dr. Keller.</p><p>Warmth bloomed in him at the prospect of being so close to home. He imagined walking through the Stargate and into the command center; the shock on everyone’s faces when they see him alive and breathing. Teyla, Rodney, and Ronan flooding him with questions as he’s rushed to the infirmary…getting this damn wound stitched properly, having a hot meal made by a familiar face… </p><p>John could have spent the rest of the day fantasizing about his homecoming if it hasn’t been for Lewy barging in and demanding John “Get up, The Commander says that we are leaving soon.”</p><p>John grimaced, pain replacing the warmth as memories from the last night came flooding back, hitting John like a tidal wave. He forced himself to keep a straight face under the embarrassment, shame and grief that bubbled up in him. </p><p>He rose to his feet, with a grunt of pain. “How uh…is T- The Commander?” </p><p>Lewy looked down at him with narrow eyes, “Just get ready, and hurry, he wants to keep moving as soon as possible.”</p><p>John sighed, he waited for him to say more but the Wraith just stared at him, keeping his eyes narrow and sneering with distrust. John took the moment to size him up. He and Lewy were almost the same height, the Wraith being slightly larger. John found himself considering how much effort it would take to win against him in combat. Not that they were at all balanced right now. With John’s side the way it was, Lewy could easily take him. The thought made him nervous. </p><p>When Lewy left, John let himself relax, feeling tension he didn’t know he was holding, release. It came back full force when he remembered he had to see Todd again. He really wasn’t looking forward to that, not after everything that happened last night. He hoped to God that the Wraith wouldn’t take it personally…</p><p>‘Please don’t take it personally…’ he begged to himself, hoping that somehow it reached Todd’s completely closed-off mind.</p><p>No response</p><p>He expected nothing less but, it still hurt. He found himself missing the familiar pressure which had existed upon him this past week like a warm blanket. Once again, Todd felt safe, represented safe. </p><p>God, he was so screwed. </p><p>By the time John ate again and gathered what little he had, Todd and Lewy were already scouting out the best way to go. The Colonel lingered at the edge of the tree for a moment, reluctant to actually walk out and into the scrutiny of the forest. It only took Todd a few moments to notice his presence. Half-lidded eyes slid over to John, glancing up and down his body with intent curiosity and concern. It was too much for John and he tore his eyes away, looking down at the tannish dirt of the forest floor.</p><p>That was the wrong move because the Wraith stalked up to him, carefully, until they were close enough that John could reach out and touch him. </p><p>“Sheppard, can you walk?” It was gentle, friendly as if their previous conversion had never happened. </p><p>Something about that rubbed John the wrong way but, he wasn’t sure why. He had asked Todd to leave him alone, after all, and John was thankful that the Wraith wasn’t trying to strike up a conversation right now. Still, it begged the question; would Todd ever bring it up? or was their kiss the new Koyla? He forced himself to meet Todd’s eyes, searching them for something that wasn’t bored neutrality. When he found nothing, he grit his teeth and nodded curtly. He hugged Todd’s coat closer </p><p>Shit, Todd’s coat.</p><p>“Here, take your coat back.” He pulled it off, shivering in the cool air and thrust it out to Todd, keeping his eyes averted. </p><p>The Commander took it, long nails brushing John’s soft skin on retreat, “Are you cold?” He questioned in a way that made John’s heart leap. </p><p>The Colonel stamped the feeling out, snapped his eyes to meet Todd’s and shook his head, “No,”</p><p>Todd definitely didn’t believe him. His sharp eyes trailed down John’s bare torso in a way that wasn’t completely clinical before he reached up to pull his leather tank top off his body.</p><p>John forced his gaze away from the incredible amount of muscle that adorned him. His broad shoulders and hard lines created no illusions, the Commander was as ripped as John, if not more.</p><p>More, definitely more. </p><p>John gulped as the thing was handed to him, he pushed it back, “I’m. Fine.” He wasn’t interested in any favors right now. </p><p>Todd growled in frustration, “You are injured, you will take his, or I will return my coat.”</p><p>John met his eyes again, saw the resolute nature of a General, and snatched back the warmer option, that probably didn’t smell so much like Todd did. He pulled the coat back around him and fixed Todd with a similar look.</p><p>The Commander’s lips formed a half-smile before he quickly forced it down and pulled his shirt back on.</p><p>They kept their eyes on each other, letting the eye contact do the talking neither of them were willing to do mentally or physically. ‘Talk to me’ Todd’s seemed to say. John’s answered, ‘no’ not yet, he wasn’t ready yet.</p><p>Would he ever be ready?</p><p>Lewy growled lowly, breaking the tension, “Come on, we are losing daylight.”</p><p>There was a heaviness that hung in the air as they walked, a tension that hadn’t been there since the first time Todd had come to Atlantis. And there was silence, deafening silence. The Buzz of Todd’s mind was out of reach for the first time in days. Anger surged through John for a moment. He strangled it, forcing it down and stamping it out. He’d made his position clear, he Wasn’t gay and, even if he was, he wasn’t interested. And even if he was interested, he couldn’t go through with it, so it didn’t matter if he had feelings…which he definitely didn’t. Todd was only doing what John asked and leaving him the fuck alone to work through it all. Still, the Colonel couldn’t pretend that the loss didn’t feel like a gut punch. He’d gotten used to the pressure of Todd’s thoughts on his own, he didn’t like not knowing what the Commander was thinking. Especially since the Wraith seemed resigned to remain neutral despite last night. </p><p>‘Stop it, you’ll only confuse the situation. And you can’t have this get out of hand again.’ He chided himself, setting his eyes forward along their bumpy path. His side was starting to ache again from the constant motion, and he felt a little woozy. He kept his mouth closed, not wanting to start another formal conversion with the Commander. </p><p>The forest grew to be more and more like a jungle the further the group went. Thick, black roots crawled over overgrown paths, wide leaves blocked out the sun, creating a dusk-like light that only grew harder to navigate as the hours wore on. Slow, painful hours for John who’s throat ached for water and his body screamed for rest.</p><p>Lewy, unlike Todd, did not seem to care that the human’s legs were shorter and that his were stronger. He barreled ahead of them, holding up a little device that was probably a high-tech compass. Every so often, he’d look back and growl at both Commander and Colonel. The fact that Tod stayed relatively at John’s pace had to be a good sign, right?</p><p>Sometime around late afternoon, exhausted from the walking without any break for water or food- he was too stubborn to admit a need for either- and aching from the way it bothered his wound, John tripped over a particularly large root and landed square on his stomach and a strangled groan. </p><p>Todd rushed over, bent down, and helped the shaking Colonel to his feet, only for John’s worn-out body to collapse against his own, heaving. </p><p>Lewy turned back and snarled, “Is he not supposed to be stronger than that?”</p><p>“He is injured.” Todd snapped, hulling John to rest at the base of the tree.</p><p>John leaned against it, eyes closed, and holding his aching side, “Just give me like…ugh, five minutes.”</p><p>He practically felt Lewy roll his eyes.</p><p>Before long, something was brought to his lips and Todd told him to “Drink”</p><p>“You’ve had water this whole time?” John criticized before gulping down mouthfuls of the refreshing liquid. It did little to soothe his throat which felt scratchy and raw. His head was pounding now and sweat shined on his skin despite the cool temperature. Fever symptoms, infection symptoms.</p><p>“We must keep moving, human,” Lewy said roughly, taking the water back mid-drink. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I just need like five minutes.” He groaned and grabbed at his aching side. When he raised his hand, he was shocked to find fresh blood coated it.</p><p>Todd pulled the coat away to reveal the wound, he snarled, “Some of the stitches have split, we have to resew it.”</p><p>“No,” John added breathily, ignoring how badly he wanted to rest for longer, “Lewy’s right, we’re in broad daylight on a hostile planet, we have to keep moving,” He tried to stand and gasped at the pain of another tread loosening and the scab tearing. It sent him back down to the ground, teeth grit, fists clenched</p><p>“Shep-"</p><p>“Shu-"<br/>
Overhead, the faint droning of darts could be heard. Everyone in the group went ridged. Panic welled in John’s chest.</p><p>“How far away is the Stargate? Todd questioned tightly, multitoned voice low in his throat.</p><p>“At least half a day’s walk from here, we are dangerously far from it, especially if we can hear them.”</p><p>“Then you are right, we must keep moving,” There was a moment of pause, a reluctance. John stiffened up when Todd heaved his body up, situating them so that the Colonel was practically hugging him.</p><p>“Put me the hell down, Todd, I’m a soldier too,” He growled.</p><p>“You are not as prideful as you are intelligent, Sheppard, act like it.”</p><p>As much as he wanted to, John couldn’t complain. Todd was right, he couldn’t really walk anymore and, Lewy sure as hell wasn’t going to carry him. He did his best to ignore how his heart skipped a beat at the prospect of being so close to Todd. “Fine.”</p><p>~</p><p>The jog was full of silence and the occasional grunting. Many times, they had to stop to press themselves against trees, mistaking every twitch in the wind or rustle in the trees for the threat of a dart. Despite their efforts, the group was still miles away from the Stargate and night was quickly approaching. When It grew too dark, they stopped just as the trees started to taper off into a more thinly treed section of the forest with a little stream that ran in the direction they walked. Despite the lack of a mental link, John could practically hear the Commander’s apprehensive thoughts. They radiated from him like smoke from a fire. </p><p>John would be lying if he also didn’t feel exposed. He’d suggested that they take the wider way, one shrouded in the shade of the thick forest but, both Todd and Lewy had insisted that the quicker way was worth the risk. John was in no position to argue, having the least meaningful military rank here, and the weakest body. While John might have been able to stand up to Lewy in peak condition, Todd was a whole other story. He was at least twice as heavy, nearly a foot taller, and much, much stronger. There was no getting out of where these two lead him, especially not when he was in Todd’s arms.</p><p>When they stopped, Todd set John down at the base of another tree and moved aside the coat.</p><p>“How bad?” John said hoarsely. His throat hurt despite the water he’d had. </p><p>“You will make it, but you must not move too much, or we might not…” He traced a finger around the out edge, “It is infected, to resew it would only make it worse.”</p><p>“Enzyme…” John said reluctantly and closed his eyes.</p><p>“Agreed…” </p><p>John suffered through the pain of applying it in silence, keeping his eyes away from Todd’s slick hands and trying not to tense at every gentle caress. His heart was breaking all over again and he wanted nothing more than for this to be over.</p><p>By the time Todd pulled away, John was visibly shaking, a lump caught in his throat and eyes wet with held back tears.</p><p>“Sheppard…” Todd said softly. John moved his head away from the hand that tried to cup his jaw.</p><p>“J-Just leave m-me alone…” He shifted away from the Commander, bringing the coat up around him.</p><p>Todd made a sound like a sigh and sunk down to a kneeling position, probably to give the Colonel a sense of equality; Is this it, Sheppard, is this how we end?” </p><p>John looked up and over to meet his dilated eyes, “end?” he echoed starkly.</p><p>“Yes, end. Soon we will arrive at the stargate and we will go our separate ways…and I do not know the next time we will see each other…” He looked off to the side, “Our journey, everything we have been through and everything we have shared? Does it all end just like this, back where we started before it began?”  </p><p>John groaned and rubbed his face, “No…ugh, God Todd I’m just asking for a little space.”</p><p>“I know…but I do not want to leave you on a sour note, not again…”</p><p>“Well, I don’t want to talk about it,” he did want to talk about it, but he shoved those emotions down and looked around the forest resolutely. </p><p>Todd shifted back, pulling away from John so they were at a respectable distance, “Then I will never understand, you know that.”</p><p>“That’s the point, you can’t understand. And, even if you could, I can’t explain it to you…”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because” John tugged at his own hair, “because you didn’t even know what America was, Todd…how am I supposed to explain an entire culture to you? It’s a lot more nuanced than my dad beating me up for fucking a guy.” </p><p>Todd winced, then sat back his heels, “You could at least try.”</p><p>“What do you care? You’re like twelve thousand years old…does it really mean that much to you?” his eyes flicked over Todd’s body, noting that Todd could probably get anyone with it. “Can’t you just find someone else…?”</p><p>Todd’s eyes flashed and his jaw clenched, “Just because I have seen many eons does not mean that I do not feel or that I do not have real emotions that carry the same weight as your own.” He looked away and, suddenly, Todd seemed like the more uncomfortable one. “You have no idea how I feel about you…”</p><p>John blushed involuntarily, “I have a bit of an idea.”</p><p>Todd shook his head, “Truly, you do not,”</p><p>“Todd,” John said a little louder, trying to get the point across “I can’t reciprocate your feelings. I’m sorry but that’s just the harsh truth…”</p><p>“Because of your father?”</p><p>“No…”</p><p>“The because of what you think your friends will thin-"</p><p>“No!” John almost shouted, “God, this is exactly what I mean, there’s nothing about this situation that would make sense to you!”</p><p>Todd’s eyes flashed, he snarled and got to his feet to tower over the Colonel, “I’ve had enough of this. I am growing impatient with this game of hot and cold, Sheppard, I have borne and laid out the tragedies of my past in search of simple common ground. I had expected a little more give-"</p><p>“I could be discharged and kicked off of the Atlantis expedition!” John blurted out, glaring up at Todd. </p><p>Todd froze where he was, his pupils retracted and his whole body tensed, “What?”</p><p>“God fucking dammit!” John kicked the ground with his boot and brought his head back against the tree with an angry thump, “Gay men- fuck, men who like men and go around fucking flaunting it aren’t exactly accepted in the Goddamn Air Force.”</p><p>The Wraith reached out with his mind, immediately, asking for more information. John did the only thing he could think of and accepted it. He passed nearly forty years of American Military policy to Todd’s open claws, along with a tidal wave of emotion towards it. Not just his, but fellow servicemen and women who had been discharged right in front of him both before and after Clinton’s infamous policy.   </p><p>Todd took it all in with a haunted expression. When the Colonel’s onslaught finally stopped, the Wraith came back down to his level and said, very tightly, like he would scream if he didn’t force an even tone, “That is absurd…”</p><p>“F-Fucking tell me about it,” the Colonel shot back, whipping at his wet eyes and then bringing his arms back around his trembling body. </p><p>“Shep-“</p><p>“I can’t be with you, Todd. I want to…god I want to…” he shuttered, memories flitting back into view and making him draw back from the link in disgust. He shouldn’t want to…</p><p>Todd caught it, seized it, and pulled it back. With his physical body, he clasped John’s hands and held them there in a comforting squeeze, “Do not leave again, please…” </p><p>The Colonel bent under his will, allowing himself to be held like that. The lump in his throat returned, as did the warmth he felt when Todd touched him. He blinked and tears ran down his cheeks, wetting his bobbing Adam’s apple, “I want to…but it would never work…b-because we would never be able to see each other…and…even if we could…” He started to slide again, and Todd’s grip tightened, nudging John back off the ledge his mind teetered on. He bit his lip to force back something that felt like a sob, “And…even if I had…h-had a father that loved me…it wouldn’t change the law…This is all I have, Todd, this posting is everything to me…there’s literally nothing back on Earth for me…”</p><p>“I understand,” Todd whispered defeatedly, sweeping a thumb over the back of John’s palm. “Sheppard, if I had known, you know I would not have…”</p><p>“Yeah…” His voice cracked, “I know…” </p><p>They stayed there for what felt like an eternity. At some point, John dropped his head on Todd’s shoulder, savoring the feeling of hard muscle and the comfort the Wraith exuded. Disgust in himself crawled up his spine, trying to strangle him.</p><p>“I am sorry that you have to live with these thoughts,” Todd mumbled. He brought one of his hands up to rest in John’s hair. “If I could take them away…”</p><p>“Stop,” John choked out, leaning into the touch.</p><p>“I-“</p><p>“Seriously, if you think about it then I’ll think about it and we’ll end up fighting again…”</p><p>Todd almost laughed, “We do argue quite frequently,”</p><p>“We're both too stubborn for our own good…” he pulled his hands away from Todd’s so he could bring them up to Todd’s arms. “I’m sorry for how I acted last night…”</p><p>“I should be sorry; I should not have been so forward…”</p><p>“No, I let the enzyme get the best of me, you had no idea I was gonna react that way.”</p><p>“Indeed…” He brought his forehead down to John’s, “Then I will apologize for letting my own emotions…get the best of me, as you say </p><p>The Colonel chuckled sadly, “Yeah…thanks I guess…” </p><p>Todd’s mouth was silent, but his mind was loud, clamoring with questions and worry.</p><p>“What’s on your mind, buddy?” John asked softly.</p><p>“It is not important…”</p><p>“Tell me anyway,”</p><p>The Commander shifted “Will you still…” he cleared his throat, “will I still have you?” His eyes slid around the forest “I am afraid…Sheppard, you may be the only friend I have left…I do not want to lose what we have built…”</p><p>John pulled back to look him in the eyes, “We don’t leave our people behind,” he smiled halfheartedly, “For as long as I’m alive, you’ll always have a friend on Atlantis.”<br/>
Todd returned the smile full force “Perhaps that can be enough for me, for both of us…”</p><p>He paused, sighed and put his head back on Todd’s shoulder, “I think we could try…”</p><p>Todd moved like he was going to speak but, Lewy came racing up to them, arms outstretched, “Get to cover, there is a fighter approaching!”</p><p>Todd hulled the Colonel up and darted to the side, towards the cover of a thicker bunch of trees. Lewy followed suit jumped to the side and narrowly missing the beam that scanned the ground, searching for them.</p><p>When they were hidden, Todd put the John down, cat eyes wide, and pulled put his stunner, crouching low to the ground. John, despite not being able to hold his own weight, took out his own. </p><p>The Dart zoomed overhead, not appearing to have, miraculously, seen them quite yet. For a moment, no one moved, no one breathed. The only sound was the drone of the Dart, and the rustling of leaves in the wind. John exhaled when the droning grew quieter.</p><p>“Do you think it's safe?” he mouthed at Todd who shook his head, </p><p>‘They will not leave until they’re sure,’ and sure enough, the dart doubled back toward them.</p><p>Finally, after a couple more petrifying minutes of the dart going back and forth in their general area, its noise faded to nothingness, for real this time.</p><p>The whole group exhaled. John let himself relax against the new tree again. That was close, too close almost. He shook away the discomfort that seemed to crawl all over him, chalking it up to the whirlwind of emotions he and Todd seemed determined to throw each other into. </p><p>Todd, on the other hand, was doing his best to hide his apprehension which John could definitely feel now that their link was open again. He locked eyes with the Commander and gave him a reassuring smile, ‘it's okay, we’re safe’ but he wasn’t sure he believed that. </p><p>Still, it was all both Wraith and human could do but accept that the danger was gone, at least for now.</p><p>~</p><p>They set up a makeshift camp near the tree. John tried his best to forget his worry and focus on not bleeding out. Every attempt to move him just made the wound worse, and another stitching attempt would definitely be the wrong thing to do seeing as the wound was definitely infected. It was all he could do to hold Todd’s coat to it and pray that he could make it through the night. </p><p>Eventually, Lewy and Todd left him to go and find food, gather more water and, to discuss their next steps. </p><p>Discomfort hit John again as he watched them go. Something seemed wrong about this. Now that he’d had more time to involuntarily think about, it was strange that the Dart was alone. That didn’t happen often. Something about that narrow miss seemed too easy…as did the quiet that came after. No new Darts? It seemed almost improbable.</p><p>“Stop that” He chided himself. There was nothing wrong. If there was something to go wrong, then it would have gone wrong by now. Maybe these feelings were coming from his encroaching fever and the chills that ran up and down his worn body. God, he felt awful. He really needed to get to an infirmary…</p><p>~</p><p>“Sheppard! Sheppard wake up!” someone shook his body, rousing John from a deep sleep. The soldier shot to his feet, a trained response to danger. Adrenaline kept the pain of moving at bay.</p><p>“Todd?” John’s brown furrowed when realized that the panicked voice was coming out of an even more panicked looking Todd, he lowered his stunner, “Whats-"</p><p>“You have to run,” Todd said, “West, towards the gate,” </p><p>“Wha-"</p><p>“No time to explain, you have to go now while I hold him at bay.”</p><p>“I don’t-“ his head spun, alarm bells were clanging in their shared mind</p><p>“Sheppard,” the Commander grabbed John's hands, pressed his forehead against John’s, “do you trust me?”</p><p>“Of course but-"<br/>
“Then run” Todd hissed, pulling back, “now, and if I can, I will meet you on Atlantis.”</p><p>“Todd-"</p><p>“Run!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, argh! I'm sorry that I was gone forever lol (I was gone so long that a draft of a prolonge I'd hoped to start publishing by now is about to delete)</p><p>Anyways I had major writer's block for this part of the story and it really doesn't help that my professors just PILED me with work :(</p><p>I've got a question though;</p><p>So I'm pretty new to the SG fandom as a whole. Like last year new. I'd only seen a little of SG-1 when I got into Atlantis when my dad was like:</p><p>"God, I've watched SG-1 an alarming amount of times and I sure don't want to have to watch it again all the way through, maybe I can get my daughter into Atlantis instead so we can at least watch something I've only seen a concerning amount of times" (No judgment, I too want to watch these series a bunch of times)</p><p>Obviously, it worked (but I'm making my way through SG-1 now)</p><p>So my question is about the books. I don't know a lot about active fan forums, and I trust the opinions of you guys anyways. So I noticed people are calling Todd "Guide" so naturally, I wanted to look into that. I really don't like the idea that the books put forth that the Wraith have pronounceable names. (I've been operating under the common headcanon that the names are telepathic). Like, I don't hate the concept as a whole but I was kinda disappointed to find out that he had an actual name you could write down. At least it's still based on "feeling" as the wiki puts it.</p><p>So my question is really two questions</p><p>1. Have you read the books and are they worth it?</p><p>2. Do you consider them canon? What parts if you do and why not if you don't.</p><p>Personally, I'd only use their lore for writing if I knew enough about that lore (because duh how else would I write about it?) And they wouldn't change anything about this series because this fic is 3/4ths done and I already have my extensive Todd lore spelled out.</p><p>I know I'm sticking with the show's idea of how the Wraith came about when I write my prologue. </p><p>Really I'm just curious as to your thoughts and opinions on the books and if you even care lol. I might be reading way too much into this but I tend to get like that.</p><p>As always, thank you so much for all the support, Comments, and Kudos!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. A King's Ransom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Todd and John are ambushed and torn in two different directions.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Todd- An hour earlier </p><p>Todd’s sick feeling wasn’t just coming from the situation with Sheppard. No, there was something in the air, something around him that crackled like lightening and demanded his attention.</p><p>This was all too easy.</p><p>Twelve thousand years of life had taught the Commander that the Wraith were a resourceful, brutal and, most of all, persistent race. There should have been hundreds of darts in the sky looking for them, yet only a few had been spotted and only one had gotten close. That was unlike any Wraith Hive Todd had even known of, especially when the runaways were a New Lantean, a top officer, and Todd himself, the Wraith with a bounty on his head. He’d kept that particular tidbit from Sheppard from the beginning, knowing that if the Lanteans knew just how badly other Wraith wanted to get their hands on him, they never would have agreed to an alliance.</p><p>“A King’s ransom” Koyla had once mocked, reminding Todd that if he stepped out of line even once, the Genii traitor would be more than happy to pawn him over to the highest bidder and reap the rewards in earnest. </p><p>As if starvation wasn’t enough to force Todd to bend to his will. </p><p>Todd knew why, of course, he was a legend, a cautionary tale among Wraith, of what happens when you see humans as equals. <em>They blow up Hive ships with the information you gave them.<em></em></em></p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He hadn’t been kidding when he’d told Sheppard that it took millennia to find a Hive that didn’t recognize him by face, one where he could sit among his kind and listen to stories of “Dying Ember,” “He-Who-Would-Sell-The-Stars,” “One-Who’s-Path-Has-Eclipsed” “Supernova” and many, many other names which openly mocked his original titles and honors without anyone knowing it was him. The days of “Guide,” “Way-Finder,” “Quicksilver,” “Starlight” and “He-Who-Covets-The-Universe” among others, were long gone and, the starburst that adorned him had become a symbol of mutiny, instead of the command, respect and desire it used to hold. He was lucky to have found that new Hive that didn’t associate mark with Wraith. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>But Todd did, and to hate one’s own markings was in itself a fate worse than death. How he loathed them sometimes. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>It had been a bit of a lie to tell Sheppard that Wraith did not verbalize identification. They did, but those verbal identification were so primitive, so underwhelming compared to knowing another Wraith well enough to experience a full mind impression, that it hardly mattered. Especially when a Wraith’s verbal name could vary from Hive to Hive depending on how they were seen. Todd’s name was his mind impression and only his mind impression, all others were shorthand and were not of any use except to remind him of a painful past. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>In a way, he welcomed Sheppard’s name for him because it didn’t have anything to do with stars. Of course, Sheppard probably would never give him such a name. Mind impressions were not instinctual for him as they were for Todd. Sheppard would likely never fully understand the difference, even though he had experienced it. That was all for the best, the Wraith supposed, it meant that Todd could remain Todd. He could remain this separate thing that was special, unique only to the bond Sheppard and he shared.  </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Also, if he was being honest, the Commander hadn’t felt like explaining the layers of Wraith culture to the human while he was trying to confess his desire. At the time, he’d expected that the pair would have a lot of time to discuss those things after they’d broken the years of tension.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Perhaps, one day, they would but, for now, Todd would have to resign himself to friendship.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“We should discuss,” Lewy said, breaking Todd out of his thoughts and back to that sick feeling that wouldn’t go away.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Perhaps Todd was so used to betrayal that he couldn’t allow himself to hope that Lewy could actually want to help him. He was almost sure that the lack of darts had something to do with his former second.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Discuss?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Our plan for the Stargate, where we will be going from here,” Lewy answered with a note of impatience. He held water bottles in his hand, indicating a trip to the stream.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Is there a plan?” Todd rose from where he had been sitting on a fallen tree log to instead walk with him. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Of course, Commander, there is a Hive-“</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“A Hive that would have me?” Todd bit out in amusement.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Not a prominent one but, yes.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Todd eyed him suspiciously, “Who leads this Hive?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“A young queen, one you have not met before but, who is eager to meet you.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“The Queen you truly serve?” Todd looked him up and down, “Forgive me, but I would like to see your mark of allegiance.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“I had to have it removed to go undercover,” the Wraith said matter-of-factly, like he didn’t mind. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>The comment brought Todd’s feeding hand go to his right bicep where patches of discolored skin marked where his former Queens had carved their symbols from his flesh. A shuttering breath betrayed his wandering mind.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Commander?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Todd shook his head, “It is nothing…What does this Queen go by?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“The Queen of the Lone Star” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He snorted. He had heard of her, heard that she was young and weak. Her name came from her lack of an alliance. He’d also heard something else about her, but he couldn’t quite recall it…</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“You do not have the liberty to be picky as you once did, Commander”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“She must be desperate if she is seeking my council,” He drawled.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“I assured her that despite your past, there is a reason that you were once desired by even the Queen of Sprawling Skies,”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He bared his teeth at the mention of the name of the Queen he had once served, and Lewy moved a step further to the side, away from Todd. Amusing. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“In any case, she is drawn to your wisdom, and eager for a way to stop the depletion of resources,” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“I will bet that she is,” he said icily, “if only they had listened to me a universe ago.” he paused for a moment, distracted by the crack of a branch. A quick flash in the corner of his eye was all it took to locate the small creature he had mistaken for an enemy. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Todd could tell that Lewy was holding back a snicker when he said “Now that they are desperate, they just might.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Todd regarded him with a sidelong glance, “They would rather destroy each other.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Perhaps, but you were revered for a reason,”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“And I am also hated, they will not listen to me, not anymore.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“You simply have not found the right they,”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He shook his head, “I will come with you to see this Queen first.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Then it is decided.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>They arrived at the stream and Lewy bent to retrieve water. Todd watched him with arms folded, leaning against a nearby tree and wracking his brain for What he couldn’t remember about Lone Star. It must have been information relayed by Koyla after a beating because it was hazy. Todd wasn’t a Wraith to forget anything.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“The human will probably need food again soon,” Lewy reminded when he rose from gathering water. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Hmm…I need to walk alone for a little always, I will meet you back here?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“As you wish, Commander”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Todd headed off in the direction of the strong scent of fruit. “Something…” He muttered, looking up and around at the forest cover. The little light from dusk that had shone through was long gone, creating an eerie darkness only cut by the sounds of the forest nightlife. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>There was something he was missing about this, something extremely important. Lone Star was a Keeper Queen. Keeper Queens, such as the one that Sheppard and his team had killed, kept and monitored Wraith in Stasis. They were usually the weaker female offspring of the Hive’s Queen and did not typically possess their own Hives. If they did, they usually didn’t ally themselves with anyone because all Wraith knew what a liability a weak leader in an alliance could be. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>It would not be strange for Lone Star to have a Hive now that there were so many more Wraith glutting the galaxy than there had been since the War. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He plucked a few large fruits off a low-hanging branch.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>But it would be unusual just the same. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>A memory pickled in the back of his mind, one that, perhaps, would not be so difficult to recall. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He set his fruit down and closed his eyes. He served his link with Sheppard before letting his mind slip into the memory.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>~</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“You have…come with a question?” The Commander said from his position on the cell’s floor.<br/>
From the other side of the bars, Koyla snorted, “You can tell?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>The Wraith grimaced, splaying a clawed hand out in a gesture to the Genii Commander, “You come bearing that look when you intend to either beat me or interrogate me. I am hoping it is that later, are you not?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Koyla’s mouth twitched in a half-smile which he quickly shut down in favor of a sneer, “Your Hive told me that your kind have woken again” </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Ah, so the clamor he felt in the air was for a reason. He’d been wracking his brain for days now trying to figure out why things felt so off-balance.</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“Well?” Koyla prompted impatiently </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“I guessed as much,” The Commander answered.</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Koyla just stood there with that scowl.</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Sighing, the Wraith ran a hand through his hair and asked; “What do you want, Acastus?” He would not normally be so blasé and insolent, but he had recently fed and was feeling a bit more like his old self. He would be harmed regardless of his attitude, so why not enjoy the extra energy while he had it? </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“They are early,” Koyla spat, “and your Hive says that they are many.”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“Then that is a problem,” He drawled, rising shakily to his feet. He hobbled over to the bars and wrapped his hands around them for support. A low growl accompanied his words, “they will come for you and your technology before many others.”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Koyla solved the tip of his taser against the metal, sending a powerful surge of electricity through them to the Wraith who hissed in pain and staggered back.<br/>
“How do we stop it?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“Stop it?” The Wraith mused from a slightly bent position, “you would need to be centuries further along with your weapons to stand a chance” He brought himself back down to the floor, leaning his head back and closing his eyes in dismissal. “There is no stopping Wraith.”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“Get up and tell me what you know,” the human demanded. </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Todd opened one eye but didn’t bother looking over, “you are afraid…”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Koyla opened his mouth to deny it but The Wraith snapped his head over, looking him in the eyes, “Admit it, and I will tell you what you desire.” A bold move, probably a mistake, but the Wraith was growing tired of this game. Seven years of Koyla had begun to grate on him. There were creatin things that would happen regardless of what he said and did, if he could make himself feel a little bigger during the quiet moments then it was worth the pain that would come. </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“I don’t think so,” Koyla unlocked the cell and flung the door open. He slammed it behind him before the Wraith could try anything.</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>He tensed involuntarily, hating the way his body recoiled when the human came forward, taser out. </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“That’s right” The man almost purred, “you’re the one who is afraid.” He kicked his foot out to catch the Wraith in the side, “you’ll remember that eventually, even it takes another seven years.”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>The Wraith Commander flopped his body over, knowing that he was still far too weak to fight back. Instead, he peered up at Koyla with one eye and hissed, bracing for the next kick. </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>It came, along with the Genii man’s spit into his eye. He hissed again, yanking back only to be rammed in the side with a taser.</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“I’ll ask again, how do we stop it?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>The Commander snarled up at him through tight lips. He’d given up screaming a long time ago, it saved him more energy to lay there and take the agony.</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Koyla growled in frustration and pulled the taser away, only to shove it back down before the Wraith could catch his breath, “Tell me what I want and you can eat for free next month.” He pulled back the taser and glowered down at his prisoner.</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>The Commander knew what that meant. His whole body ached at the prospect. Months could go by without the chance at a break from it. He should take this chance to have fewer wounds to heal…and more energy with which to heal them. A month where he didn’t have to hate himself as much as he would the next. </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“Or not,” Koyla mocked, “It’s your choice, as always.”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em> The Wraith held up a hand to tell the human he needed a second. He was losing his energy to repairing his body and that was making it harder to focus on staying alert and responsive. ‘Still worth it’ he thought.</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Once he felt he could speak, he breathed out, “You cannot…”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“Wrong answer,” the man raised his leg again and the Wraith just managed to roll way in time to dodge its attack. It was a miracle that his body had even moved like that. </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“It is the only answer!” he spat, hastily adding “without Lantean technology, it is futile,” when Koyla prepared to bring the taser down again.</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Koyla’s hand stilled, “Lantean technology? What's a Lantean?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“You call them the Ancestors,” The Wraith snarled breathily, “Their technology was superior even to that of the Wraith.” He hulled himself up against the wall, breathing heavily. “and far, far superior to your own technology.”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“How would we get this technology?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>A chuckle escaped the Wraiths throat, “you could travel back in time say, 10,000 years?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Koyla huffed, “do you have anything of use to tell me?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>He shrugged. Of course he did. He had access to over 10,000 years of memory not just of Lantean technology but that of Wraith. He could, with enough time and resources, build the Genii all the weapons they needed. But he had made a practice of never offering anything up unless Koyla specifically asked for it. Even if the work would allow the Wraith a break from endless days of silence, he wasn’t going to offer it up of his own volition. </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>He eyed the man, and the taser, which was still posed to strike. He was surprised to see it flicked off and put away. “There are rumors that ones who woke the Wraith are connected to the Ancestors…” Koyla whispered. </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“What?” the Wraith Commander wheezed.</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“The New Lanteans, you’d call them” he muttered, turning to go.</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>The Wraith thought he should perhaps try and take him from behind, but even the idea of rising pained him when he was steadily losing energy to the healing process. Besides, if he failed, eat for free would be off the table for sure. It was only once the cell door was closed again that he trusted himself to say or do anything; “Acastus?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Koyla turned back, scowling, “what?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“Which Queen was it that died…?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>He wrinkled his nose, “Why should I tell you?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“Why should you not?” </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>Koyla looked at him for a long while before he answered, “They called her Lone…Lone Sun or something along those lines.”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“Lone Star?”</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>“I believe so”<em></em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>~</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Todd pulled himself any from it with a gasp and stumbled back until he hit a tree. That was right, Lone Star had been recruited to watch over another Queen’s Wraith after her Queen had woke and the weaker Queen was no longer needed. She’d been shot by Sheppard when he rescued his people…</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“I knew it…” He took a deep breath, letting the pain of realization wash over him. Lewy was lying. He snarled, anger surging through him. He had to brace himself on the tree so he would fall. His left hand covered his own mouth to stop a roar. </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>‘Stay calm’ he told himself, ‘you can still make it to the stargate if you pretend to believe him’ It was easy to think that, but to stop the panic, fear, and despair that took him over was another. The part of him that wanted to gut Lewy for even trying to deceive him was quickly overtaking him while another part felt sick at what the Wraith could want with him in reality. </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Neither of those sides could show themselves right now, he needed to focus on getting out of this.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>He should not have trusted him even a little, he should have known better than to think that any Wraith was on his side.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>At least he’d found out before it was too late.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>He took a deep breathed and started back to the stream bank so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion. As he drew nearer, he heard Lewy talking to someone. He slowed to a near halt and ducked down behind some bushes to listen in. </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>The Wraith was holding a small device and talking into it; “Yes my Queen. He went off on his own like we hopped” Silence then, he huffed, “I cannot kill the human yet…because he is more valuable to us alive than dead.”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Todd froze.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“Yes, he will be an excellent bargaining chip when dealing with Atlantis. And, he means much to your prize, almost too much” Lewy sneered.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Todd sunk lower. He listened intently despite everything in him screaming for him to run.  </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“If we keep the human alive, we can give him an incentive to talk. With his knowledge, we can bring Atlantis down before it can do more damage.” He stood there for a few more seconds, purred out a “Yes, my Queen” and brought the device away from his ear.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>The wind rushed past, fanning Todd’s white locks out around him. The rustle of the leaves allowed the Wraith the sound cover to dart to a tree where he’d be hidden better. His heart was pounding out of his chest, he was tense and tight all over, even breathing seemed to escape him. The possessive, animalistic part of him longed to go out there and rip the Wraiths throat out with his teeth, then keep him alive with the enzyme while he drained every last bit of life from his miserable body. Partly for threatening him but, mostly, for threatening Sheppard. </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>There was no real reason why he couldn’t do that, actually. He hissed from deep in his chest, pupils retracting, body sinking to a more primal stance that said “Get out of my way or I’ll make you get out of it” Sheppard was wounded, defenseless and considerably weaker. It was a low, low pathetic move for Lewy to make. To use a human to threaten a Wraith, instead of just torturing the Wraith outright was, at best, a show of incompetence. At worst it made Lewy worse than Koyla. At least that male had had the strength to torment Todd and Todd alone. At least Koyla hadn’t gone so far as to imply that Todd had a weakness…at least not in that way, at least not with most humans…</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>A memory so strong, so defined, almost managed to pull Todd away from the moment. The cold, mocking voice of Koyla telling the Commander he had a choice…</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>“You or the New Lantean human, take your pick”<em></em></em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Lewy’s voice, or rather, the voice of who Lewy was talking to, yanked Todd right out of it.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>She was sweet, a soprano lit to her loving voice that sparkled and shimmered like sunlight on the open ocean. </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Listen! The Commander needs to send reinforcements!” Lewy shouted with faked panic.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“What? What’s going on?” She demanded, voice hitching the way it always did when she was worried. Could it be? Or was hope deceiving him? </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Astra, we need you!” she continued.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Astra…as in of the Stars Astra? No, that couldn’t be right. Was Todd hearing things? Astra was most definitely dead, and so was she. Tood must be hearing things. There was no way that they could be alive after all these years…</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>There was a silence, Lewy fiddled with the thing in his hand. He could never stand her or her voice…so he wasn’t holding it up to his ear…</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“What is it, have you been spotted?” A heaver, deeper, multitoned voice growled at Lewy from the other end with a characteristic hint of exasperation for lower life forms. Astra’s voice as plain as day…Astra’s older, wiser voice that sounded so much like Todd’s own just like it had all those years ago…</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Yes! The Hive I found him in must have decided that what we gave them wasn’t enough because they-“ He darted to the side to make it seem like movement was happening, “Commander!”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Todd rose from his crouch, slowly, steadily, listening to Lewy make up a story about a fake capture and trying to force himself not to run for it. </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Send Fighters through the gate before they-"</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>In a moment of blind panic, Todd launched out of the cover of the tree and straight toward Lewy who’s eyes went wide when he spotted the Wraith barreling at him at full speed, “Astra!” He shouted, dodging Lewy’s attempt to knock him down.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Comm-"</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“It’s a trick!” Todd snapped, twisting his body down and under Lewy’s launch. Above them, a fighter wailed. ‘Don’t listen to a thing this miserable-"</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Lewy tossed the thing into the stream and lunged again, this time managing to seize Todd’s arm, “I was hoping to do this the easy way.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“I bet you were hoping a lot of things,” The Commander snarled. He used Lewy’s own momentum against him, sending the shorter Wrath stumbling back wildly. “You should not have used the Lone Star as your false Queen. Even capture did not render me ignorant.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Lewy leaped back to his feet, crouching low, prepared to charge, “It was not meant to fool you, it was meant to distract you long enough for the Fighters to get here. You often wish to be alone when you are thinking.” </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Todd snarled at the insinuation that Lewy thought it would take Todd much longer to remember something. And, at the fact that the Wraith’s plan had almost worked. He got in the same position, “I will not allow myself to be captured, you know that.” He bared his teeth.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“You cannot help but be in chains.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“You will not win this fight. You said yourself that I was revered once, and you know why,” he flexed his hands, feeling the way they shook with rage. He let the feeling fill him. </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Lewy had the audacity to laugh, “look at you, you are but a shell of your former self, “Todd” He mocked, “If you were truly a threat, I would be dead by now.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>The Commander snarled, inching closer. Lewy’s eyes glowed in the dark. The low light left the lightning strike mark that crackled across his face only half visible.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Try it, I will not allow some Kaasaelaja to defeat me.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“You were my Second,” The Commander said tightly, “I trusted you…”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“And I, you, until the Lanteans turned what we gave them into the means to destroy us!”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“I did not know-"</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“If you had been a worthy Commander, you would have been more cautious!” He seethed, “Now you and your allies will pay for your negligence.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>That chilled Todd to the bone, “Sheppard has done nothing…”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Nothing?” Lewy's eyes shone with hatred, “He woke everyone up, all of us. He is the reason why we fight and kill each other.” The Wraith lunged so quickly that Todd almost didn’t have enough time to react. He was reeling from the betrayal, he was distracted. He just managed to dodge the attack.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“You and Colonel John Sheppard of Atlantis are perhaps the two most desired trophies in the galaxy. One for almost costing us our victory, one for destroying the peace we spent so long building up after-"</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Peace could still exist if the Wraith could learn not to deplete the resource they fight over! If they could only-”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Spare me the ideals.” The Wraith came at the Commander hard, slamming him to the ground will all his weight and pinning him there by the wrists with both hands. His feet dug into the Commander's calves.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Above them, a Fighter flew by towards Sheppard’s location. Todd couldn’t stop the alarmed flailing that overtook him. </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Lewy snarled down at him with disgust, “It is pathetic how wrapped up in their lives you have become.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Todd bared his teeth, bringing his head up to try and get a hold of the traitor’s throat but the Wraith place his feeding hand on the Commander’s bare throat to stop him.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>He shoved aside panic, snarling and biting out “You will not.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“I just might,” </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Todd tried to reach out to Sheppard, but the lack of mental presence indicated that he was asleep. New alarm surge through him and, despite Lewy’s hand, he fought once more. As he suspected, the Wraith did not feed, too afraid to damage his prize beyond repair. The feeding hand threat was definitely not worth the weaker grip Lewy had now on Todd’s wrists.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>He growled, twisted one wrist out from under Lewy’s grip, and used that leverage to shove him off and onto the dirt. A swift move and Todd was on top of him. He raised his feeding hand, reveling in how the traitor stiffened up beneath him.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Once again, the Fighter wailed.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>The falter in Todd’s expression, the glance in Sheppard’s direction, made Lewy laugh, “I will bet that if you go now, you may be able to get to him before the Fighter finds him.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Todd hissed, drawing his hand back further.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Of course,” Lewy drawled, “You could choose to feed on me and waste the precious seconds you still have left to save him.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“You do not know if that is the case.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“No, but neither do you.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Todd was being torn in half. One part of him was desperate to stay and drain Lewy so that he would threaten both Wraith and human no more. The other screamed for him to run, go now and save his human. After a moment, he snarled in defeat and lowered his hand.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“I knew you were weak.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“I will finsih this.” Todd slammed his elbow down on Lewy’s skull, hoping the impact would buy him more time, then leaped from the Wraith and took off in Sheppard’s direction.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>He dashed through the foliage, ducking and darting around trees, bushes, and low hanging branches. He crouched low and ran in a scattered, patternless style to avoid the wandering beam of the Fighter. When he reached Sheppard, he grabbed hold of his arms and shook him awake. </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Sheppard! Sheppard, wake up!” </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>The human leaped to his feet, stunner out, whipping it around in a blind panic. “Todd?” He said, brow furrowing when he recognized it was Todd. he lowered his stunner, “What’s-“</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“You have to run, west, towards the gate,” Todd insisted. Sheppard needed to put distance between himself and Todd. If the Commander was correct, the fighter was primarily looking for Todd and would try to get him first. If he could kill Lewy before that happened…</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Wha-“</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“No time to explain, you have to go now while I hold him at bay.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“I don’t-“ </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Sheppard,” the Commander grabbed Sheppard’s hands, pressed his forehead against the human’s, “do you trust me?” please trust me, he begged, please, please trust me.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Of course but-“</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Then run” Todd hissed, pulling back, “if I can, I will meet you on Atlantis.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Todd-“ he pleaded, the pain and confusion in his voice broke the Commander's heart.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Run!” He shouted, pushing Sheppard into a run, “Now!”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>The human took off as best he could with his wound. Todd just had to hope that it was enough…</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“I hope it was worth it,” Lewy snarled from behind. Todd was met with the barrel of a stunner to his head when he turned.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>He swayed back, reeling from the impact, “How did you…”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Lewy glanced up at the sky where another dart was hovering just above the both of them, “I called in some back up at the stream.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>That was it, Todd thought, his stomach turning, he was trapped. “Do not do this…”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“It is already done.” He raised his stunner to fire.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘Sheppard’ he called out, dodging the blast, he just needed to buy a little more time. He ran to a tree, using his momentum to grab onto a low and branch and swing himself up onto it.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘Todd? What’s happening?’</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘It was a pleasure to know you for the brief time I did,'</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘Todd I don’t understand-'</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘Things are going to get bad now. I cannot shield you or Atlantis from my world any longer, you must forget about it instead.’</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Come down from there and fight!” Lewy demanded, shooting again and only narrowly missing the Commander. </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘Sheppard, do you hear me?’ He jumped to the next branch. There was silence on the other end, for an agonizing moment Todd feared the worst. </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘Hell no,’ the human finally insisted, ‘I’m not leaving you behind,’</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘Do not be stupid, this involves much more than a prison cell.’</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘You were the one that asked for my friendship!’</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘I am releasing you from that obligation so that you and Atlantis may remain somewhat impartial!’</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘Impartial to what, Todd?!"</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘Me, Sheppard, I am a danger to you now…’</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘I don’t care, I’m not letting you go.’</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>The branch Todd was on broke and he hit the ground hard, knocking the wind out of himself. He staggered to his feet to try and run again but Lewy’s short-range stunner caught him in the head with enough force to send him down again. The Wraith sprinted over, weapon aimed.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>The Commander went limp, staring up at the sky and the two darts circling him.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“I told you, you belong in chains.” Lewy snarled</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Todd barely heard him, his mind wandered to the human again and he let the ghost of a smile cross over his face. ‘Goodbye, Star Scraper’ He thought affectionally, using his mind impression name for the human. It’d taken him a long time to think of something that fit. Something that showed he respected the human not just as a friend but as a Commander in his own right. That was what Sheppard wanted if his thoughts were to be trusted. Hopefully, it would communicate to the human exactly what Todd felt for him.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>He distantly heard Sheppard deny him once more. ‘I’ll find you’ passed over their link before Todd was beamed up into the enemy Fighter.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>John </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘Goodbye, Star Scraper’ Todd’s voice passed over their link mere seconds before it weakened dramatically. In those seconds, the Colonel, who was near close to passing out from the pain of running with his wound, felt a rush of Warmth unlike any he’d ever felt.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Somehow, someway, John knew how much those words meant. Before all this, they would have been just words to him. Now though, John truly understood the difference between Wraith and human names. The mental link, the affectionate tone, the clear as day intent to communicate hit him hard, pushed him forward. And, it cemented his resolve to not let that go. </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>‘I’ll find you,’ he pushed out, ‘I promise I’ll find you.”</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>Above him, a dart sounded. He looked back and panic quickly took him over. It was headed right towards him.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>He saw the beam out of the corner of his eye. He jumped to the side to dodge it but, he wasn’t quick enough. The thing passed over his body an instant later, beaming him up.</em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey! I guess this is what you would call a real plot? Lol. Now everyone has to watch me try and write more actiony things. Thank you for reading and for all the support!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Shedding Light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>John wakes up surrounded by new faces. What they want is anyone's guess</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John </p><p>There was shouting; the lilting voice of a woman rang clear among the jumbled growls of something unknown. </p><p>Someone put a hand on his abdomen. He felt the prick of sharp teeth, then the overwhelming sensation of the gift rushing through him. </p><p>He barely registered a figure over him, face twisted into a frown that was distinctly familiar. From where exactly seemed like a distant memory. Then, with the panic of one who has no idea what’s happening, he was out.</p><p>~</p><p>He awoke on something soft, something made of fur. His eyes blinked in the dim light, adjusting quickly. Something in him tried to tell him that danger was near but, his body was completely uninterested in responding. His limbs were lead; his torsos magnetized to his resting place. He doubted he could lift a finger if he tried.</p><p>The adrenaline rush that should have come with that realization, didn’t come.</p><p>“He’s awake!” Someone, a human woman John thought, called out and the Colonel heard the stepping of feet coming his way.</p><p>Someone lifted his head up to meet a glass of cool water which John gulped greedily until it was taken away.</p><p>Someone stuck something in his mouth, and it dissolved on contact with his tongue. It tasted sweet, like the fruit. Slowly, the ability to move returned to him. He wiggled his fingers first, then his toes. Eventually, he was able to hull an arm to his wound, brow furrowing at an unfamiliar pattern of stitches that didn’t feel like thread.</p><p>“W-Where am I?” He sputtered out, grimacing at his tired voice.</p><p>“Among Friends,” The female voice answered.</p><p>Somehow, John doubted that. Memories of the day were returning. Including Todd’s capture and Lewy’s betrayal, the Gift…The familiar feeling of panic returned when he realized he’d been separated from his companion and had no idea where Todd was, and still no idea where the hell he was either. He tried to rise, to get his bearings, and figure out where he was being held captive. </p><p>A few hands pushed him back down, “You’re still very weak, friend,” the voice was male this time, but still human,</p><p>“I’m not your friend,” John spat out, fighting their stubborn hold to no avail. Blind panic clouded his mind, the pressure bringing back memories of being held down…they were years old memories, but they chilled him just the same. </p><p>“Should I sedate him again, Mirage?”</p><p>“No, that would only scare him,” the one called Mirage answered in an even tone, peering down at John with an intent curiosity. </p><p>John’s body was too tired to fight anymore, and he slumped back, trying to ignore his racing heart.</p><p>Mirage felt his forehead, stroked it softly, delicate fingers brushing his hair in a soothing motion. </p><p>It was familiar. Like the whisper of a wonderful past…it evoked his childhood, he realized. Just the memory of his mother’s presence managed to calm him down. <br/>His vision slowly cleared, and he could now see her, the woman who seemed so like a love he’d lost. Her face was all feminine angels, with a splatter of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Her skin was lighter than Teyla’s, but not quite as light as John’s. Still, he didn’t think it was pigment so much as it was probably due to a lot of time in the sun. Her dark, wavey hair hung over her shoulder, laced with golden beads. A blue and gold bandana wrapped around her head at the top and more gold jewelry on her neck and ears shimmered in the low light. She looked almost like a Wraith queen, except that she was clearly human.</p><p>The other human, the one that had said her name, was a tall man with rounder features that indicated a happy lifestyle, though he was in no way out of shape. His skin tone was closer to John’s and his blond hair was cut short on the sides and longer on the top where it looked like it was gelled to not get in his eyes. He also wore jewelry but, much less than Mirage and he lacked any kind of scarf. </p><p>The pair wore clothes made of a thick-looking cloth probably designed to keep them warm. While Mirages was the same colors as her scarf’s, the man’s was a blood-red and a deep brown that complimented each other nicely. Both wore an equal amount of eye makeup that gave them a rather striking appearance. </p><p>Mirage noticed his alertness and smiled, “I’m Mirage, this is Alula” She gestured to Alula who smiled as well. “We’re friends, Si Anmourie, I promise.</p><p>John eyed her, suspicious, and confused. Her words turned over in his foggy mind. Si Anmourie…it sounded almost Spanish but, John knew it wasn’t. It was a phrase he hadn’t heard since he had graduated college. Who was this person? Where the hell was he? </p><p>“Where am I?” he said again, more forcefully this time, “Where’s Todd?”</p><p>Mirage frowned, kind features softening at the mention of Todd’s name “Oh…”</p><p>John didn’t like that look, “Where the fuck am I?”</p><p>She dipped her head, “In a safe place, we promise,” </p><p>Realizing he wasn’t going to get much more out of her, John slumped back against his pillow. At least this capture was soft and so far, free of Wraith. </p><p>Mirage moved off to the side and John heard her fiddling around the room. He kept his eyes on Alula, who looked slightly drugged out. He was rubbing his chest like he’d recently been fed on.</p><p>It dawned on him then that, especially with the whole being beamed into a dart thing, there were probably Wraith here. “Are you worshipers?” he demanded with a shiver down his spine.</p><p>“Not exactly,” Mirage answered, coming into view with another glass of water which she handed to John. He gulped at it again, this time drinking the whole thing before handing it back to her. She took it then continued, “Some of us offer the Wraith sustenance, some don’t, but none of us revere them as you suggest.”</p><p>Somehow, that made John relax a little until his hand brushed his new Gift scar and he flinched. </p><p>“The Commander says he’s sorry about that, but you were dying, and he needed a quick fix.”</p><p>“Commander?” John repeated, not bothering to hide the terror he felt. </p><p>She shifted closer to him, coming to rest a hand on his shoulder, “Not the one who attacked Dara.”</p><p>“Dara?” </p><p>“I believe you call him, “Todd?” </p><p>“Excuse me?” he spat out, rising again. He set the glass down a side table so he wouldn’t drop it, “How do you know Todd?” so far, everyone that knew Todd had ended up being bad news.</p><p>Ignoring him, she handed the glass to Alula, “Go get the Commander, tell him to meet us here, then come back.” </p><p>Alula nodded and spun off in some vague direction.</p><p>John watched him go with warry eyes, then he looked to Mirage who was fiddling with some kind of device. It didn’t look Wraith, “Where are we?” He asked again.</p><p>She shook her head, “There is much to explain, and much to ask,” she set her device down, “rest assured that you are in no danger here.”</p><p>“That’s not good enough…”</p><p>“In time,” she said sternly, eyeing him with an intensity that a woman near the end of her life might possess.</p><p>He said nothing, deciding that if she wasn’t going to answer now, then it was best to wait for the Commander.</p><p>The door opened and John tensed, ready to face an unpleasant Wraith Commander. Instead, it was just Alula carrying an armful of clothes.</p><p>“From the Commander,” He dumped them on a nearby chair “can he move?”</p><p>“I think so…” John responded. Better to be on his feet if he needed to run.</p><p>Mirage and Alula turned up the lights and helped him out of his bed. John discovered that he was in a sort of infirmary if the clean medical tools were anything to go off of. The room’s decor was distinctly human, but the surrounding walls were all purple organic matter. He felt his wound again, then looked down to discover a much more effective stitching job had taken place, and the wound was looking was better than it had yesterday.</p><p>“We noticed you had high levels of enzyme around there,” Mirage spoke as if she could hear John’s thoughts- could she? No, she was human “that’s probably the only reason you’re alive right now,”</p><p>Alula nodded his agreement, ‘you’re lucky the Wraith you were with was kind,”</p><p>Mirage hummed, taking John over to the pile of clothes. </p><p>“The Commander wishes you to dress first,” Alula said once John had stopped visibly swaying.</p><p>John flushed when he realized he was only wearing a flimsy white cloth that felt like a hospital gown. He scanned the chair for Todd’s coat, gut twisting when he couldn’t find it. “Where’s my coat?” it came out harsher than he intended but neither human seemed to care. </p><p>“The Commander took it, he-”</p><p>John cut Alula off, “I want my coat.” The pain of losing Todd was starting to return, he wanted the familiar fabric on his skin. He wanted the safety of the thick leather and the smell of his Wraith companion on his skin again. He pushed down the reason he wanted those things. </p><p>“But-” </p><p>“My mate should have it back from being cleaned,” Mirage informed in an exasperated tone, “please go get it while I help our guest.”</p><p>Aula made a noise of protest but, under Mirage’s powerful stare, gave up and slinked off to go get the coat. </p><p>“Your…mate?” John asked as he pulled on a pair of losing-fitting emerald green pants that bunched at the ankles- his BDU’s were nowhere to be found- so he didn’t have to stand here ass out in front of a pretty woman. He grabbed a matching shirt as well, wanting to create any many layers between hand mouths and his skin as possible. </p><p>She smiled, moving the discarded cloths, and helping him to sit down “There’s time for that later, I’d like to know your name first.”</p><p>“John…uh, John Sheppard…” he said without thinking.</p><p>She paused for a moment, seeming to lose herself briefly when he spoke his name. She shrugged it off in a moment and said “It's nice to meet you, John,” she said warmly, shaking his hand. Her hand was soft, her hold firm and warm. It made him ache for Todd. </p><p>He shook the thought away and muttered, “Nice to meet you too…”</p><p>Mirage sat back down with a “Hmm”</p><p>In this light, John noticed that she looked familiar, her kind features and air of authority over the other’s prickled at him. Upon closer inspection, he noticed her eyes were a similar she of green to his, and that her hair was a beep brown, not the black he’d thought it was. It only made her more familiar. He’d seen this woman before, he was sure of it. </p><p>Mirage, not seeming to notice his inspection, only returned a wider smile and sat back down, “There are whisperings around the Hive that you’re from Atlantis, is it true?”</p><p>The question pulled him back to the present. Who was this woman to know about Atlantis?</p><p>She looked at him expectantly, like she was used to getting what she wanted and expected him to be no different. </p><p>He wasn’t sure how to answer so he decided to half answer, “Well I’m not exactly from this neck of the woods…”</p><p>“I see” she ran a hand through her hair, similar to how John did when he was a little nervous. </p><p>They sat in a bit of an awkward silence until John prompted “What I’d really like to know-“</p><p>“is what you’re doing here?” she finished with a hint of humor.</p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>She chuckled, “You’re abord a landed Hive, we picked you up when we realized that the Wraith you were with was planning to betray us. We were hoping to pick up the owner of your coat as well but, he’d already been taken.”</p><p>Another pang shot straight through him, this time unignorable. He slumped, looked down at his feet, trying and failing not to think of Todd and everything that had happened in the past few days. The Wraith Commander had seemed so panicked when they’d last talked…like he was facing the edge of an infinite drop…he’d said goodbye…</p><p>“So all that really happened…?” He’d been hoping it was some sick joke. </p><p>Mirage’s hand was on his shoulder in second’s giving him a comforting squeeze, she opened her mouth to speak but, a low purr caught both of their attention.</p><p>A tall, slim but fit Wraith with features similar to Todd’s but centuries younger looking, stood in the doorway, clad in a dark blue coat which matched Mirage’s outfit. His long white hair was braided along his scalp in several small plaits and pulled back into a high ponytail. It was adorned with the same gold beads and his chin was clean shaven, the whisper of a five o’clock shadow on it. His face tattoo was a series of swirls and curls that ran across his right eye and over the bridge of his nose. <br/>Mirage hurried over, embracing the Wraith in a loving hold and joining him in a kiss. This must be her mate.</p><p>The two broke and joined hands, foreheads bent to touch each other’s. Mirage was quite tall herself, taller than John's 6'2 at least. Her forehead came to just under her Mate's eyes, and he looked to be at least 6'8. Kirk, John decided to call him, because he seemed like the type. </p><p>They seemed to have a mental conversion before Kirk broke from her and brought John the coat, holding out the black mass with a short nailed hand.</p><p>John took it gratefully, not meeting the Wraith’s eyes, and pulled it back on. The familiar weight did a little to settle his beating heart but, much to his dismay, the scent of Todd had been scrubbed clean. Still, he felt much better shrouded in its protective material. </p><p>Kirk eyed him a very neutral expression that made John slightly less nervous to be in presence, “I’m the Commander,” He dipped his head slightly.</p><p>John’s mouth went dry, he looked between Mirage and Kirk, slowing working together the pieces.</p><p>Kirk gave him a small smile, “Yes, you’re not the first to be taken aback.” </p><p>“Uh…” he bit his lip. So, not only was this woman dating a Wraith, she was dating the Commander. He really hated that particular similarity between them for the memories it evoked. ‘You’re not dating Todd’ he reminded himself, It didn’t help to not remind him of Todd.</p><p>Kirk sat back in the available chair, “What’s your name?”</p><p>John was starting to notice that this Wraith used contractions, something about that made him more approachable, made him more human, “John Sheppard,” he allowed and bit his tongue to stop himself from asking Kirk’s name. </p><p>Kirk gave a toothy grin. Mirage came to stand beside him. Their hands intertwined lovingly, the Kirk’s large thumb stroking her soft skin, “Are you feeling better? Your body suffered major trauma and I feared that we might not be able to save you.”</p><p>“Why did you save me?” John asked curtly, still trying to understand what was happening. Why was he sitting across from a Wraith who was holding a human’s hand? Where was Todd? </p><p>“You’re the friend of a close friend of mine,”  </p><p>“Todd?” </p><p>Kirk snorted low in his throat; his face twisted in a laugh. Mirage tapped the back of his head, fixing him with a glare that got him clearing his throat and nodding, “Uh, yes.”</p><p>John wasn’t sure if he believed him. Still, he asked, “how did you find me?” it was as good a question to start with.</p><p>“Dara tipped us off,” Mirage said calmly.</p><p>“He…how?”</p><p>Kirk held up a little device, “we were using these to communicate with the Wraith who betrayed you,” he snarled the word Wraith, “when your…Todd, came out and screamed that he needed help.”</p><p>Okay, that John could work with. Todd had gone off with Lewy right before it all went down, after all, “So you’re what, allies of his or something?”</p><p>Kirk gave a strangely human smile, “Something of that sort.”</p><p>They turned toward each other again to probably have another mental conversation. While John just stared at them, trying to process this new, bizarre information.<br/>Both seemed to remember he was in the room because Kirk added, “I know it’s a lot to process-”</p><p>John shook his head, he’d had enough of these half-answers and hiding behind the curtain, “Listen, you seem nice and all but I’m kind of not really in a trusting mood right now considering my friend was just snatched by someone we thought we could trust. So, I’d appreciate it if you told me a little more than the bare bones of why I’m here.”</p><p>The room went silent. If John had been anyone else, he would have felt nervous under the stare of a Wraith Commander. He wasn’t though, he was Lieutenant colonel John Sheppard and he’d stared down much more threatening Wraith than this. <em>‘Bring it on’<em></em></em></p><p>
  <em>
    <em>To his surprise, Kirk didn’t get mad, “Understandable, we wouldn’t expect you to believe us right away. Feel free to ask any question you want.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>John frowned at him. This Wraith, this Commander, acted even loser then Todd did. It was starting to become unsettling.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>A part of him was screaming “trap” Todd had mentioned his world…and being compromised. Maybe this was all a part of Lewy’s game. Maybe John was actually wherever Lewy had brought Todd and was just trying to get information out of him via this strange Wraith and woman.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Kirk sighed when the Colonel said nothing. He looked to Mirage.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>She shook her head, then came to crouch next to John, “Listen, Si Anmourie, we understand that you’re wary but, if we wanted to hurt you, wouldn’t we have done so already?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>There was that word again. He relaxed, somewhat against his will when he heard it. He looked over at Kirk, watched his golden cat eyes flick around, waiting. <br/>“Fine,” he snapped. He might as well get a sense of the situation, real or not, it was better than nothing, “You can start with why Todd isn’t here.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Something of a pained expression dashed across Kirk’s face then it was replaced with a scowl, “We were too late. By the time we got there, he had been taken by the traitor.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Taken where?”<br/>Kirk shook his head, “We have no idea…”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>The Colonel narrowed his eyes, “No idea at all?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>The Commander sighed, “We have theories, of course, but not much to-“</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Then you have something.” John snapped, rising from his chair, “which means you have a place to send me.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Send you?” Kirk echoed.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>John snorted, looking him up and down with contempt. “So, I can get him back, of course.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“We’re not sending you anywhere,” Kirk rose to his full height, towering over John by several inches, “and we’re not going to risk personnel on a whim when we don’t even know where he is for sure yet.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Fine,” the Colonel snapped, starting off toward the door, “Then give me a dart and I’ll find him myself.” Was it crazy? Probably. Todd was probably on a Hive ship by now, or some other difficult to navigate place. But he’d be dammed if he was going to leave the Wraith stranded after everything they’d been through.He'd made a promise, and he didn't break his promises. He had to get the hell out of this room and to a ship so he could do something about the horrifying notion that Todd had been whisked away by someone who wanted him dead.<br/>He made it about halfway across the room before he stumbled, tripping over his feet and only managing to stay upright because of the nearby bed.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Mirage made her way over and helped him up from leaning on it, “I know you want to go after him…” she gave him a sympathetic look, “but until we know where he was taken, we can do nothing.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“I’m not just going to sit here-"</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Believe me, John,” she said sternly, “I know what it's like to be without your mate-“</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>‘He’s not my mate,” he snapped, pulling away from her hold, which she let him do, “We’re just friends.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“I told you he wouldn’t take a mate,” Kirk said, which wasn’t at all the point.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Shut up, Astra.” Mirage went back over to John, “Well…whatever he is, you are in no shape to go after him, even if we knew where to go.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Then I need to get back to-" he slapped his hand over his mouth, horrified that he’d almost said Atlantis out loud in front of a Wraith commander, “to where I came from…”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Jesus Christ had he really almost done that?</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Gate travel at this time, with your severe injury, is unwise,” Kirk, or Astra, the Colonel guessed, informed, rising.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Go to hell,” he reached for the handle to the door but, it opened for him automatically.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Both Wraith and Woman paused, they looked at each other in shock.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>John looked back at them, a similar expression on his face. Last he’d checked, Wraith doors didn’t open like that unless a Wraith willed them to and, he was pretty sure Astra hadn’t. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“You have partaken in the gift several times, right?” Astra asked.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Uh…yeah?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He approached John, shutting the door manually when he got to him, “tell me, do you have a strong mental connection with Todd?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Uh…” he was starting to feel a little woozy.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Yes?” Astra prompted</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Right then, something hot and white flashed across his vision and fire rippled over his spin like he was made of straw. He doubled over, ears ringing so loud that the sound could have blown out his eardrums.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Multitoned shouts jumbled in with the piercing rings in an unbearable cacophony and John screamed, falling to the floor his hands latched onto his ears like that would stop the sound.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>His spotted vision cleared but, he wasn’t in the meeting room. He was in a damp, dark cell. His whole body hurt from strain, his muscles felt torn, his skin screamed for relief from something.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>‘Sheppard!’<em> the words rang out in John’s head. They were desperate, they were terrified, the agony in them chilled the human to the bone.</em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“Todd!” He said out loud swinging his head around the darkness. </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Something hot jabbed him, a gruff voice hissed out a question he couldn’t understand. </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>He tried to get a grip on the sensations, the pain, and the panic, but they slipped through his grasp and spiraled away from him just as soon as they’d come. </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>In an instant, he was back in the room with Astra and Mirage, body pressed up against the wall, breathing labored as the last waves of agony washed over him. Had that been Todd? His stomach sank. Oh my God if that was where Todd was…</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“What the hell was that…?” he said when he was finally able to. </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Mirage had come over to crouch in front of him. She didn’t say anything, just felt his cheeks, forehead and neck, muttering about how he was burning up. </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“What was that?” he asked again in desperation. Images of a jail cell flashed across his mind. Todd was in distress…</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“I…Astra, please help me get him back into bed,”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“No, I don’t want to…”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>His plea died out as the two took him back over to his hospital bed. He had no choice but to get back in.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>She made sure he was secure, then left his field of vision, leaving him with Astra and a growing headache and a horrible feeling.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“No way you don’t know what that was.” He asked when he was sure his voice would work.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>He nodded, stiffly, like the events that had just unfolded had shocked him right back into being purely a Wraith. “I do, but it does not make sense that you would feel so strongly when you are not together…then again…he always was eccentric…”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“the helps me exactly not. At. All.” The Colonel growled.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Astra’s eyes flashed; his lips curled back into a snarl that he quickly shut down. No doubt he was reminding himself not to hulk out on John right now. The human should be scared, but it was honestly good to see this Wraith acting more like a Wraith.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“Well?” John prompted again with no regard for his own safety.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>The Wraith took a deep breath, then called for his mate. “Mirage?”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“Hmm?”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>The rest of the conversation was silent. It ended when Astra got up and rushed out of the room.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Mirage was back in front of him before John could ask where her mate had gone. She handed him a cup of something steaming, “Tea, to soothe your headache.”<br/>“How did you…” he took it with shaky hands.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>She sighed, “I too have suffered through my mate,” she glanced to the door, “But you are not mated…” </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Sensing something more, he promoted “But?” and took a sip of the tea and moaning a little at its sweet herbal taste.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“But I suppose it wouldn’t matter, as long as you two had a strong connection, do you?”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>He nodded, “we built up last week…while we were in Wraith jail. He took another, larger sip. The tea had already started to work at leasing the sharpness on the base of his skull.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>She nodded along with him, “This is good news then…”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>He growled lightly, “What’s good news? Are you people incapable of explaining anything?”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>She blinked at him, clearly taken aback, “You do not know?”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“Know what?” </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>She frowned “Aren’t you…” looking at his blank face, she shook her head, “never mind, how long exactly have you been with the Wraith?”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>It was his turn to be confused “Been with the Wraith? Lady, I’m not a worshipper.” Did these people think he was Todd’s bitch too? Did he have a fucking sign on him or something?</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Her face changed then, and understanding seemed to wash over her, “Of course not…” she shook her head, “I should have known…” </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>He was about to ask again when she cut in with, “sometimes, when a human gets close enough to a Wraith, mentally, they are able to feel and experience that Wraith’s emotions. Sometimes, when the connection is very strong, they can literally see that Wraith’s experiences and feel what they’re feeling in the moment…mental or physical.”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Finally, something he could understand, “Yeah, I’ve been able to do that for a couple of days now…but never like that…” he rubbed his oldest feeding scar, grimacing at the way it stung.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>She rested a hand on his, “You and Todd must be very close then,”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>Grief threatened to rise up in him then, “Yeah…w-we are…too close maybe…” but it was too late to turn back now. Not when the very thought of losing Todd made his body hurt. </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>She smiled softly at him, “This good news, John Sheppard. You may be able to help us locate him.”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading everyone! I hope you enjoyed this. I originally wanted to add Todd's POV in as well but I wanted to get a chapter out so, here we are. Once again, thanks for all the support so far. Expect regular updates now because I'm done with school for the summer!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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